A dance in the dark

C. · Post by C. » Thu Feb 05, 2004 8:54 am

Tonight I watched the lambent flame
echo across the forgotten wall
Where shadows creep and dance in the light.

I’ve watched the children laugh and cry
I’ve seen serenity pass me by...

The rivers flows without reason
and where to go, i just don’t know
Price of Darkness save my soul

I’ve watched the children laugh and cry
I’ve seen eternity pass me by...

Ok be nice!:P

Sandra · Post by **Sandra** » Thu Feb 05, 2004 5:13 pm

nice poem!!

LaurieAK · Post by **LaurieAK** » Thu Feb 05, 2004 7:27 pm

C.~ I really like your refrain, the rhyme and beat flows. But the message in relation to the whole of the poem seem fragmented. Like this is a piece of a larger poem. Maybe a more specific title would help bring this together. Try reading it as if you have never seen it before. Does it really say what you want others to hear? Great use of images. Thanks for sharing, Laurie

C. · Post by C. » Fri Feb 06, 2004 3:31 am

yeah I know the title needs work..

it's one of those things I wrote in like 5 mins while i was at work and had some good lines in my head..

thanks for the input though.. it's appriciated.