THE TRUTH...(...about this wonderful section - actually)

[Alsiony]

A small place
Humble in this world
A delightful Oasis
A fertile refuge

Open Souls meet
To share in safety
Thus permitting freedom's expression
And therefore - beauty's growth

A mosaic picture forms
Made of countless thoughts -
pains, pleasures, regrets
Desires and hopes

The refuge evolves
A unique face develops

- a face to violate?
- a face to smash?

Precious fragile veil of sanctum's mists -
Carelessly gale'd about
Meaningless Thunder please go -
Defecate somewhere else

Thoughtlessness
Truly
Is -
Predictable
In
human nature.


A
x

[lizzytysh]

I love this, Alsiony... for all the obvious and not-so-obvious reasons.

[Harry S]

A small place
Humble in this world
A delightful Oasis
A fertile refuge

Open Souls meet
To share in safety
Thus permitting freedom's expression
And therefore - beauty's growth

A mosaic picture forms
Made of countless thoughts -
pains, pleasures, regrets
Desires and hopes

The refuge evolves
A unique face develops

- a face to violate?
- a face to smash?

Precious fragile veil of sanctum's mists -
Carelessly gale'd about
Meaningless Thunder please go -
Defecate somewhere else

Thoughtlessness
Truly
Is -
Predictable
In
human nature.


A
x

I don't want this place to be smashed by fairy feathers.

[Alsiony]

I can only speak for myself ofcourse - I am strong enough to withstand cast iron Harry S -
And so, with that in mind, I am assuming that you too - as strong in character as you also appear to be- would also fail miserably (in reality) - at being even the tiniest bit damaged by something... as light as a feather

Out of respect for others, I was merely articulating another - extremely valid - perspective - that's all... people will either get that or they won't I guess.

Thanks for taking the time to comment Lizzytish, and you also Harry x

A
x

[shaz]

Great Post

Ode to a newcomer
sorry stuck on aa/bb

If i come to this place you describe
will i be safe, or shall i just hide
for in coming i want be be safe tis true
but i also want to be noticed like you

so as i paste in my hearts fateful moment
I am asking for acceptance and atonement
with all that I have been thru
I thought to share it with all of you

So when you read of my years of torment
please at least, LEAVE A COMMENT!
for i did not put it here for a joke
I have no where else for my love to revoke

If you read and forget the need for a rhyme
and realize the truth is mine

Shaz

[Cate]

sorry stuck on aa/bb

nothing wrong with that, at least you can rhyme personally I'm terrible at it. I rarely can catch the rhythm that you need to pull off a good rhyme.

Welcome to the forum

(p.s. I have read your poem series but just once and very lightly - sometimes comments come a bit later.)

[imaginary friend]

Hi Alisony,

Harry S (and his alternates) have previously challenged the calibre of poetry in this section, in an effort to encourage writers to strive for improvement. He suggested that instead of only posting polite and always-affirmative responses, it was important to offer constructive crit as well, and to foster a more objective 'workshopping' approach, rather than always tip-toeing to avoid hurting feelings. I agree with Harry on this issue. Others here did not. Which is perfectly fine with me. I think that if we strive to be more objective about the poems we write, criticism can be handled more easily, and taken less personally. A bonus to such approach is that it positions the writer to see their poems as others see them.

Well of course Lord Harry's lack of inhibition offended some; but I remember a comment from one of my favourite people on this forum – Greg~, who sad to say died last year November, after a short illness. Harry had been rummaging through old pages of the poetry forum, bringing previously posted poems, that had received nary a comment, back to the top, and commenting (sometimes rudely, sometimes not) on them.

Greg~ commented: 'Harry S is performing triage...'

[shaz]

I can see exactly where you are coming from, and, there is a juxtaposed positioning here for sure.

If the words are used to express the heart,
then are the words to be torn apart?
But if a better way is shown.
Will the words still be your own?

I think that all should feel free
to say what they think needs to be
and the "owner' of the heart felt text
remain untouched and not perplexed

The polarized vision of this forum
and the tension of heart and ryhme
tear apart my words is one thing
But spare the meaning that its bringing

Sharyn Proctor

[Cate]

Harry S (and his alternates) have previously challenged the calibre of poetry in this section, in an effort to encourage writers to strive for improvement. He suggested that instead of only posting polite and always-affirmative responses, it was important to offer constructive crit as well, and to foster a more objective 'workshopping' approach, rather than always tip-toeing to avoid hurting feelings. I agree with Harry on this issue. Others here did not. Which is perfectly fine with me. I think that if we strive to be more objective about the poems we write, criticism can be handled more easily, and taken less personally. A bonus to such approach is that it positions the writer to see their poems as others see them.

