POEM #2
Life in a Seedy Hotel
I wake, not with the sun
in my eyes
but slowly
coming to, slowly
knowing where I am
and that this is it
a book of poems
all sizes
lies on the nightstand
by the window
my suitcase
my life
the promise of the day
an echo
of
a dream
featureless as
your face now seems
I think I hear Raskolnikov
throwing a tantrum in the street
I think that was me
drifting off again
POEM #12
Room For a Nobody
Ten blocks from safety
the dirt on the sign is hiding no stars
Heartbreak Hotel
no holds, no Bars.
Left in a wounded alley
and left alone by all except
the hardest working girls
the nearest highway decided to turn right
right out of town
and right out of fear.
Only fools and Johns come here
“$20 a room
plus 5 for each trick”
the desk clerk objects to your intrusion
and in collusion with a dangerous doorman
sniggers at the Little Dicks
desperate enough to arrive at Heartbreak.
She leaves sniggering and slams the door
leaves you wondering how life ever got this poor
and you resolve to turn over a clean sheet,
this one is bloody anyway,
and Marlon Brando on the cracked 16inch black and white
says “the Horror, the Horror”.
POEM #26
this is a hotel
not clean or nice
I have a drink
but where is the ice?
when I was small
I always wanted
to have a place to hang my head
which I could call
My Own
But I don't
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My Comments:
Poem #2: Although I don't quite understanding the 2nd stanza, and do not know who "Raskolnikov" is, I like this poem very much. The sleepy, drifting of the speaker and the visuals, the noise…nice job!
Poem #12: At first glance this seemed a bit 'commonplace.' Second glance, I caught the fun word-play (right…left). The end rhymes and internal rhymes are clever. For such a seedy hotel, a really fun piece (no pun intended).
Poem #26: I love the simplicity of this. With very words, it made me quite sad. Good job!
SECOND PLACE WINNERS CIRCLE....
Hi everyone~
Poem # 2 is mine. Thanks, Laurie, for finding it worthy of being in the "Second Place Winners' Circle."
A few explanatory notes:
Raskolnikov is the protagonist of Crime and Punishment by Dostoyevsky. For me, knowing who he is and what he represents is a key to the poem as a whole...
From Wikipedia: "He is a young student living in extreme poverty in St. Petersburg. He lives in a tiny garret which he rents (he claims the room aggravates his depression). He sleeps on a couch using old clothes as a pillow and doesn't eat much, although the landlady sometimes sends her servant in with food. Although frequently referred to as a student, no mention of any educational institution which he currently attends is ever made. He is mentally ill and small things, such as crowded spaces, bother him. He is described by the narrator as "extremely handsome."
His name derives from the Russian word raskolnik, meaning “schismatic” or “divided,” which is appropriate since his most fundamental character trait is his alienation from human society. His pride and intellectualism lead him to disdain the rest of humanity as fit merely to perpetuate the species. In contrast, he believes that he is part of an elite “superman” echelon and can consequently transgress accepted moral standards for higher purposes such as utilitarian good."
2nd stanza, the one which our judge wrote she didn't "quite understand":
Secondly, it is a reference to one specific book by Jack Kerouac - Pomes All Sizes
Thirdly, there's the (at least intended) pun on the word "lies" - does the book lie on the nightstand, or does poetry represent lies?
Hope this clarifies it a bit.
~Taigaku
Poem # 2 is mine. Thanks, Laurie, for finding it worthy of being in the "Second Place Winners' Circle."
A few explanatory notes:
Raskolnikov is the protagonist of Crime and Punishment by Dostoyevsky. For me, knowing who he is and what he represents is a key to the poem as a whole...
From Wikipedia: "He is a young student living in extreme poverty in St. Petersburg. He lives in a tiny garret which he rents (he claims the room aggravates his depression). He sleeps on a couch using old clothes as a pillow and doesn't eat much, although the landlady sometimes sends her servant in with food. Although frequently referred to as a student, no mention of any educational institution which he currently attends is ever made. He is mentally ill and small things, such as crowded spaces, bother him. He is described by the narrator as "extremely handsome."
