.................

[Lita]

Mirror, Mirror on the wall, if it is love why must I crawl.
Messy sheets, and bread so stale, if this is love then I have failed.
Mother, Mother of the moon, can babies cry in the womb?
hospital oatmeal, crys at night, funerals of angels just don't seem right.
Father, Father stuck in time, was the slap your sin or mine?
empty hearts, milk gone dry, many laugh and I still cry.
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Was it love or was it lust?

[Critic2]

Mirror, Mirror on the wall, if it is love why must I crawl.
Messy sheets, and bread so stale, if this is love then I have failed.
Mother, Mother of the moon, can babies cry in the womb?
hospital oatmeal, crys at night, funerals of angels just don't seem right.
Father, Father stuck in time, was the slap your sin or mine?
empty hearts, milk gone dry, many laugh and I still cry.
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Was it love or was it lust?

I'm sure I have seen that title some where before although I may be muddling it with the similar ................

some quick suggestions to improve the rhythm, if I may


Mirror, Mirror on the wall, if it is love why must I crawl.

"if this is love" better


Messy sheets, and bread so stale, if this is love then I have failed.

Mother, Mother of the moon, can babies cry in the womb?

"inside the womb" better

hospital oatmeal, crys at night, funerals of angels just don't seem right.

cut the "just"

Father, Father stuck in time, was the slap your sin or mine?
empty hearts, milk gone dry, many laugh and I still cry.

try "and milk gone dry" then "many laugh but I still cry"


Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Was it love or was it lust?

regards

c2

ps it was lust.

pps although I really dislike the nonsense rhymes recently posted, there is nothing wrong with an occasional lita poem