Well of course Lord Harry's lack of inhibition offended some; but I remember a comment from one of my favourite people on this forum – Greg~, who sad to say died last year November, after a short illness. Harry had been rummaging through old pages of the poetry forum, bringing previously posted poems, that had received nary a comment, back to the top, and commenting (sometimes rudely, sometimes not) on them.

Greg~ commented: 'Harry S is performing triage...'

I agree with you in your agreement with Harry.
Impersonal criticism is invaluable to anybody wishing to improve their skills. I know that this has been mentioned before but it might be helpful for people who are looking for a specific type of comment to let others know at the beginning of a post or in their profile. For example you could say - not looking for critique I just wanted to share or any suggestions most welcomed... I think it's normal for people to respond in a way that they would like to be responded to.

[shaz]

Thanks Cate
Will number them as suggested, in fact, i will put the series in a new thread,
this will be easier, but a marathon spanning 1995-2002

Ta Shaz

[Violet]

So when you read of my years of torment
please at least, LEAVE A COMMENT!

Shaz

Hi S.. my comment is that I think these two lines are the strongest lines of your poem. Not just because they're quite funny -- even if you didn't mean this to be a joke, sentiment wise -- and actually, sentiment wise it isn't a joke, given how sometimes something self-aware and humorous can best reveal uncomfortable truths..

But what I wanted to add as well, is that the subtle rhyme of 'torment' and 'comment' has a sophistication to it. Maybe it's that the first syllable of each word are so different from each other, so that, even though they both end in 'ment' -- which could signal a problem when trying to rhyme well.. still, this potential problem is somehow offset by the closed 'tor' sound, starting off the first word, and the open 'kah' sound, starting off the second, which seems to result in the two words complementing each other, sound wise.

I'm not saying that you consciously thought about these things when you wrote these two lines.. but sometimes it's good to really try to hone in on what, in fact, is working, when something works. You can also do the same when you feel that something isn't working.

Anyway.. that's my close-up analysis as to why these two unlikely seeming words (when it comes to rhyme) could in fact have a favorable outcome.

In sum, the two lines sound nice, both in terms of rhythm (a vital topic for another day), and also in the sophistication of how they rhyme.. oh, and also in the humorous way they disclose the desired sentiment.

happy writing,
v i o l e t

[Alsiony]

Hey Shaz - I too am going through what you have posted - glad you are keeping 'em coming

I.F. - I am prone to banter at times, but my thoughts and feelings are genuine nevertheless, and here with this thread I wanted to express another side to the coin, or atleast, (or perhaps - even more importantly) - to maybe help to bridge a gap in perceptions atleast It seems like that is what was beginning to happen and I thought it was a shame.
I would never suggest that anything in life be viewed through tunnel vision, (my life so far has managed to squash in a great deal of very negative and positive experience - so my very existence today proves that tunnel vision certainly isnt my way of thinking about anything )
This part of the forum (- like the rest of it) is organic and it grows and flows - in that sense you could say it is alive, and all things that have the passage of time that they go hand in hand with - also go through stages. I am sure it will continue to evolve and change, and probably go full circle, as I am sure it has done repeatedly over the years, as most things in life do anyway Well this is how it occurs to me.
It may seem unexpected, but I agree with what you have just said absolutely, and personally I am glad of it too
These posts that you refer to were perhaps before my time on here - but I think it's a wonderful and healthy occasion that they have been mentioned again - right here and now

Cate - I guess people post their creations here for all different reason hey? That's an obvious thng to say I know - and I am sure that I sometimes find it difficult to guess whether folks want an opinion or just to be somehow heard, read, listened to. But then, nothing is cut and dry - and not much is easy - a principle afterall, that is being illuminated for all to see right now.
Praise be for that

A
x
(Claire xxx)

[shaz]

Thanks Violet,

i guess that i don't think
the words just come out of pink
and when you see them in that context
I think, of "the miracle" of minds connects

the honesty of desire is true
the need for friendship anew
loneliness in lovelost hours
and sorrows that my heart devours

the tears i shed when writing here
is the expression of many a year
in times gone past i was a queen
and for now it all seems like a dream

life has past so quickly now
and bears no resemblance to me somehow
in honesty i wore this dress
so that others will not feel suppressed

kindness will create a place
and lesson the feelings of disgrace
i thank you violet for your kindness spent
and any criticism i will never resent

the hardest judge is always the self
when stripping away the dust from the shelf
and ones creations are often undone
by the baron regression and being but one

Thanks Violet
Shaz