An October Proposal (language warning - moon)

[Cate]

An October Proposal

I think of you, under the fertile moon.
If you wished me to, I would come to you.
Stand in its light for you, let you circle me,

let you draw down this blood moon for me.
Our mutual disbelief would make this ritual
pure, we could lie as man and woman for the night.

In morning we'd wake as friends
and pack away any ropes or bindings.
I could make us pancakes, you could make us tea.

[Violet]

An October Proposal

I think of you, under the fertile moon.
If you wished me to, I would come to you.
Stand in it’s light for you, let you circle me,

Let you draw down this blood moon for me.
Our mutual disbelief would make this ritual
pure, we could lie as man and woman for the night.

In morning we’d wake as friends.
and pack away any ropes or bindings.
I’d make us pancakes, you’d make us tea.

Cate,

Initially, I thought this poem could be about two women... although, upon further reflection, I realized it could go either way.. still, the "we could lie as man and woman," as well as the fertile/blood moon imagery was what engendered my first impression... In so speaking, I do think women can lay claim to the moon.. In any event, I'm really taken by the poem's imagery, the blood moon, even the ropes and bindings, which feel to be the complications, the strings attached in most relationships, which here pleasantly disappear as the two remain just friends. (I just nixed my initial thought that the ropes and bindings may have been used in their love making, but perhaps there's a shade of that)...

I'm wondering if the lovers' ritual might not be purified by the light of that moon itself, as opposed to their disbelief. I keep trying to hone in on exactly what their disbelief is about... is it their being together finally? That blood moon? Either way, maybe there's a way to bring us in more on the nature of this disbelief, as I've realized as I've been writing this that I'd like to know more about it. Also, if you really feel that it's the lovers' disbelief that makes their ritual pure then maybe there's a way to show us how, since that's what I find myself questioning, and wanting to understand.

much later edit.. I've been visiting threads past, as it were.. taking a stroll down memory lane.. and saw that I'd added an additional note here on the emerging romance between "Georges and Violet" that would start to emerge later on.. and.. I don't know.. I no longer know why I felt compelled to add that here, as it evolves rather organically later on.. so I snip snipped.. Oh, also, I went with a smaller font, as I would become accustomed to doing later on.. v.

[Cate]

Hi Violet, thanks for reading and commenting.

I kept putting line 5 in and out, not sure if it belonged in a short poem.

The disbelief here would be in the pagan ceremony of drawing down the moon, neither I or you would believe literally in this sort of thing. As for gender, whichever works for the reader is fine.
Blood moon is just a reference to which moon it is, it's also known a hunters moon. Blood moon kind of fits October and Halloween.

Cate (whose comments keep changing in response to your critique that you said also kept changing - as the 'poem' kept changing it seems appropriate.)

[Manna]

It's kinda short for something I'd like to linger on for a while. I think I want more description. A one-night-stand (or lie down, why do they call it a "stand" hmmm, Michael?) can be a lovely thing, I think, as long as both know that's what it is before it begins. I didn't see this as woman-on-woman, though it was deffo written by a woman.

The first four words don't do much for me. I think a stronger opening is your second line, and you could move the fertile moon to the second line. OK. I'm taking way too much ownership here, but ...

I would come to you
under the fertile moon
stand in its [adjective, not milky] light
and let you circle me

- since this is a proposal, perhaps you could re-syntax that as a question. May I come to you...
(Hey! I never used syntax as a verb before. Yeehaw!)

I don't know how well-known pagan ceremonies are, and thought you were making this up, calling it a ceremony with poetic license. I don't know what this ritual entails, and it might broaden your audience to describe it a little. Does he mimic pulling at the sun as though it's at the end of a fishing line? Do you position yourselves so you can see the moon in certain relations with each other's bodies?

I kind of like the idea of making the ritual pure through disbelief. To me, this is how rituals begin - as an experiment that worked, and so is repeated. It makes it more about being in the moment rather than following a rule. It's also why I don't like to follow things that are traditional or ritualistic, because they seem to take on something of their own that doesn't necessarily apply to my current situation. I don't mean that all traditions and rituals are bad, but saying so may be the best I can do. They tend to become what they are because they do work for a great many. I just mean that I don't want to follow them blindly, purposelessly, unintentionally, or overly adverbly.

Oh, Cate, ever ready for some light bondage and pancakes. Mmmmm. Sounds lovely.

[mickey_one]

I will be publishing a comment on this piece but I am unable yet to give a precise time for its unveiling. I urge you all to show patience.

[George.Wright]

Sounds to me like a bit of white magick involving the sexual use of Kundalini. Anyways, each to their own, whatever floats your boat........
ps was there an offer of tea afterwards??
Georges.

