POEM #22
at the 110 motel
lithe [insert: sarcasm] tile floors scrubbed with CLR (on her hands and knees)
orgasms enshrined by ghostly voices (in her ears)
used condoms in the bathroom (need a pair of gloves)
maria sanchez cries,
"i quit this fucking job" (stroking her crucifix)
POEM #23
Remember We Are All His Children
Come live in G-d’s Hotel
No. 1 Heaven’s Road
Welcome to the Poor and Needy
Where the Wine is wet
and the Bread is seedy
POEM #24
He ditched his wife he left his kids he kissed the dog goodbye
He trashed the house he wrecked the lawn he smashed the window panes.
He grabbed his case, he grabbed his keys he took his mobile phone.
He drove the car and hit the kerb and screeched off down the road.
He pulled into a parking bay affront “the Rio Grande”.
The Rio has seen better days it was a sad demise.
The peeling paint, the battered floor, the cobwebs on the doors.
The sleazy dressed receptionist flicked ash upon the floor.
The Rio Grande a home from home a rep upon the road.
POEM #25
50 dollars a night.
..................................
Who would stay in a dump like this
50 dollars a night and it smells like piss
I lay on the bed
My body feels stiff
I pull back the sheets
Pooh what a whiff
50 dollars a night
And this place is crap
Not even someewhere
Youuuuu would take a nap
Can't sleep a wink
'Cos there is a stink
50 dollars a night
It should be free
ohhhhhhh there's nowhere to take a pee.
THE END.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My Comments:
Poem #22: Lots of great sensual information. Reads almost like the beginning of a story. Leaves me wanting a bit more.
Poem #23: Um, nice little ditty.
Poem #24: I really like this poem. It has a hard-driving beat, reflecting the anger shown. This too seems a bit incomplete.
Poem #25: This poem stinks! Hahaha. Okay, i get it, the hotel is seedy!!
Pt. 3 of 3 HONORABLE ENTRANTS to The Contest....
He ditched his wife he left his kids he kissed the dog goodbye
He trashed the house he wrecked the lawn he smashed the window panes.
He grabbed his case, he grabbed his keys he took his mobile phone.
He drove the car and hit the kerb and screeched off down the road.
He pulled into a parking bay affront “the Rio Grande”.
The Rio has seen better days it was a sad demise.
The peeling paint, the battered floor, the cobwebs on the doors.
The sleazy dressed receptionist flicked ash upon the floor.
The Rio Grande a home from home a rep upon the road.
oddly enough this is a poem that woudl improve with rhymes. it has a dum-di-dum rhythm but the non-rhyming ends of lines jar. then there's the nearly rhyme of "doors" and "floor" which you may not have realised?
this has potential but feels unfinished as I think someone else said.
I am really tempted to do a re-write of this. maybe tomorrow.
He trashed the house he wrecked the lawn he smashed the window panes.
He grabbed his case, he grabbed his keys he took his mobile phone.
He drove the car and hit the kerb and screeched off down the road.
He pulled into a parking bay affront “the Rio Grande”.
The Rio has seen better days it was a sad demise.
The peeling paint, the battered floor, the cobwebs on the doors.
The sleazy dressed receptionist flicked ash upon the floor.
The Rio Grande a home from home a rep upon the road.
oddly enough this is a poem that woudl improve with rhymes. it has a dum-di-dum rhythm but the non-rhyming ends of lines jar. then there's the nearly rhyme of "doors" and "floor" which you may not have realised?
this has potential but feels unfinished as I think someone else said.
I am really tempted to do a re-write of this. maybe tomorrow.