an old poem to bring sweeetness back to this forum

[Sideways]

A pink sugar-mouse
complaining that in a recent survey,
of all-time favourite sweets,
it came well below flying saucers
and space-dust
“there is no justice”
said the pink sugar-mouse
just before it was eaten
by a child
too young to read the survey

[Alan Alda]

OOOoOoooOOOooOOOO. VERY Sweeeeet. (I may or may not be telling the truth) Choose whichever your ego can handle/prefers/wishes for.

I like the circular thinking....and remember it well.

cheers,
L

[Sideways]

OOOoOoooOOOooOOOO. VERY Sweeeeet. (I may or may not be telling the truth) Choose whichever your ego can handle/prefers/wishes for.

I like the circular thinking....and remember it well.

cheers,
L

ouch! I didn't come here to be insulted. surely what you meant to say was

Sue, I think your poem has a lot of potential. Although the message is nothing new, I'd like to see it developed more deeply for the sake of novelty and individuation of the piece. I'm sorry, but your rhymes are dreadfully repetitive. Perhaps you can rework it. Start by writing out what you want to say, add some weirdness and maybe some language play, and then mould it into a form. Best of luck with it!

[Alan Alda]

Dear Suzee (hope you don't mind me calling you Suzee) I somehow feel like we knew each other in a previous life or something and Suzee just seems more cordial.

Actually I almost (came *this* close) used/borrowed that most appropriate and sweet (and nice!) response.

Maybe this could be mocked up with blanks (sort of like madlibs) to make each and every response to poetry nice, sweet, geniune (or not), helpful (or not) and approved by the thought police...wait, maybe that is too radical. I take back that last part:

<insert poemers name here>, I think your poem has a lot of potential. Although the message is <say something nice!>, I'd like to see it developed more <insert adjective> for the sake of <insert a pleasant noun> and individuation of the piece. I'm sorry, but your <say what you are really here for, Here> are dreadfully <insert appropriate sin>. Perhaps you can rework it. Start by writing out what you want to say, add some <insert offthewall suggestion> and maybe some language play, and then <insert tangible action> it into a <palatible noun here only>. Best of luck with it!

[Manna]

Fantastic!!!

I'll give it a try!!!

Dear Sideways, I think your poem has a lot of potential. Although the message is sweet, I'd like to see it developed more fancy for the sake of hammer and individuation of the piece. I'm sorry, but your images are dreadfully sticky. Perhaps you can rework it. Start by writing out what you want to say, add some dust from a long sleepless night and maybe some language play, and then pummel it into a Dairy Queen (or a Burger King). Best of luck with it!


What do you think?

[Alan Alda]

What do you think?

It's nice

[mat james]

everywhichway (or was it upside down?)
No. I've got it. sidewayssue

there is no justice”
said the pink sugar-mouse
just before it was eaten

It is not a sweet poem for me.
It is a philosophical poem about justice/meaning and one's perspective on their place in the scheme of things.
I can imagine this poem being discussed in a Religeous context or a Philosophy tutorial.
But that is me.
I always end up in that tao of a place.

For me, it is a thought provoking poem.

Matj