Group Therapy

[raggletagglegypsy]

Group therapy

How little we know of each other
or want each other to know.
Among these familiar faces
I know failure
because I cannot contribute.
I know hope
because someday I might.
I know I must come out and be here
when it feels safer to stay where I am.

When my heart crumbles with pain
and my starving spirit withers
and the fuel of anger is gone,
when I am weary of all that I know
and blind to anything new,
when I have been alone
in a wilderness
screaming silently and unnoticed
for so long
that I want to be dead

I come here
to see if you too know these things.

[lizzytysh]

Dear Gypsy ~

I'm moved by the feeling and many insights of your poem. I like the way it flows. Nothing stops where it oughtn't as I read it to myself, half aloud. I like the way you have expressed what you know because... and the way you have described the state of being that pushes you to finally reach out. Your description of the exhaustion is so apt and strong.

Thank you for sharing your heart and your writing... and, for the record, I, too, know these things.

Thanks.


~ Lizzy

[Boss]

Hey Raggle,

I know this place. As much as you. I wished to be dead for most of '87, '93-95, and '98-'99. I attempted suicide in '94 and '98. Ididn't succeed. After a course of ECT and countless anti-depressants (SSRI's and tri-cyclics) I emerged triumphant in 2000. Life can get so fucked up. Tonight I feel like shit. I went on a journey to find something and it didn't work out. In one of Dylan's songs he sings about "all the laughter making him sad" or something like that. That happens now. Dreams can shatter, whole lives can be so retrograde.

So where do you turn? Some say God or Jesus or Allah. They may indeed be good guides but ultimately we must turn to ourselves - ultimately. We have to take that step, cross the road, climb the mountain, go to the moon.Look in the mirror tonight, grit your teeth and say in conviction and in Love, "I AM ALIVE, I LIKE ME. I LOVE ME". And believe it Raggle, believe.

In peace
and you are not on your own

Boss

[In_betweenthegrey]

Raggle,

I too understand the sound of silence, of a voice that goes unheard, of being lost in my own private madness wondering if someday someone somewhere will find me in between the grey.
thank you for sharing your heart and for showing those of us on here who may be lost and alone that we indeed are not.

Grey

[Steven]

Raggletagglegypsy,

Seems that you did contribute with this poem.

[jill]

Hi Gypsy,
Your poem takes my breath away You give words to the "exquisite beauty" of pain. Thanks for reaching out . You are not alone. Jill

[Diane]

Beautiful poem, Raggle Taggle. Thanks.

[Boss]

Gypsy,

I apologise for my outburst above, bad night,
Your poem, as noted, is special in the fact that it delves into the sphere of pain and aloneness. So many of us run from this, hiding in many disguises. Sorrow is real and you have expressed that. There is so much guts, so much courage in this. Society is very often a cruel, cold place. Everybody wanting their needs met. Conversations can be just statement after statement; there is little listening, little sharing. But we should never lose hope, never. History has seen some very evil days; but love wins. That is a sacred truism we must fully understand and gravitate to. Politicians, businessmen, science - they will not save the world, you will Gypsy, you will. You and Love. Cohen believes it, so do many others. Love yourself, Love others. We are all Children of the Universe.

As for me, I have a bipolar condition (I prefer 'condition' to 'disorder'). But the waterfalls I saw today eclipse this irritation. At least to me.

It's all about Love.

Find it Man/Woman
Find it

[raggletagglegypsy]

Thanks to you all for your thoughtful and frank words and for the humorous reference to Anne Sexton. This was written some time ago when for reasons, still a mystery to me, everything looked bleak beyond remedy, when even if I could have found a road back, I didn’t have the inclination or energy to follow it. I was lost in my particular wilderness for more than 3 years. Just as I will never understand its genesis, neither do I understand its resolution but am happy to say it is completely over. All that remains of it are the words written above. I’m glad they mean something to you.

[lizzytysh]

Dear Gypsy ~

Thank you for updating us on your journey out of the wilderness. You wrote very effectively in the midst of it. I'm glad you made it out alive and wonder if your ability to express yourself in these ways was part of the reason you did. I feel so, but only you may know for sure. Would you mind sharing where the "here" was in your last two lines, where you felt safe enough to venture? At first, I thought it could be the paper and pen, and those in your mind whom you spoke to as you wrote; yet, it seems more literal.


~ Lizzy

[jill]

Dear Gypsy,

Only someone who has gone through the "black dog" of depression knows the depth of pain. Here are some words of wisdom I've received from people who have no concept of this struggle:

"Snap out of it"

"Think positive thoughts"

"You look so much prettier when you smile"

"At least you don't have cancer"

"What are you so glum about- you have it better than people starving in (fill in the blanks)"

"Stop feeling sorry for yourself"
Jill

[Steven]

Hi Jill,

Among the benefits of going through are insights that enable the goer to avoid dispensing
the kind of "wisdom" that you've spoken of. The potential for real empathy is also present.

[raggletagglegypsy]

Jill
I agree with you that people say inappropriate things. Can you imagine someone saying to a man ’you look so much handsomer when you smile’? Though their suggestions are way off the mark, I would credit them with at least making an effort. Often people are at such a loss that the only effort they make is to avoid the person with the difficulty. I wonder too can another person ever effectively advise in these circumstances. By its nature, depression distances us from other people and each of us feels that our pain is uniquely awful and therefore cannot be fully appreciated by anyone else. When we feel like this are we ever likely to find relevance in what someone else says? I don’t think so. I think we are so removed from rationality that another person’s reason can’t help. I’m still not sure what can help. Do any of you feel that you benefited from non-medical third party intervention and can say why the intervention was useful and how it helped?

[Manna]

I haven't read what other people have said, but I think you could cut the entire first stanza. It doesn't tell us anything the title doesn't. The second stanza isn't bad, some nice images, but I'd like to see you say more with images, and less by telling me how you feel.

Maybe you can tell us about the different people, and use their looks to tell us what they're going thru? The smoker who flicks her ashes into a coffee cup. Can you hear the fst as it falls into the liquid that pools in the bottom of the cup but will never fall out to be drunk? the kid with the faded denim jacket who slumps and refuses to talk. His long bouncing leg stretches down and out to a shiny, expensive sneaker that squeaks angrily against the floor. And you. tell us about you - and then bring up the idea that you're all here together to look for some commonality, each one holding his territory -a point in a circle. Maybe. OK, I guess I got carried away. Maybe I should go write my own poem.

[raggletagglegypsy]

Manna
Your comments are welcome. The poem you would like to see comes from a different perspective. Here it takes an effort to see much beyond the self. Preoccupation would preclude any interest in the appearance or mannerisms of any others in the group.
You think the first part could be dropped because the content is redundant? It talks of failure, hope, courage - to me it was meaningful to include those ideas as well as describing the feelings in the second part. I don't like poetry where imagery is overused and would feel uncomfortable forcing it. Thanks for taking the time - and for not rewriting it - or might you still do that?