I Am Your Butcher (unfinished)

Teratogen · Post by **Teratogen** » Mon Aug 30, 2004 8:52 am

this is my newest child that i think is worthy for song. but it is unfinished. actually, i am missing 1 line. i can't figure out how to end it. that's the only thing. it's missing a line at the end of the last verse. if you think it should stay like this, let me know, or maybe you can give some suggestions. also, before anyone says anything, i don't think "iller" is a word, but i use it here anyhow.

but this poem/song, well.... i guess it may speak for itself. if there's any questions, please don't hesitate.

I AM YOUR BUTCHER

I sat there in the open field with my axe,
smoking a cigarette.
There was blood on my apron; I sat relaxed--
there would be more blood to be let.
Upon arrival, she asked, "Are you my forgiver?"
I said, "No, Ma'am, I am your killer.
The ill are sick with fear and so I'm here to deliver,
as they're only getting iller."

I am your butcher--
Come as you are.
From atop your hill of worship
you've traveled so far.

She said, "Here I've come to search for holy treasure,
to which I have found you."
"Lamb," I said, "I like my work; it gives me pleasure,
doing what I do.
Your belief in sin is nothing more than guilt within,
and I will bring it down.
Your Shepard has been sacrificed, you're lost again,
just wandering around."

I am your butcher--
Come as you are.
From atop your hill of worship,
you've traveled so far.

"But please, don't be alarmed," I said, "your journey
shall not be in vain.
To your Maker you shall be returning;
this I give you for your pain."
But I could see it in her eyes, she was afraid
with her sheepish little stare.
The darkness swelled within her cheeks. "Farewell," I bade.
She cried, but I did not care.

I am your butcher--
Come as you are.
From atop your hill of worship,
you've traveled so far.

Her faith lay slain upon the grass, her body sleeps.
I can't stand when they plead.
I have yet to meet a creature, being, or sheep
that can convince me to believe.
And while the sun shone through and pierced the sky so blue
I lit up another cigarette again.

I am your butcher--
Come as you are.
From atop your hill of worship,
you've traveled so far.

I am your butcher--
Come as you are.

lizzytysh · Post by **lizzytysh** » Mon Aug 30, 2004 3:58 pm

And, speaking of Marilyn Manson

.

Actually, it seems you've done very well in pulling together a rather bizarre concept of a song. How about just repeating, "Come as you are" ~ a slightly more 'positive' ending than repeating< "I am your butcher." As for going with a whole different line, for the last line, well, I just don't know. Would have to give that one more thought. What prompted you to take Leonard's song, as the germ, and write one going in this direction?

Very effective images come through in:
"I sat there in the open field with my axe,
smoking a cigarette.
There was blood on my apron; I sat relaxed--
there would be more blood to be let."

and

"But please, don't be alarmed," I said, 'your journey
shall not be in vain.
To your Maker you shall be returning;
this I give you for your pain.' "

Teratogen · Post by **Teratogen** » Tue Aug 31, 2004 9:54 am

wow. i must have tapped cohen into me when writing that. at the time i didn't intend on having my poem/song reflect cohen's "the butcher." but i went back to read the lyrics to it and i realize the first verse sounds very familiar!

but i took on the role of a character content on destroying what he disbelieves. i mean, it's pretty obvious that it's christianity. but the butcher has created an open invitation to anyone, "come as you are" to your slaughter. come as the homeless guy drinking beer at the gas station, telling me i am going to hell, or come as the upper middle-class sunday church-goers, as the right-wing conservative protecting his or her misdirected pride, or even come as the collared man of the cloth, i will challenge you. and after it's all done the sky is still blue and the sun still shines.

but i'm not looking for a specific positivity. it's more or less a statement. i do not judge my character. and i guess i can quote cohen on this, his butcher says "i am what i am," and that's what i would expect my butcher to say: "i like my work; it gives me pleasure, doing what i do."

another point i was trying to make was how the butcher offered the lamb a one-way trip back to her maker, to make her feel justified in being slaughtered, but she was still afraid and pleading for her life. a lamb claiming to be a lamb but not acting like one. sounds fraudulent to me. i've seen way too many who fit that description and it breaks my heart. but anyhow, that's as much description i will give now.

Midnight · Post by **Midnight** » Tue Aug 31, 2004 3:04 pm

Very, Very banal. Sorry, but it is.

When I read something like this, I realize just how good Cohen is.

Teratogen · Post by **Teratogen** » Wed Sep 01, 2004 9:01 am

and where is your beloved masterpiece of prosody, midnight? you seem to have quite the tongue, but not the cheek.

LaurieAK · Post by **LaurieAK** » Thu Sep 02, 2004 12:17 am

Teratogen~ Self righteousness is as distasteful from the left as it is from the right.