[Violet]

Cate,

I deleted my first note to Georges in the interest of world peace. I'd obviously been attempting to win his tea sharing affections a bit too ardently, and in the end, there really is a point when you realize that sometimes a cup a tea isn't just a cup of tea. And that's a hard moment to face. Anyway, he is obviously more interested in kundalini than tea, or at least when it comes to me, so I guess I'll just have to be satisfied with this compromised state of international affairs... I would add that if any of this makes any sense to you, or anyone else reading this, please clue me in. I think I may be starting to come unglued here... Georges, are you doing some of that o'l black magick again?...

Violet

[George.Wright]

Violet,
I have you in my sights, A Voodoo doll at dawn with a blunt pin. I'm glad, cause the doll is made of rubber. Anyways, is a cup of tea and a piece of crumpet, out of the question?

Georges.

[Violet]

Georges,

I'm beginning to understand this dualism people have mentioned in relation to you, and am of course duly [make that "dually"] impressed. Tea is never out of the question with teetotalers, which I've never claimed to be, by the way, but I think this is a start, and that the world can now breath a sigh of relief that international relations here at the (turning) Ugly Losers L.C. poetry circuit Forum (so called) has at least been half way restored, dualistically speaking. Obviously, your spell is still at work, and I'm still a bit, well, unglued -- but nothing that some Irish Breakfast couldn't fix. I'll stop now, fearing

(that was a mickey_o tactic, by the way)

I just removed my closing salutation, thinking Lord M. would have found it too cliched,

Violet

[I fixed it, but I keep writing "turing" Ugly Losers, which has an odd connotation all its own...v]

[Georges]

Violet,
The great Lord M would bless our union esp if we forgot the tea and reached for the whisky, goodness I am feeling a little bit frisky.....
Anyways, he would don his wig and savour our moments together, for he is really a good chap and is out to save the world. He seems to have some problems with his gender lately and his many personalities. What he needs is inspiration from the both of us.......... That will do the trick.

Georges.

[Manna]

I'm going down town
gonna get a jug of brandy
gonna give it all to Mandy
keep her good & drunk & dosey
all the time time time
good & drunk & dosey all the time

[Cate]

Oh, romance is afoot!

Georges it was pancakes that I was attempting to tempt him with (yes it was a him), tea is what she wanted in return.
V. if you read carefully it was only the tea G. was interested in – ‘whatever floats your boat’, is what you say to someone who likes differently then you, but you wish them fun. George and I have come a long way in our politeness towards each other and tea would be fine as long as he was brewing.

Hey Mandy with the brandy – can sit by you? How but you – do you like pancakes? Just kidding, I’ll try some brandy though. I like your poem suggestions – I’m going to play with it. I don’t know a great deal about the ceremony, might be a good excuse to call a friend. I do know that there’s a cool kiss that goes with it – I had that in but took it out because it was becoming more of a fuck me then a marry me type of thing, I’ll see if I can find some balance, an in between.

Cate

[mickey_one]

An October Proposal

I think of you, under the fertile moon.
If you wished me to, I would come to you.
Stand in its light for you, let you circle me,

let you draw down this blood moon for me.
Our mutual disbelief would make this ritual
pure, we could lie as man and woman for the night.

In morning we'd wake as friends
and pack away any ropes or bindings.
I could make us pancakes, you could make us tea.

now I know why I have been sticking on this piece, I can't get beyond the second line because of its similarity to a brilliant, but brilliant, song by the Flight of the Concordes.

Did I mention it was brilliant?

Soz, Cate that's why I haven't commented

Michael

it's sung in their typical folk-geeky way (they are a New Zealand comedy act with songs)but great harmony as well
go download.

___________________________________________
If You're Into It


If you want me to, I can hang 'round with you
If I only knew
That's what you're into

You and him, him and you
If that's what you're into
Him hangin' round, around you
You're hangin' round, yeah you're there too

And if you want me to, I will take off all my clothes for you
I'll take off all my clothes for you
If that's what you're into

How 'bout him in the nude?
If that's what you're into
In the nude in front of you
Is that what you'd wanna view?

If it's cool with you, I'll let you get naked too
It could be a dream come true
Providing that's what you are into

Is that what you're into?
Him and you in the nude?
That's what he's prepared to do
Is that the kind of thing that you think you might be into?

And then maybe later we'll get hot by the refrigerator
In the kitchen next to the pantry
You think that might be what you fancy?

In the buff, bein' rude
Doin' stuff with the food
Gettin' nude with his food
We heard that's what you are into

Then on our next date, well, you could bring your roommate
I don't know if Stu is keen to
But if you want we could double team you

How 'bout you and two dudes?
Him, you, and Stu in the nude
Bein' lewd with two dudes with food
Well that's if Stu's into it too

All the things I do, the things I'd do for you
If I only knew
That's what you're into

[Georges]

Cate,
Love to brew for you, strong or weak, your choice.

Georges.

[Georges]

Lord M,
A pleasant ditty, you are always so witty.

Georges.