Help Please - Highschool Poetry Contest

[Dr. Fingers]

Hey, I was planning on entering a poetry compitition for local High Schools, would be greatful if people could give some feedback on some pieces.

Poem #1.

You walked in like a waltz
shivering from the cold
your hair falling like limp fingers
and a face of consumptive ballerinas

You danced for a minute
trying to dry your dress
But it was heavy with old memories
which served to dampen my skin


Poem #2.

The moon is full, the moon is full
Stars brighten the river-bank
lillies and seaweed stretch to the end
and the moon is full, the moon is full

Cordilia sits with her hands 'round the vase
all the flowers burned up like memories
All her words disappear in the sound of the city
and the moon falls down to heaven's edge

She's come to ask questions on the palm of her hand
and the river answers her with it's calm
All of her memories burn up like those flowers
and no roses bloom in the others' wake

Cordelia lifts up and tugs on a vine tied to the harbour
and her shadow paces across the water
She disappears into the haze of a winter-breath
and the moon is full, the moon is full

The moon is full of dust and turtles' dreams
and she sits there with the ashes
her flowers, her memories and her body
She looks down, the earth is alone
the earth is alone



So yeah, that's it. Sorry if there are spelling errors or whatever, I'm not good with all that.