His name derives from the Russian word raskolnik, meaning “schismatic” or “divided,” which is appropriate since his most fundamental character trait is his alienation from human society. His pride and intellectualism lead him to disdain the rest of humanity as fit merely to perpetuate the species. In contrast, he believes that he is part of an elite “superman” echelon and can consequently transgress accepted moral standards for higher purposes such as utilitarian good."
2nd stanza, the one which our judge wrote she didn't "quite understand":
Well, for one this is just part of the "inventory" - a book of poems on the nightstand. The fact that it's not some other book perhaps says something about the character in the poem.a book of poems
all sizes
lies on the nightstand
Secondly, it is a reference to one specific book by Jack Kerouac - Pomes All Sizes
Thirdly, there's the (at least intended) pun on the word "lies" - does the book lie on the nightstand, or does poetry represent lies?
Hope this clarifies it a bit.
~Taigaku
Read the book
Hi Taigaku ~
Your detailed explanation makes me wish ~ again ~ that I had looked it up for Laurie and gotten back with her. However, on my/our behalf, I'm wondering if the specifics that you've offered would have been readily/semi-readily available by doing that; or, if reading the book[s] would have been what was really required to get the full depth and texture[s] of your reference[s]. I guess, perhaps, an on-line version of Cliff Notes might have helped on Crime and Punishment. The title of Kerouac's book was a very clever reference.
I liked your poem, and wish I could have stood a defense for it. I wonder if poems entered into contests can be allowed asterisked footnotes ~ i.e. a two-line explanation of a name like Raskolnikov. You're right that he was central to the deeper understanding of your poem. I did understand your "lies" pun, but wasn't familiar with Kerouac's book. As you can see, I had VERY substantial reasons for declining judgeship. I'm not certain of Laurie's, or anyone else's here, history in the realm of literature....but thank you for illuminating the additional, 'concealed' beauty of your poem. Congratulations on having written such a substantive one ~ and on being recognized for it, regardless of place.
Love,
Lizzy
Your detailed explanation makes me wish ~ again ~ that I had looked it up for Laurie and gotten back with her. However, on my/our behalf, I'm wondering if the specifics that you've offered would have been readily/semi-readily available by doing that; or, if reading the book[s] would have been what was really required to get the full depth and texture[s] of your reference[s]. I guess, perhaps, an on-line version of Cliff Notes might have helped on Crime and Punishment. The title of Kerouac's book was a very clever reference.
I liked your poem, and wish I could have stood a defense for it. I wonder if poems entered into contests can be allowed asterisked footnotes ~ i.e. a two-line explanation of a name like Raskolnikov. You're right that he was central to the deeper understanding of your poem. I did understand your "lies" pun, but wasn't familiar with Kerouac's book. As you can see, I had VERY substantial reasons for declining judgeship. I'm not certain of Laurie's, or anyone else's here, history in the realm of literature....but thank you for illuminating the additional, 'concealed' beauty of your poem. Congratulations on having written such a substantive one ~ and on being recognized for it, regardless of place.
Love,
Lizzy
you raise an interesting point. as a matter of style I rarely use references from other sources, books, films etc. It's probably because I don't like the idea of anyone missing the point. of course that "problem" can be solved as well. I have just bought the 20th anniversary re-release of lloyd cole's rattlesnakes album and he has the lines in the title song
"jodie wears a hat although it hasn't rained for six days
she says a girl needs a gun these days
hey on account of all the rattlesnakes
she looks like eve marie saint in on the waterfront"
so there's the attribution although that's also different because if that's what she looks like then the "source" has to be mentioned. "You look like that Adam bloke from the Bible", see?
EDIT- how interesting (well, to me anyway,) I just checked out the actress and her name is actually *Eva* Marie Saint, so she has been changed for the sake of the song's metre!
if you do watch films then try Apocalypse Now, it's scary but special.
"jodie wears a hat although it hasn't rained for six days
she says a girl needs a gun these days
hey on account of all the rattlesnakes
she looks like eve marie saint in on the waterfront"
so there's the attribution although that's also different because if that's what she looks like then the "source" has to be mentioned. "You look like that Adam bloke from the Bible", see?
