'Hide' (This one is still messy!)

[Alsiony]

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[Cate]

Hi Alsiony
I enjoyed your poem. Like many of your poems about women, it speaks to me.

Daily noise -
Don't leave me now,
I need you -
Keep me numb.
Where there are cardboard flavoured words

These were my favourite lines - - reminds me of the Book of Mercy
~~~

S1
Only glance at the mirror,
Look away before my eyes
See me.
I realise what I need,
Now I feel it deeply
Missing.

S5
Look at the mirror -
Practice your bright face Baby,
Hold back the choke -
Cough lightly...
Then breathe in your restraints,
And switch your spotless animation on

Just a thought if you're still playing with this, the first two lines of these stanzas seem to be reflecting each other – perhaps you take it further with the general rhythm and pace of S1 reflected in S5.

[Alsiony]

Hey Cate, thanks for posting x

I know what you are saying re Book of Mercy - there is also a slight allusion there to one of my favourite Pink Floyd songs...

I wrote this about someone, a male as it goes, but there is plenty of woman in there too

You have seen very correctly into the mirror idea too - the first mirror reference, glancing at the mirror afraid to see the truth in ones own eyes - well absolutely avoiding it I should say, and then the second reference - armour on, it is a more commited 'look' at the mirror, I wanted to somehow emphasise that the mirror is never actually looked in to though.
I really like what you said re. rhythm... that has given me something to think about with it.
I guess those two lines, as well as the whole poem, are a reference to that 'thing' that we all sometimes do, coping by 'going along'. The minute you stop and face something, can be the minute that you completely crash. Half-life way of living, but what else is one to do at times?

Your are right! I have no idea about how to clear it up at the minute, I guess it will come.

Today I hear my soul

- this bit does make me cringe!
I don't mind if the whole thing is picked to pieces to be honest with you Cate,
(though what I write certainly, undeniably, does mean something to me) - in that respect I am not the least bit precious about anything that I create.

A
x

[Alsiony]

Just an afternote really - I began work on it again and have ended up with something completely different - haha! Plus words for a few others for some time in future days, months, years. It happens a lot, but this is the first time that I have posted something straight off the top of my head that I wasn't happy with (well it was handwritten first, but that was all I had done with it). Quite a nice experience
I am definately striking the word 'soul' in this poem though- including the word itself just isnt necessary. It feels OTT.

Thanks to those of you who have pm'd me - for the record I dont mind if you want to post, but happy with pm's if it is preferred. Either way - cheers muchly

A
x