Not looking for Beauty

[lazariuk]

I’m not looking for beauty
when i walk on the street
I’m looking to find
where you and I meet

I’m not looking for beauty
when i look through the drawers
I’m looking to find
what’s mine and what’s yours

I’m not looking for beauty
when I look in the mirror
I’m looking to find
If you’re standing near

I’m not looking for beauty
when I work on a song
but if I don’t find it
I know that its wrong

Jack

[linda_lakeside]

Hi Jack,

I like your poem as it has a nice intimate feel to it. I know nothing of poetry, and I'm in no position to criticize, but for me it was working, in theme, until you hit that last stanza, esp. the last two/three lines. Just an observation, and I couldn't offer an alternate route, but there it is. Still, it was pleasurable reading.

[lazariuk]

Hi Jack,

I like your poem as it has a nice intimate feel to it. I know nothing of poetry, and I'm in no position to criticize, but for me it was working, in theme, until you hit that last stanza, esp. the last two/three lines. Just an observation, and I couldn't offer an alternate route, but there it is. Still, it was pleasurable reading.

Thanks Linda

I woke this morning with the first three verses just wanting to jump out of me and didn't even wait for my coffee. I knew that where I was headed was that last verse, because it was there watching over every other verse and so I just let them all out to take a look at them and to have eyes like yours take a look. I have a feeling that the song might not be ready for the last verse, but I would throw out the other three before throwing out the last.

[linda_lakeside]

Interesting. Maybe what you have are two songs/poems with potential, as I think the first part has, like I said, an intimacy about it that many people could relate to. However, I don't know where you're headed with that last stanza, as it seems to be out of sync with the rest. As I can't offer you advice, all I can offer you is luck. I suppose these are the things that Leonard went thru. Pages of songs, that slowly morphed into something else, as the idea finally took shape - over many years. I doubt that you're willing to wait that long, but I've always heard that letting the work mellow for a while gives one better perspective. If you would throw the rest out before throwing out the last stanza, why not try playing with the last stanza without the remaining verses.

Good luck with your tinkering.

[lazariuk]

If you would throw the rest out before throwing out the last stanza, why not try playing with the last stanza without the remaining verses.

Good luck with your tinkering.

Thanks again Linda. I am slowly changing my mind and seeing that you are correct about the last verse. I'll leave it there for now as a reminder of something that I don't quite have the feel for yet.

[daka]

Hi Jack

I like the song too

don't mind the last verse
But if you want to change it
How about this?

I'm looking for beauty
inside of this song
And if I find it
I'll know it's not wrong

[lazariuk]

Hi Jack

I like the song too

don't mind the last verse
But if you want to change it
How about this?

I'm looking for beauty
inside of this song
And if I find it
I'll know it's not wrong

don't look for beauty
inside of this song
but if you don't see it
know that it's wrong

[Cate]

I woke this morning with the first three verses just wanting to jump out of me and didn't even wait for my coffee. I knew that where I was headed was that last verse, because it was there watching over every other verse and so I just let them all out to take a look at them and to have eyes like yours take a look. I have a feeling that the song might not be ready for the last verse, but I would throw out the other three before throwing out the last

These are very nice lines to wake up with Jack.

During the first three verses I find myself wondering if the narrator is going to find beauty – is it there already – is it surrounding him – is it waiting for him at a table.

In the second verse the line “what’s mine and what’s yours” again has my mind wondering is this a simple task an everyday ritual like separating laundry or a task of separating people. There’s still the idea of beauty being present or perhaps possible.

I like the last verse. The analogy between a relationship and a song is a good one – it’s certainly easier to say that a song doesn’t work. I’m wondering if you changed it slightly so that the song is not just a song but this song or your song to help connect it to the first three verses.

From

when I work on a song

to when I work on this song
or when I work on your song

[daka]

don't look for beauty
inside of this song
but if you don't see it
know that it's wrong

Genius, Jack

[lazariuk]

I like the last verse. The analogy between a relationship and a song is a good one – it’s certainly easier to say that a song doesn’t work. I’m wondering if you changed it slightly so that the song is not just a song but this song or your song to help connect it to the first three verses.

From

when I work on a song

to when I work on this song
or when I work on your song

Thanks Cate
You helped me find what I am still uncomfortable with
I had changed "this song" to "a song" because "this song" didn't seem right but it is the word song that was actually the problem. The word song doesn't belong there. I don't know yet what does.

[linda_lakeside]

Cate said the analogy between a relationship and a song is a good one, and I agree. However, in this case, I don't think the word 'song' works. How about 'melody'. Something that is suggestive of 'song' like 'harmony' - something along those lines.

[lazariuk]

Cate said the analogy between a relationship and a song is a good one, and I agree. However, in this case, I don't think the word 'song' works. How about 'melody'. Something that is suggestive of 'song' like 'harmony' - something along those lines.

The problem that I have in this case is that when I use an idea that I got from someone else I feel comfortable if I can stem from it and add something of value. I have been failing with this one because the original is too strong and it is out of my league to improve on.
Here is where I got the idea and if anyone can help me improve on it let me know or use it themselves.

"€œWhen I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong."

Buckminster Fuller

[daka]

Another try
at the last verse

I’m not looking for beauty
when I work on a song
but if I don’t find it
I know that its wrong

how about

I’m not looking for beauty
when I work on a song
but if if the song works
It will come along

daka

[daka]

Thanks for the origin of the idea... Fuller!!

This may relate a bit.

Back to first verse:

I’m not looking for beauty
when i walk on the street
I’m looking to find
where you and I meet

This brought me way back to my psychotherapy training days when Martin Buber was quoted a lot. You have referred to him previously so maybe you remember him talking about the "I-Thou moment". It is a moment during individual or group experience where, after a succession of games, 'talking about' 'story-telling' and other contact-avoidances, rich, authentic, deep contact is occasionally made between two people. It is a rare experience, very powerful, and much delighted in. But it can't be engineered. The therapist can only attempt to encourage the conditions in which such an experience might manifest.

Whenever I saw these happen I said to myself, " This is a bloody spiritual experience!"

Would you agree that if you do find this 'meeting' that your poem speaks of you have found beauty without looking for it?

I suspect that perhaps your other verses refer to something similar.

Leonard is a magician. For me his songs are full of I-Thou moments.

daka

[lazariuk]

The lesson for me today is "Jack don't try to help those who are helping you, help those who can use your help"

Thanks everyone. I am letting go of using the last verse.