Poem #7

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Joe Way
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Joined: Fri Jun 28, 2002 5:50 pm
Location: Wisconsin, USA

Poem #7

Post by Joe Way »

Winter's Discontent

Striding through the snow
confident of her reply
steps springing
eyes glistening
lips parted in a half-smile


Startled-- her answer
disbelieving, how could it be
hopes dashed by one
word --- no.
Never


Running all the way
cold air piercing his lungs
and frozen heart
the cruel knowledge
that each flake was different
and he would always be the same
Critic2
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Post by Critic2 »

kudos for the last two lines! I think you could take time and build a better poem backwards from that fine ending.
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tom.d.stiller
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Post by tom.d.stiller »

Critic2 wrote:kudos for the last two lines! I think you could take time and build a better poem backwards from that fine ending.
I agree. The final "couplet" is the highlight. "The cruel knowledge" barely escapes cliché, but together with the last two lines it succeeds...

Tom
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