The three coffins

[seadove]

This poem was written In memory of the three soldiers,Benny Avraham, Omer Suwaid and Adi Avitan, may their souls rest in peace, who retuned home, each in their coffins, exactly 1210 days from the day they were kidnapped and murdered by the Hisbullah in Lebanon.

One thousand two hundred and ten days
will set anyone a blaze
to imagine the sorrow
like there is no tomorrow
Please ma'am do you have a tissue to borrow?
the clamp in my heart
will sadden anyone's imagination
right from the start
to think that mothers don't have any feeling
the wounds would not be healing
because those dreaded days
have taken a century to pass, so he says.

And yet they are back
and the families are all glad
Even though they don't breathe
It's not so bad
really now do not feel sad
what's that I see rolling down your beautiful face?
it's not a tear, I hope, embrace
the fact, mother, at least he is here
Adhere to G-d's command
for we came naked to this world
and naked shall we leave, curled
inside a flag and the star of David shines
high up in the sky
High above the trees
where the fallen sees
us, embraces us in his arms
he does not speak
he does not seek
he does not seek
he does not seek

[Lion of Lions]

This poem was written In memory of the three soldiers,Benny Avraham, Omer Suwaid and Adi Avitan, may their souls rest in peace, who retuned home, each in their coffins, exactly 1210 days from the day they were kidnapped and murdered by the Hisbullah in Lebanon.

One thousand two hundred and ten days
will set anyone a blaze
to imagine the sorrow
like there is no tomorrow
Please ma'am do you have a tissue to borrow?
the clamp in my heart
will sadden anyone's imagination
right from the start
to think that mothers don't have any feeling
the wounds would not be heeling
because those dreaded days
have taken a century to pass, so he says.

And yet they are back
and the families are all glad
Even though they don't breath
It's not so bad
really now do not feel sad
what's that I see rolling down your beautiful face?
it's not a tear, I hope, embrace
the fact, mother, at least he is here
Adhere to G-d's command
for we came naked to this world
and naked shall we leave, curled
inside a flag and the star of David shines
high up in the sky
High above the trees
where the fallen sees
us, embraces us in his arms
he does not speak
he does not seek
he does not seek
he does not seek

brilliant evocation of imperfect life, your deliberate spelling mistakes, the mindless repetition, all crafted by you to demonstrate that these loved men were, in the end,only men, with all their frailties and faults.

"Please ma'am do you have a tissue to borrow?"- what a memorable line, this would be worthy of a poet of the standards of Jack Lazariuk who sits at one end of the talent scale in this forum. Indeed he too recently used the word "breath" instead of the conventional "breathe". "Even though they don't breath " The deliberate use of the wrong word and its nonsense "meaning" is a shrewd demonstration that life makes no sense. Well done!

Thank you for giving all of us " a blaze" and throughout this poem sacrificing language and coherence to illustrate the mess and futility of these events.

Your poem, like the murders, is truly tragic.

[seadove]

Thank you for your feedback. Btw my spelling mistakes were not deliberate. If you'd care to point them out I will be happy to endulge to a face lift. For a start I amended the word breathe.

[lizzytysh]

Dear Seadove ~

Your tribute to your three loved ones is lovely. It's clear that it's sincere and your genuine, humble words, with any of their imperfections, outweigh the caustic, 'clever' and corrective remarks of another. I appreciate the depth of feeling in your poem and I'm sorry for your losses. Thank you for trusting us enough to share your tribute.

Michael ~ Can you not leave anything alone?


~ Lizzy

[seadove]

Thank you ma'am, you got me dizzy miss Lizzy. But also Iam always open to constructive criticism. The Lion's comments were not pushy so I can fall on my face. He pushed, and then he protected, so I can get away only with mild bruises.

[seadove]

I want to comment here that I wrote this poem about an hour after we all knew that these hostages were dead. We did not know for sure that they were dead. Some of us were naive enough to believe that they might be alive, or at least one of them, for the least. You can imagine what impact that had on their families.

