I Feel At Night

[silvergreen]

i feel at night, when holding you, that i'm your rhyme,
i sense inside my tearful soul my love's a crime,
i feel at dawn when waking up my sun would shine
if i found your shape on the pillow, next to mine.

i feel at night when making love a border line
which separates us with an unmerciful amount of time,
i feel at dawn when waking up in your embrace
we have a terrible amount of love to face.

i feel at night when kissing you on your dark eyes
a gentle shiver shaking through my naked thighs,
i feel at dawn when waking up in love's sweet sighs
we could from our deepest feelings to arise.

i feel you could be mine, my love divine -
just drink a glass of wine, and take your time ...

by silvergreen, October 25, 2006

[lizzytysh]

Hi Silvergreen ~

Good to see you here. I read in your comments elsewhere that Leonard's world of words and music so deeply influenced yours that he inspired you to begin writing poetry for your beloved. Such a high compliment regarding anyone's influence on your life. I'm sure your beloved is pleased by this transformation in you... and I know it must feel very good for you, too.

i feel at night, when holding you, that i'm your rhyme,

I remember this feeling well and I love the way you've used a poetic term for your analogy.

Before I go any further, are you simply wanting to share with us this poem for him, or are you hoping for feedback on how you've written it? One of the reasons I'm asking is that my other favourite line in your poem is this very sensuous one:

a gentle shiver shaking through my naked thighs,

... and I keep wanting to change the word shaking, so it would read:
"a gentle shiver moving through my naked thighs,"

If you've read the most recent threads of activity in this section, you'll know that we've been discoursing about people's contributions here, so I'm sticking my toe in the water with my response to you.

There are a couple things you've written in this that kind of give the impression that this may be an illicit love affair... or, at least at the time of its writing, it had yet to come to fruition in a way that you were confident about your relationship with him.

It's a very sensual, slow moving poem of exploration of your feelings with an ecstatic, mystical essence; and I like the continuous thread of feeling that brings it together.

i feel you could be mine, my love divine -
just drink a glass of wine, and take your time ...

... a lovely invitation.


~ Lizzy

[silvergreen]

Well,Lizzy, I've read your message again after years and don't know why I didn't answer you at that time...maybe because of your intuition about that illicit love affair.
You were right, it was an illicit one.
Still is, now only in the deepest abyss of my soul...
That kind of love affair that happens once in a lifetime, if one is lucky enough.

The GIF attached (www.http://cohencentric.com) seems to illustrate the final lines of my poem.

[lizzytysh]

Ah, I will go and watch that video closer up... I see Leonard drinking the wine. Who better to attach than him ?

Yes, deep love is incredibly rare, if it happens at all [my feeling].

In the deepest abyss of your soul sounds as though it's been relegated there and out of the reality of daily life... but that all those original feelings remain. Or is it the reverse... that it has become a part of your everyday life, and still at a deep soul level.

I clicked into this section when I saw your name showing on the main page. It's great to hear from you. What's 8 years between friends ?