EDIT- how interesting (well, to me anyway,) I just checked out the actress and her name is actually *Eva* Marie Saint, so she has been changed for the sake of the song's metre!
if you do watch films then try Apocalypse Now, it's scary but special.
Last edited by Critic2 on Fri Oct 29, 2004 8:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Well, I do watch [and love!] films, though I've been out of the loop for a number of years here, due to jobs, etc. ~ am trying to catch up. I know that "Apocalypse Now" is renowned, and has been on my unwritten list for awhile now. Guess it's time to do the video thing with it. Yes, Eva Marie Saint. Interesting the lengths some will go for metre 
. I didn't 'get' your "Adam bloke" meaning though, although I know of whom you speak. Can you dedensify me on that, please 
?
. I didn't 'get' your "Adam bloke" meaning though, although I know of whom you speak. Can you dedensify me on that, please ?I simply meant that if you, for example, recognise someone from a particular place then it is not strange to name that place. My wife went through a period of being told she looked like a particular actress from a "top" soap opera.
but if the writer relaxes on certain readers missing the reference it is far better to make without the source.
but if the writer relaxes on certain readers missing the reference it is far better to make without the source.
Dear Taigaku~
I appreciate your explaining what i did not understand.
I know that Sylvia Plath's thesis project when she was as Smith was Dostoyevsky's use of the double. I have The Bros Karamazov sitting on my book shelf waiting to be read. But your allusion to his famous character, which was so important to your poem was lost on me. I apologize for not doing the research.
I hate to point out the obvious, but will anyways. Being the judge and all, i could have just let my ignorance pass by unnoticed.
I made a point to mention that I did NOT know who the character was. I also knew there was something about the 'poems of many sizes' that was alluding me. So i purposely mentioned that too. This was full disclosure (not forgiving my ignorance) but it was full disclosure.
I have never read Kerouac. His name always seemed to me to be of the trendy sort...like Warhol. It is a totally shallow opinion, but i must confess i don't have a Kerouac waiting on any of my bookshelves.
When these sort of references are made in poetry it is simply called 'allusions.' The writer always takes the risk of speaking to an audience who may or may not know the alluded to. The poem had better stand despite the allusion or risk falling predictably flat. I thought this poem despite my recognizing allusions, but not knowing them still succeeded.
regards,
Laurie
I appreciate your explaining what i did not understand.
I know that Sylvia Plath's thesis project when she was as Smith was Dostoyevsky's use of the double. I have The Bros Karamazov sitting on my book shelf waiting to be read. But your allusion to his famous character, which was so important to your poem was lost on me. I apologize for not doing the research.
I hate to point out the obvious, but will anyways. Being the judge and all, i could have just let my ignorance pass by unnoticed.
I made a point to mention that I did NOT know who the character was. I also knew there was something about the 'poems of many sizes' that was alluding me. So i purposely mentioned that too. This was full disclosure (not forgiving my ignorance) but it was full disclosure.
I have never read Kerouac. His name always seemed to me to be of the trendy sort...like Warhol. It is a totally shallow opinion, but i must confess i don't have a Kerouac waiting on any of my bookshelves.
When these sort of references are made in poetry it is simply called 'allusions.' The writer always takes the risk of speaking to an audience who may or may not know the alluded to. The poem had better stand despite the allusion or risk falling predictably flat. I thought this poem despite my recognizing allusions, but not knowing them still succeeded.
regards,
Laurie
Hi Laurie~
You wrote:
What I'm saying is: I do agree with you, but in the history of western poetry, this is a fairly recent sentiment.
I also believe that alluding to other works in a poem is not something one should desperately avoid, because knowing the allusion can enhance the appreciation of the poem.
~Taigaku
You wrote:
I'm definitely not arguing with you, but T.S. Eliot and Ezra Pound probably would...The poem had better stand despite the allusion or risk falling predictably flat.
What I'm saying is: I do agree with you, but in the history of western poetry, this is a fairly recent sentiment.
I also believe that alluding to other works in a poem is not something one should desperately avoid, because knowing the allusion can enhance the appreciation of the poem.
~Taigaku