Laundry???

This is for your own works!!!
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User avatar
hophead
Posts: 67
Joined: Fri Dec 02, 2011 12:13 pm
Location: Toronto

Laundry???

Post by hophead »

i used to float

down streets of gray

past coin laundry houses

i never lingered

i never watched

the twirling whirlpools of patience



life was simple

life was a sleeping dog

and all sleeping dogs awaken



now these suds

run far and deep and

my hands are stained with bleach



i am spinning

hopelessly

in the rinse cycle
User avatar
fishfishquaileye
Posts: 546
Joined: Sun Aug 21, 2011 11:11 pm

Re: Laundry???

Post by fishfishquaileye »

hophead wrote:i used to float

down streets of gray

past coin laundry houses

i never lingered

i never watched

the twirling whirlpools of patience



life was simple

life was a sleeping dog

and all sleeping dogs awaken



now these suds

run far and deep and

my hands are stained with bleach



i am spinning

hopelessly

in the rinse cycle
good to see you. I suggest an improvement to one line.

you wrote "i never lingered"

I write "you never lingerie" , my line rhymes with your "grey" above, and is thematic laundromatic.
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