The Hall of Blue Jazz - Comments Requested!!

[Inam]

The Hall of Blue Jazz

-dedicated to Chick Corea

1.

The priest strokes the organ

his music curves
around the soul of ants.

a glass of water beside him

now and then,
a blue egg falls into the glass and cracks,

then the keys of his organ recognize
the scent of river gods…

who wanted his body
so many times,
to cover with sand.

2.

the symphony ends,
and at that last stroke of war

the high priestess walks in.

she offers him the glass

“here is your drink,
here the needlework of smoke.

he is scared by her voice,
it forebodes a quiet dance,

so he asks,
“what must I pay?

“Only the fever,
if you may.

3.

In another time,
there was a wedding
in the hall of sand.

her love was always salt
or
a silent graveyard

some nights she carried
the scent of other lovers.

some nights she talked
of the river children
who came often,

with their arsenal of beauty and smoke.

4.

but now the body
of the priestess
crumbles before the ants

the graveyard in the sky
awakens
to my very dark ode.

and the children come
in horror and prayer, their children.

fever and blue eggs
are all he may offer,

and a little bag of sand.


http://inam-poetry.blogspot.com

[lizzytysh]

Hi Inam ~

I'm wondering if you might use an alternative image/term in your first verse. Leading with a line about a priest stroking the organ, with other references such as "the scent" and "wanted his body," as I read it, it evoked images of the plethora of priests being brought into the light for their history of child abuse against both boys and girls. I may be the only one it strikes that way, but I really don't think so. I'm not trying to make light of your poem; I just feel that Chick Corea would be left in a better light if you could adjust this a bit.

It's a positively evocative image of how some musicians seem to summon gods from other worlds when they play. The rest of your poem is evocative, too... "the last stroke of war," etc. but it's the first verse that places its interpretation into a zone that it's difficult for me to get around. I guess the news outweighs it. I don't tend to look at things in a sexual-innuendo way, but the news here has been saturated with the massive violations by priests.


~ Lizzy


~ Lizzy

[Manna]

Wanted to let you know I read this. I'll be back in a little while to read again, but don't know if I'll really comment. There's a lot of interesting stuff here, but I think I need a while to be able to synthesize it.

[Inam]

@lizzy: Gosh i aint even aware of this news!!! You see, here in India we dont get to know all thats happening out there. So CSA is totally out of the question, as far as this poem is concerned...though i did write a poem once for a newspaper here which tackled CSA and forced incest. and another one which actually was against the nuisance meted out by priests in the name of religion.

though i generally dont explain the imagery in my poem (i'm quite a postmodernist heh), I mite just say a few things abt this one (since i am quite shocked to find it being related to CSA )

this poem follows some other poems of mine which i call 'jazz poems'. my technique is a lil different from the actual exponents of the form called jazz poetry-their concern was mainly on the 'controlled randomness' of sound in a poem, while i am trying to incorporate the jazz bit into the imagery as well...where images connect, disconnect, twine, entwine, repeat and transform, much like the notes in jazz music (where different melody lines and chords overlap and create an altogether different effect).

the poems are generally anti-narrative in nature, and try to defy exact interpretation. blame it on my fascinaion with surrealism and postmodernism.

more or less these poems are visions i received while listening to jazz.

Thanks and take care.

p.s. - hey wud be nice if u told me about the priest-children news in detail. its sad living in a violent world like this.

@manna: hey, maybe it would be better if we didn't try synthesizing everything consciously...let the unconscious do it at times...or else love or jazz would start sounding discordant. nah, i dont really want to sound like a funny professor thanks so much for visiting.

[lizzytysh]

Hi Inam ~

Your poem may be fine to most; its opening line just immediately took it into news reports and articles and photos and interviews, with which we've been inundated. It's like Pandora's Box. No detail, really, just that it's happening and been happening for decades, with many a blind eye being turned... priests being transferred from one parish to the next, when the truth starts coming out, but no one losing their priesthood, nor being prosecuted or revealed. A level of sanctioning of the activities going all the way up the chain of command, nearly to the top. Many victims are coming forward... some action is finally being taken. The public outcry has become too strong.

Interesting way of constructing a poem. I like it.

My own, indirect one might be said to replicate what the actions of a criminal on the run might be... ducking and hiding, trying to stay unseen.


~ Lizzy

[Jimmy O'Connell]

Tres cool website....

Jimmy

[Inam]

@Jimmy: Thanks man!