Poem #5

[Joe Way]

One Winter’s Night

Shivering supine, carpet against my spine;
Body afloat on a chromatic ocean.
Fractal mental, a dream dissolute,
The acrid aroma of fungal, blue-gold.

Not a blanket covering,
Nor the exploding cells of eucalyptus
In the glowing, cast iron stove
Can stave off the chill that seeps deep to bones.

This chill stems not from polar regions alone
But of the ally’s lesson- decoded.
The molecules of decay and rebirth
Awash in my cerebral universe.

And dancing in on FM waves comes
A relentless sonic equation
From the J.S. master of baroque
Building a consummate aural sculpture.

Then quiet, but not silence
A song of the universe resounds.
The echo of ancient cataclysms
Whispers its timeless presence.

There- in that moment of ever.
Ebbs a steady tide of briny drops
From long unemployed ducts;
A weeping of life’s passion.

There- between the ecstasy
And the anguish
The heart of the mammal
Espies its locus.

[Achilles]

I had to read this one several times to take in all the rich images. I especially liked--

"Body afloat on a chromatic ocean...Fractal mental, a dream dissolute"

"dancing in on FM waves...From the J.S. master of baroque"


Pretty good stuff.

[Critic2]

yes, this was pretty well worked and I congratulate Tom.

[tom.d.stiller]

yes, this was pretty well worked and I congratulate Tom.

How do you know Tom Sakic participated? If this is so:

Congratulations, Tom

[Critic2]

yes, this was pretty well worked and I congratulate Tom.

How do you know Tom Sakic participated?

deep in da jungle, man
me heard de sound
of Tom Toms
and 8 naked cheerleaders
playing with
dair pom poms

[tom.d.stiller]

deep in da jungle, man
me heard de sound
of Tom Toms
and 8 naked cheerleaders
playing with
dair pom poms

Ah, and then "The echo of ancient cataclysms / Whispered its timeless presence" - whereupon you were compelled to concluded that one Tom had to have his fingers in there?

This writer, though he rather likes the piece, had his fingers somewhere else, very close to where the cheers were led...

Tom

[Critic2]

This writer, though he rather likes the piece, had his fingers somewhere else, very close to where the cheers were led...

Tom

exactly, just as I surmised (but chose not to express)

[witty_owl]

Here Witty Owl "fesses up" to being the author of this poem.
I would like to say how happy I am that some members have shown interest in this particular poem. Achilles and Critic2, I thank you for your comments. How curious is the mis-identification with Tom as the writer. I meant to be deliberately cryptic with this one and so I wonder how many readers actually identified the source(not the writer) of this poem.
It is a recollection of an experience that I had one winter's night that had a profound influence on the way I viewed things following that night. It is also an attempt to convey something of other past experiences via a specific incident.
Life sometimes hands out lessons when we least expect them.
It is encouraging to see that some readers appreciate one's writing. Still the writer is left wondering if people actually know what the writer is talking about. Does the writing really succeed from the criteria of its intent?

Cheers, Witty.

[witty_owl]

Achilles, I am encouraged by the fact that you were compelled to re-read several times and you liked the "rich images". So I am glad that you liked it so. I would like to ask you; what does this poem mean to you? I need to get some idea if I am able to convey my intent without being too literal and simplistic with language. That is to say, am I being overly cryptic or obscure?

Cheers, Witty.

[LaurieAK]

Witty-

Well Bach definately gives me chills. I stuck in JOY after reading through this once this afternoon.

So there are chills, modulations, potential tears that come with Bach. And whether or not this has anything to do with your poem, listening to that piece was sublime.

Without Bach, the first two stanzas made me consider someone who has a fever.

It definately is about someone who is fully, almost hyperly, present in the moment.

Then quiet, but not silence
A song of the universe resounds.
The echo of ancient cataclysms
Whispers its timeless presence.

This part makes me think about rain, a downpour.

For a poem i cannot conclusively put my finger on, it is a journey worth taking. Sometimes 'vague' is nothing but obnoxious in a poem...almost a sure sign of laziness of the writer. That is not the case here. Much thought went into this; it couldn't be any sparser...no filler and that is not an accident.

So Witty. What's your version of this poem

regards,
L

[Pete]

I also like 'chromatic ocean'
... and 'sonic equation'

phrases like these conjure up immediate images that fit snugly in the verse.

Pete

[John K.]

In reading this I remember that it is not merely words that can trigger deep emotion. Touch, smell, music can all bring forward long buried feelings. I believe that my favorite part of this poem is "Then quiet, but not silence", this is the transition where the atmosphere becomes one with the writer. Where lying on the floor alone becomes a passionate release. The scene and transition are clear, the "ecstasy and the anguish" the absolute yin/yang of pain that moves towards light. Nice.

[witty_owl]

Okay fellow members(keyboard kin ) Here is a little info re this chilly "Winter's Night".
Yes Laurie the writer was in a kind of fever- inducted.
Bach was incidental as a program on ABC FM that evening. I was struck by the mathematical perfection of his compositions(sonic equations) and the architectural beauty(consummate aural sculpture).
Yes, definitely not laziness. the obscurity of the language is deliberate- a conundrum to solve.
Yes John, touch, smell, music etc can give rise to buried emotions especially in a meditative state of heightened awareness. And the period/moment of transition was a change of the inner life in response partly to the outer world/universe.
I am pleased to hear that I achieved some success in conjuring images and evoking feelings with limited phrases.

Thanks all for your comments,
Cheers, Witty

[LaurieAK]

well Witty- i like your explanation here just fine

but i do have a problem with one thing:

...Bach was incidental...

i'll never believe there was anything 'incidental' about Bach playing that night.

L

[linda_lakeside]

But Laurie, I believe him.

Linda.