The Extraordinary Poem 25

Critic2 · Post by **Critic2** » Sat Oct 30, 2004 12:15 am

50 dollars a night.
..................................
Who would stay in a dump like this
50 dollars a night and it smells like piss

I lay on the bed
My body feels stiff
I pull back the sheets
Pooh what a whiff

50 dollars a night
And this place is crap
Not even someewhere
Youuuuu would take a nap

Can't sleep a wink
'Cos there is a stink

50 dollars a night
It should be free
ohhhhhhh there's nowhere to take a pee.

THE END.

_______________________________________

This is raw and searingly analytical writing. One can feel the pain of the writer as she thinks back to her childhood where she shared a bed with various sporting teams and drama groups. This entry is the only truly autobiographical one of all the submissions.

It is clearly a class apart.

We know Leonard has been following closely this exercise and, surely, only this piece would have made him burn with jealousy.

I know Dear Heather has had decent reviews but he would, I believe, give it all up to have written

"Can't sleep a wink
'Cos there is a stink"

Fantastic, a modern wonder of literary composition.

Critic2 · Post by **Critic2** » Sat Oct 30, 2004 1:24 am

Lizziy, how you could come onto the board and yet not stop to endorse my compliments about The Extraordinary Poem 25 is shocking. I suppose you may say you were just "passing" ?

lizzytysh · Post by **lizzytysh** » Sat Oct 30, 2004 1:39 am

Well, you see, I've got this self-improvement campaign going that dictates [well, tries to, under the best of circumstances

] that I can't add anything to what's already been said, then just let it go. You were just so airtight with your own commentary, I couldn't find even a breath worth adding. I accepted that defeat, however, and left with reverence in my heart. Certain I heard a voice calling faintly in the distance, however, I returned. Sure enough. There you were, but sitting atop that same airtight, vinyl case you carry around. Asquare. What's a girl to do!?! I decided to pass. I mean ing. Oh, you know what mean. I mean pass. I mean ing. Oh, I think I must mean passing. Never mind. Find me on the next thread, and we'll thrash it out. I mean sort it out. Aw, heck, I'll just wait 'till I'm Reincarnate. I'm sure I'll have something to add by then.

George.Wright · Post by **George.Wright** » Mon Nov 01, 2004 4:18 pm

You would be president of Martine's fan club. you lay on top of her long enough, you scoundrel!!!
Shame on you, C2.
Georges.

Critic2 · Post by **Critic2** » Mon Nov 01, 2004 4:35 pm

well, I have changed my location yet again to escape your criticism. surely, not even you, could find anything to say about my new position?

lizzytysh · Post by **lizzytysh** » Mon Nov 01, 2004 4:45 pm

To whom did you defer in your self-imposed demotion, C2?

angeleyes711 · Post by **angeleyes711** » Tue Nov 02, 2004 6:38 am

:roll:

Ode to Critic2 if he only knew Who is Who?
You're a JOKE A Blimey Bloke
As I see the window of your soul is within a black cloak

Love will challenge you to a duel
You arsey wanker you'll never be clear a bobbin fool
You don't have anyone down and bleeding
As I see your battle scars your soul is gob and needing

AS you arse about
As you scream and shout
You leave everyone including the sun arse-on

As you ponder long
Blimey fool who never read the golden rule
Breathe deep the balloon of thee
I've figured out you're a barm pot

In a blindo tequila shot
Bugger me backwards blimey O'reilley
In you're backwards alley
Bunkum is burning in your rolling tobacco
That you canned so long ago

On the chokey road of your soul
Cobbler's shout without a doubt
And the clock goes tick tock
In your torn worn codswallop
Looking back I see you're a coffin dodger
In a cream crackered lodge

Seems your name should be dipstick
Spinning being divvy in your red lipstick
That never will stick on your lying lips
You leave your red red stains on the sherry glass
As you dance the five knuckle shuffle in the aftermath

You're thick as the proverbial pigshit
And you're on the Angels' number one enemy list
You gab gab gab
To the point of being a brag brag brag
So take this Glasgow kiss
And Shove It!

:roll:

Makera · Post by **Makera** » Tue Nov 02, 2004 8:12 am

ROFLMAO!! Yay, angeleyes711!

WELCOME to the forum!

You sure got his weights dead to rights!

Let's see him parse that one!

~ Makera

Critic2 · Post by **Critic2** » Tue Nov 02, 2004 9:38 am

Welcome to the forum angeleyes711. That was a lovely poem you posted, but do be careful about grammar.

You wrote "I've figured out your a barm pot"

It should have been " I've figured out *you're* a barm pot"

Good Luck with your writing and, once again, Well Done!

angeleyes711 · Post by **angeleyes711** » Wed Nov 03, 2004 6:06 am

Namaste Blessed Be..
Thank you for helping me to be accurate!

angeleyes711 · Post by **angeleyes711** » Wed Nov 03, 2004 6:20 am

Namaste Blessed Be..
Thank you for helping me to be accurate!

LaurieAK · Post by **LaurieAK** » Wed Nov 03, 2004 7:01 am

~WoW~

Makera · Post by **Makera** » Wed Nov 03, 2004 10:53 am

Hi Angeleyes!

You have the other little typo fixes in your PM box. I'm not as lazy as some wannabe 'editors'

~ Makera