THIRD PLACE WINNERS CIRCLE

[LaurieAK]

POEM #3

I did not realise

I didn't realise
that a room
could be so stained
and that a semi-naked bulb
could smear shadows.
I didn't suspect
that the price
would be high
and the service
would be shallow
and discourteous.
I should have seen
the faded neon
the falling paint
the splintered rails
persuading me otherwise.
I didn't balance
the hesitation
against the passion
that meandered
between lies
and deceit.
I didn't foresee
that the tariff
would obscure her beauty
and extinguish my desire.
I didn't realise
that this scene
was not mine
and that morality
would be higher
than the consequence.
I did not realise.


POEM #4

Life in a seedy hotel

The windows cracked and dappled with mildew on the sill.
The curtains rag like structures dripping Vaseline
An old decrepit rubber plant awash with dust and ash
This room is now my refuge and shelter from the world.

This hotel may be dingy it may be dank and bare
But here I live my life without a constant fear
You may all dream of riches you may all dream of gold
Until you find your peace of mind your life is put on hold.

Don’t pity me my refuge, don’t pity my despair.
For soon I will be strong again without eternal woe.

POEM #20

Winging It

sat down with my lover
who has a monopoly of my affection
we played for hours
acquiring toy wealth
and as the hours passed
with the game poised
between jail and riches
our budgie got impatient
for his dinner
and in an act of bird-brained revenge
spilt the contents of his cage
all over the board
leaving me
with a seedy hotel

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My Comments:

Poem #3: I have to admit I do not like the refrain, "i didn't realize." It is deflecting any sort of accountability. I would have prefered, "i should have realized…" or some such. Despite this, I like the 'other parts' of this poem. There is a genuine sense of being there and contemplating that fact.

Poem #4: The ending is a bit melodramatic. But the first two stanzas are nicely descriptive (seedy). And I like the non-consistency of the rhymes.

Poem #20: I am a sucker for non-conforming cleverness. Love this funny, inventive bit.