That said, you do have a line here i especially like:
"...sheepish little stare."

Quite funny/punny.

regards,
Laurie

Teratogen · Post by **Teratogen** » Thu Sep 02, 2004 9:18 am

self-righteousness? i don't think what i wrote was self-righteous. i view that phrase as some extreme kind of narcissism or selfishness. i never had any intentions of coming off like that.

witty_owl · Post by **witty_owl** » Sat Sep 11, 2004 7:10 pm

The Oxford dictionary defines banal as common-place or trite; trite defined as hackneyed or worn out.
I do not think that "banal" applies as a description of these verses. Perhaps the writing is a little under worked but not banal. Any one who is seriously trying to make sense of an issue or express their own viewpoint/understanding does not strike me as being commonplace. Whether the reader agrees or disagrees with the viewpoint is another matter altogether. If one is making negative criticisms it would be more useful to elaborate and perhaps put forth the critic's reasoning for scrutiny by other readers.
Teratogen, I think that sometimes accusations of self righteousness are a reaction to conviction of viewpoint or confidence in expression. Such accusations should always be considered seriously but not to be taken on board if honest soul searching finds the assertion to be false. The inner voice will tell the truth if time and a quiet mind give it space to speak.
Any expression of art or philosophical positions that challenge traditional religion or belief systems will always provoke a wide range of defensive reactions and denial arguments. Writing that does not tackle these issues head on may work better. The deaf effect is a huge obstacle to overcome if you are going to write in this realm. Any writings that tackle belief structures are going to inevitably strike sensitive nerves. This is my experience.

Cheers, Witty Owl.

Teratogen · Post by **Teratogen** » Sun Sep 12, 2004 9:43 am

bring it on, i say. but thank you anyway.

LaurieAK · Post by **LaurieAK** » Fri Oct 08, 2004 3:13 am

T~

You recently invited me to ring in on this poem...and it serves me right after having glibly stated what i did previously. Although my "self-righteous" comment was terse, I felt you would 'get' what i meant. And if i am vague and others don't catch on, i've only myself to blame.

First off, i think pretty much all the poetry of yours i have read shows your intelligence. As for my original comment, it was because i saw an iron fisted stance aimed at those you oppose...but thought the opposition as relayed was as distasteful as what you were raging against. All this pure individual (mine) opinion and not necessarily gospel (pardon the pun).

I too am frustrated by the irony of christianity and religion in general. But the phrase "to each his own" can neutralize much angst. Of course when others strongly held beliefs tread on others unlike them (war, abortion issues, gay marriage, etc) then it does call for a reaction in proportion to what is being forced upon your individual character.

So, I like your poem. The imagery is splendid. And your point well taken...i just wish it was not so....um....here i go again

'self-righteous'.

regards,
(and with best intentions)
Laurie

Teratogen · Post by **Teratogen** » Fri Oct 08, 2004 8:30 am

that's ok. i do see what you mean. i can understand how you might percieve the self-righteous thing. i mean, i thank you for criticisms, good and bad. i can read this poem and see the narrator (quite frankly me) seeming to be taking a stance of "iron fisted" pride, as you said. he's killing what seem to be innocent "sheep" and has no remorse. perhaps i could have written it differently and/or changed some words or something. or maybe the butcher IS self-righteous, which could be why he's doing what he's doing. after all, he's the only character in the poem who is doing it. i never specified if he worked for a slaughterhouse or maybe the u.s.d.a. hahaha!

i think the question might be how much i personally identify with the character i've created, in which i might respond that i probably sympathize with the butcher greatly. i couldn't ever do what he does though. i am only as good as my argumentative tongue. i carry no proverbial "axe," though sometimes i wish i had the guts to. and by no means does this one poem represent every feeling i have towards christianity. i have many others, some respectful and some spiteful. mostly spiteful though. hahaha.

Young dr. Freud · Post by **Young dr. Freud** » Fri Oct 08, 2004 1:51 pm

I am currently investigating why so many diseased minds are attracted to Leonard Cohen. Thank you for this fine example. I will use it in my monograph: "The Psychopath and the Uses of Cliches in Poetry."

LaurieAK · Post by **LaurieAK** » Fri Oct 08, 2004 7:56 pm

ydf~

Do you Create anything yourself? or do you just bottom-feed off of others, who however lamely or well, endeavor to express themselves in words?

L

Teratogen · Post by **Teratogen** » Fri Oct 08, 2004 11:16 pm

y'know, i never liked freud that much anyway. he told a lot of lies to women to get them to believe that their penis envy and electra complex desires for their fathers was the reason for rape and sexual abuse.

Young dr. Freud · Post by **Young dr. Freud** » Sat Oct 09, 2004 7:02 am

Very interesting. I noticed in your poem that the person you are slaughtering is a woman.