In Memoriam (1976-2003)

[J Hillenburg]

In Memoriam (1976-2003)

for Shannon Cowden



What exactly it was

that drove you

I really don’t understand.

Your anger

and general distaste for the world

knew no boundary,

and overwhelmed everyone

you came in contact with.

You drank with a fervor

that few possessed.

I knew, even then, that

it would be your eventual

undoing.


And it was.

After having given your life over

to a manic betrayal

of all accepted standards,

you paid the ultimate price,

body broken,

dead far before your time

but not really.

You had not had any joy for life

in many years

and lived in a liquid twilight

where you depended on the

allowance

of others to get you by.


You were often child-like, petulant,

angry at a world that you perceived

had lied to you,

and determined to make them pay and pay

and pay.

It was, by equal turns,

pathetic and sad.


And, God, I had to witness it all.


We were brothers of the bottle, unappeasable,

and we chased every possible moment

of intoxication

like doomed sailors of a dark, putrid sea.

You were the perpetual little brother

prone to fits of disaster, and I watched

you, watched you to save you from yourself.

Odd. I was suppose to save you, and yet

could never save myself.


Ah, old friend, I meant to be hard on you

here

for all of the promises of life that you

recklessly squandered.

But I cannot.

May the sweep of our personal history carry

you through to the other side somewhere,

and may some redeeming force await

you there with love.

[George.Wright]

A nice message of personal hope from the despair of the waters of lethe.
Very nice.....................Georges

[lizzytysh]

Dear J ~

Your compassion in this gave me chills. It developed beautifully and came to a rightful end. Last words to a friend. Didn't you write another piece about this same person a while ago here?

~ Elizabeth

[J Hillenburg]

No, the subject of the poem was a friend who recently died
in an alcohol-related automobile accident.

Thank you for your kind words. I was extremely uncertain
about this poem, and even still doubt if it has true "poetic"
qualities. It seems rather prosiac to me. Oh well. The most
important thing I wanted it to accomplish was that it be TRUE,
and for it to be an honest declaration of my thoughts and
feelings in the face of yet another needless tragedy. I
think it accomplished that, at least. Poetic concerns had to
take a backseat, if only for this instance.

Again, thank you for your kind words.

[lizzytysh]

OK, J, thanks. You're welcome, of course. It was fitting, and it makes no difference how it gets categorized. Words from the heart are, form, and have their own kind of poetry. I'm sorry you lost your friend. It sounds like he counted on your friendship a lot. It's sad when there's only so much we can do, isn't it?

~ Elizabeth