My Raven Haikoos: completed

[Alan Alda]

Thanks for all the comments.
much appreciated,
L

[damellon]

Congratulations, Laurie.

[Alan Alda]

Thanks!
I'd gone for over week thinking the deadline for finding out if you were going to published had passed....this was truly a total surprise!!

[William]

Alan old chap,
let me tell you (from the inside) academia is not the be-all.
Let the poems fly, forget the professors.
Let the ravens take them to new audiences.
Be happy for the poems.
Well done.
William
PS On a different note. What is the gobbledegook at the end of your posts about mats and all that kind of thing? Is it meant to be deep and meaningless?
PPS And Sylvia couldn't read a bus or train sign to save her life. I know, I worked with her. So that quote of hers sums her up to admirably. I once saw her miss three buses because she misread the destinations AND the numbers.

[Manna]

well done, Laurie. congrats. and happy satisfaction at publication.

[Alan Alda]

Willy~
Thanks.
I had a simply dreadful experience last year with our English department...so I'm not as naive as you seem to think I am. Good thing these poems were blind judged.
It is a really nice, full-colour publication, so whoring my poems out doesn't seem quite so bad. From one last year, to four this year. cha-ching.

Yes. Deep and Meaningless...or Shallow and Meaningful... I simply can't remember which...

[Alan Alda]

well done, Laurie. congrats. and happy satisfaction at publication.

Thanks Manna!

It feels a helluva lot better than not getting published

[Cate]

Fantastic work Laurie - Congratulations!!!

[Alan Alda]

Thanks Cate!!!

[blonde madonna]

Onya Laurie, you're a legend.

Wasn't there one with a banana? I have this memory of black and yellow, Richmond Tigers.

BM

[Alan Alda]

Thanks BM!
You have a good memory. The raven/banana thing was written well after this piece was sent in.
A legend?? They will be no living with me if that is the case...hahaha

I dug up what you remembered. I still have not painted a picture. Maybe this weekend...

Yellow. Black and white.
Two ravens peel bananas
In my snowy yard.

p.s. my ravens have started nesting this week. I rarely see them and when I do, it is one at a time...tis the season In a few months they'll bring their fledgings to my yard for vittles...then a few months after that, they'll kick them to the curb and claim my yard as their own once again.

[mat james]

?
?
?
?
?
where is the kigo
and rattan of caesura?
free form to no form!

[Alan Alda]

Well, if you'll notice I butchered the word "haikoo" in my topic title to explain the contents (from past board experience) and hopefully to insinuate I know they are NOT traditional "haiku". I titled the piece itself as is "...Ways" (not: 2 Ravens, 5 Haikus) because in an academic setting it is blaringly clear these are not traditional Haiku, so I didn't call em that. I borrowed the syllable pattern, period.

K?
?
?
?

[Jimmy O'Connell]

Congrats Laurie... well done
Nice haiku's

Show us some more of your talent

Jimmy

[mat james]

because in an academic setting it is blaringly clear these are not traditional Haiku, so I didn't call em that. I borrowed the syllable pattern, period.

Sounds a bit insecure-pretentious-pompous A.A.
Like an apprentice flouting beginner's knowledge.

I borrowed the syllable pattern, period.

"period".....Not really, Laurie. We need to dig the dirt a little deeper to find the treasure.
From this simple Opal Miner's point of view:
In this haiku below, which I consider the best of this bunch, you utilise the traditional structures of juxtaposition of imagery (caesura/kireji), the direct reference to a season (kigo), in this case winter via the word "snow" and then, as you say, you have borrowed the traditional (English language) syllabic pattern.
So this is a more traditional form of Haiku than you are admitting, or more likely, than you realize.
Never mind, it is good to see your struggling efforts.

IV.
Rorschach blots on white:
Carbon copies preening, side-
by-side in the snow.

I like this one A.A. It switches frames effectively at the end of the first line;
and the imigary-contrast of snow and carbon leaps out mid-stride.
Keep at it .

One day you will arrive at you destination.
"Persistence in a righteous course, brings reward" ( I Ching/ Ye Jying? The Chinese Book of Change(s) )

Matj