I watch

[Alsiony]

.

[Violet]

.. I like the subject, A.. and a compelling approach to it, too.. I'll return again when I have more time to give it, though the last two lines read very powerfully to me..

For I know, it is I, and I alone.
Who has turned my beautiful wife to stone.

[Alsiony]

Thankyou V, I appreciate anything that you have to say

A
x

[Juan Juanders]

Ohhh.... thank you Alsiony, this is very beautiful indeed.

I have to read it a few times now. It really is lovely

Juan x

[lizzytysh]

There is so much movement in this that I appreciate, Alsiony. You convey the vibrancy of the once-relationship and with each following stanza after the shift, you convey so well its decay. Maybe some lines could be differently phrased for rhyming or whatever, but that's for others to contribute. For me, I'm just very struck by how you've painted a relationship in a way that avoids its being a woman's lament, but rather a very measurable loss of what once was. I felt both the joy and the sadness as I read.


~ Lizzy

[Alsiony]

Thanks Juan and Lizzy - it wasn't easy to write.

A
x

[lizzytysh]

I could see it took some serious reflection... and the word I ought to have used was "harden," rather than "decay" ~ particularly effective was that in your final scene, the woman is motionless, as though hardened into sculpted stone.