Poem No. 1

Critic2 · Post by **Critic2** » Tue May 10, 2005 9:56 pm

And it feels so late in september
the forest is scarlet to you
you trudge by a path, bewildered and free
but end in the wind with a dream turning blue
but end in the wind with a dream turning blue
you end in the wind with a dream turning blue
for what is sunlight, to whom does it glow
in flashlight of hails like beauty and pain
which dazzle the reason and offers a song
to carry your mind although it is wrong
to carry your mind although it is wrong
by ways of the heart which reason don’t know

And it feels so late in september
the ground floor is empty to you
you wander in dreams and then turn around
to wake up exhausted and terribly blue
to wake up exhausted and terribly blue
you wake up exhausted and terribly blue
for what is weeping, to whom do you cry
in half-light by night, in sonorous loss
which shatter the reason and offers a song
to carry your mind although it is wrong
to carry your mind although it is wrong
by lips that are burning exposing a lie

And it feels like death in september
the body is heartless to you
but then from your dream an actual fact
will guide you by hand and love that you knew
will guide you by hand and love that you knew
she guides you by hand and love that you knew
for what is her love, to whom does it go
by sparks in the night, devoted to fall
which dazzle the reason, and burns in a song
to carry your mind although it is wrong
to carry your mind although it is wrong
by feet that are dancing to conquer it all

________________________________________

this was a good effort, and is deffo. song material.

Paula · Post by **Paula** » Wed May 11, 2005 12:21 am

That is exactly what I said to the entrant. I thought this would make a really good song. Now they only have to write the music.

linda_lakeside · Post by **linda_lakeside** » Wed May 11, 2005 3:55 am

Yes. I can see that it was probably written as a song. Not a poem. For that reason, I think it's well put together. However, the lyric didn't 'grab' me. Too repetitive in places. Word heavy is what I first thought. If it is a lyric, I think it should definitely be more trim. Shorter. But the over all flow works.

Linda.

Henning · Post by **Henning** » Thu May 12, 2005 4:17 pm

Lesson 81: How a great poem is turned into a bad song !

http://www.tea-and-oranges.de/mp3/lateseptember.mp3

But at least a challenge for a real composer to create a sad song and make it better.

linda_lakeside · Post by **linda_lakeside** » Thu May 12, 2005 9:11 pm

Lesson #81? If you have to get into the double digits, don't admit it. 99 lessons are plenty for anyone.

Thanks for the listen. I hear a certain 'cohenesque' influence in there. I wonder how that could be?

I think 'sonorous loss' is a difficult phrase to work with in a song. It would have too many people running for the lyric sheet and then the dictionary. But, if Leonard can do those things, why can't we all aspire to at least try it?

Good going, Henning.

Linda.

peter danielsen · Post by **peter danielsen** » Wed May 25, 2005 4:53 pm

Dear Henning
I was thrilled to find out that someone had set my text to music. I was deeply touched by the music, which I believe i really great. I would be VERY happy if I could get a copy of the number, plus the chords.

Best whishes and thanks

Peter

linda_lakeside · Post by **linda_lakeside** » Wed May 25, 2005 5:32 pm

Peter,

Oh, that was your poem? Naturally, I just assumed

it was Henning's. Well, then, good going, to the both of you!

Linda.

Joe Way · Post by **Joe Way** » Tue Jun 07, 2005 5:24 am

I really liked the phrase, "to whom do you cry in half-light by night," and agree that it works effectively as song. (Good colloboration, Peter and Henning).

I apologize for being late for the contest, but I will do my best to offer my belated congrats to all who participated.

Joe