Poem O

[LaurieAK]

Poem O:


The Trunk Letter

"I came from salt so pain
I know is pain today also."
He said to her I am
Afraid, "I turn to death moreso."
She said to him that I will try
And raise these kids we made.
Though dying man should halt this life
In trouble so betrayed.

And how this moment was the last
That they would share alone
To lie together in a bed
That they had known full prone.

The children have been sent away
To hold this early death,
In hearts too pure to recognize
The lack of bitter breath.

A trunk left here and filed away
A fragile, brittle page
Became the terrible words of grace,
What horrible heart's engage.

And now the widow with her song
To simultaneous tears,
Imparts this mystery of life
To daughters, young and dear.
"I say to you, my darlings ones
Who shared this precious fate.
Your tears will always purify
The last and glorious state."
In lifetimes spent too free from fear,
Against the wiley foe,
"I would not know the worst of it-
Again-I would not know."

[LaurieAK]

Hi~

This was a large endeavour, with a difficult subject matter. I appreciated the sentiments and efforts.

The rhymes seemed quite forced in many places, which is distracting for a reader. It makes you question whether the writer or the 'rhyme' are creating the piece. This is such a common problem with rhyming poems. More rhyming pieces than not seem to fall into this trap.

I really liked the storyline presented.

Thanks,
Laurie

[Nightstalker]

A poignant work that is full of pain and hope. I dare say that much emotional distress is still present in the writer. TY for sharing this with us. Will you tell us which part you played or if it is a poem about someone elses plight?

[mickey_one]

I agree, thanks for sharing and thanks for the ambition behind this piece.