[lizzytysh]

When someone dies, we scramble to find comfort in whatever there might be to bring it. I like how you focused on the something that these mothers have, that some do not:

it's not a tear, I hope, embrace
the fact, mother, at least he is here

I also like your repetition [not only a repetition in the way that one can do with oneself or another to reassure, but also, symbolically, once for each man]:

he does not seek
he does not seek
he does not seek

I'm glad you were able to take the sarcastic critique in such a spirit, Seadove.


~ Lizzy

[lazariuk]

I want to comment here that I wrote this poem about an hour after we all knew that these hostages were dead.

There might be seeds there that require a little more thought and consideration. I'm pretty sure that Leonard spent a long time with "Dance me to the end of Love"

[Geoffrey]

lizzytysh wrote:
>Michael ~ Can you not leave anything alone?


yes, why is he like that? he needs a damned good whacking if you ask me.

[Cate]

Well - now that's an idea.
I think we could probably find a few volunteers - will you hold him for us?

(G. it's good that you chose the word whacking and opposed to bonking as apparently bonking somebody in the U.k. has a double meaning )

[Geoffrey]

seadove wrote:
>I want to comment here that I wrote this poem about an hour after we all knew that these hostages were dead.


if i am to understand correctly, you are stating that you started the poem one hour after you knew the hostages were dead. you are saying it took you one hour to absorb and digest the news before becoming inspired enough to write a poem - would that be correct? or perhaps you meant that you felt compelled to write immediately upon hearing the news and your work was completed after an hour? would you be willing to clarify the duration of your literary effort, as i am interested to learn whether your word 'wrote' meant 'started' or 'completed'. after all, a poem is not a paranormal manifestation, it does not just materialise instantaneously. i will, of course, understand should you decline to elucidate, as an enquiry of this nature, while innocent in this instance, can often be construed as invasive.

what also intrigues me is why nobody else thinks to ask such a question. where is the inquisitive mind of a leonard cohen fan these days? it is this complacent attitude, this 'devil-may-care' attitude, this blasé 'nothing matters' attitude that seems to permeate any subject a person raises. try to show a little genuine interest in what a person says, let them see that you have read and thought about what they have written. give it a try, be engaged in another person's thoughts. you can do it if you put your mind to it, i am sure.

[Geoffrey]

Cate wrote:
>it's good that you chose the word whacking as opposed to bonking, as apparently bonking somebody in the U.k. has a double meaning.


well, i am not over familiar with street slang, cate - as i move in slightly more cultured circles, but i must say i am impressed at the way you employed analytic attention to the words i chose. this shows an encouraging ability to evaluate a person's vocabulary, and thus assist the discussion to develope and evolve in a positive and constructive manner. bravo!

[Lion of Lions]

I'm glad you were able to take the sarcastic critique in such a spirit, Seadove.


~ Lizzy

not many people are as precious as you Lizzie, especially when you keep speaking on behalf of others. try treating people like adults and relax.

[Lion of Lions]

Cate wrote:
>it's good that you chose the word whacking as opposed to bonking, as apparently bonking somebody in the U.k. has a double meaning.


well, i am not over familiar with street slang, cate - as i move in slightly more cultured circles, but i must say i am impressed at the way you employed analytic attention to the words i chose. this shows an encouraging ability to evaluate a person's vocabulary, and thus assist the discussion to develope and evolve in a positive and constructive manner. bravo!

btw for those unfamiliar with Norwegian wildlife, the "develope" is a first cousin of the "antelope" and is known for its unusual coat which resembles a tuxedo.

[Lion of Lions]

Thank you for your feedback. Btw my spelling mistakes were not deliberate. If you'd care to point them out I will be happy to endulge to a face lift. For a start I amended the word breathe.

I think a very interesting exercise would be to write one poem soon after an event and a different one after some time has passed for reflection. so I am not suggesting just a revision but a fresh take entirely. thanks for taking my comments in good spirit. there are a few over-precious people here who assume a grandmotherly protection of those they feel are needy. you are obviously your "own person".