Poem #7

Joe Way · Post by **Joe Way** » Thu Jan 27, 2005 3:03 am

Winter's Discontent

Striding through the snow
confident of her reply
steps springing
eyes glistening
lips parted in a half-smile

Startled-- her answer
disbelieving, how could it be
hopes dashed by one
word --- no.
Never

Running all the way
cold air piercing his lungs
and frozen heart
the cruel knowledge
that each flake was different
and he would always be the same

Critic2 · Post by **Critic2** » Sat Jan 29, 2005 7:21 pm

kudos for the last two lines! I think you could take time and build a better poem backwards from that fine ending.

tom.d.stiller · Post by **tom.d.stiller** » Sun Jan 30, 2005 7:15 am

Critic2 wrote:kudos for the last two lines! I think you could take time and build a better poem backwards from that fine ending.

I agree. The final "couplet" is the highlight. "The cruel knowledge" barely escapes cliché, but together with the last two lines it succeeds...

Tom