It's Easier

[Steven]

It's easier
to appreciate the beauty of the crow
when it's not cawing raucously
on a sleep-in morning.

It's easier
to admire the sleek coat
and slinky form of the skunk
when it's not spraying at you.

It's easier
to enjoy
the Canada Goose
an airborne delivery
of sights and sounds
of majestic wild
(for even the less than rustic)
when it hasn't pooped
where you step.

It's easier
to see the good in people
when you aren't being hurt by them
or to forgive them
when you aren't the target
for a continuing harm.

Copyright 2008, all rights reserved, by me, the author. This poem is copyrighted under
my legal name.

[lizzytysh]

WoW, Steven. [Other than the physical 'bulkiness' in the middle verse... ]
Beautiful and I won't say more, except thoughtful, well done and, of course, true.


~ Lizzy

[lazariuk]

Hi Steven. Your poem caused me to think. Here are the thoughts:


I can stand the cawing
that woke me from my sleep
I can take the smell
when your breath isn't sweet
I don't mind there are places
where you still didn't sweep
and the odd time you hurt me
I didn't mind to weep

I'm grateful for the moments
where you and I can meet
while going through this valley
a thousand kisses deep

[Steven]

Lizzy,

Thanks for your comments and more.

Jack,

I like the poem that your thinking brought about.

[lazariuk]

I like the poem that your thinking brought about.

Thanks. It needs yours in front of it to have a chance of standing. Speaking on the poem's behalf I thank yours for letting it tag along

[mickey_one]

It's easier
to appreciate the beauty of the crow
when it's not cawing raucously
on a sleep-in morning.

It's easier
to admire the sleek coat
and slinky form of the skunk
when it's not spraying at you.

It's easier
to enjoy
the Canada Goose
an airborne delivery
of sights and sounds
of majestic wild
(for even the less than rustic)
when it hasn't pooped
where you step.

It's easier
to see the good in people
when you aren't being hurt by them
or to forgive them
when you aren't the target
for a continuing harm.

Copyright 2008, all rights reserved, by me, the author. This poem is copyrighted under
my legal name.

Hello Steven, there may be a children's bath book in there somewhere I suppose, there is a sort of nursery rhythm to your piece.

I always struggle with simple commonplace observations which are chopped up and presented as poetic. I am not going to offer comment on all of it but the middle verse is provocative extremis magnatum , a legal phrase I just made up


It's easier
to enjoy
the Canada Goose
an airborne delivery
of sights and sounds
of majestic wild
(for even the less than rustic)
when it hasn't pooped
where you step.


"an airborne delivery of sights and sounds" could easily come from some 1960's official TV or cinema promo. from, let's say, The Canadian Tourist Board. Can't you hear it? "enjoy the sights and sounds of the majestic wild Canada Goose, but watch out for the airborne delivery of its poop". There is no poetic input at all to repeat a worn phrase like "sights and sounds".


Do you really think it is majestic in flight, compared to an eagle or a falcon? Is it wild, compared to a lion or a tiger (or the occasional poster here when they receive lit. crit.)

The line is parentheses (for even the less than rustic) is a redundant filler in form and substance. It is no more insightful than saying the London Eye is blazing light (for even the less than City dweller). I am curious to know your thinking behind its use, other than "I am one line short in this verse". What information or pleasure does your observation give the reader?

The last two lines are the worst for me. You presumably wish us to be entranced by your description of the species but for mysterious reasons you qualify it by an inane revelation that amounts to saying that it excretes. Or is it your version of Anthem?

"the birds they crap
at the break of the day
there's a crack in everything
that's how the shit
gets out"

Yes, I appreciate the possibility that you wished to illustrate that even great beauty is often spoiled, blah di blah, but it is hard for me to imagine a more inelegant or ineloquent way to have expressed that.

My advice to you is that if a bird shits on your windscreen, don't go out with her again. You can do better.

and I am sure you can do way better here (s'cat-a-logical step for you?)

michael

[mickey_one]

I just re-read my crit. post above and realise how harsh it may seem, (but not compared to my original thoughts, or how your poem would be greeted on a real poetry forum), just harsh by the standards of this friendly poetry-lite place. It made me wonder why I don't comment on more of the many other pieces which I consider every bit as weak as yours, and then occasionally I can't bear a particular poem and instantly respond.

Here are the results of my analysis, which I acknowledge may be of little interest


1. I don't know you so it's certainly not personal. I don't know your age or nationality for example. I don't even know your gender, Steven, or if you have a hidden agender

2. my long running objection that writers will be diverted from learning and improving by well-meaning but shallow praise here

3. I ate too much chocolate last night, I regret it both bitterly and milkily

4. you actually copyrighted it!!!!!!!! why???????????????????????????????????????????

5. an adult used the word "pooped" in a poem presented to other adults, that's right it's come to this, yes it's come to this, and wasn't it a long way down..

6. you left out the verse
"It's easier
to enjoy
my dogs
a garden delivery
of sights and sounds
of domestic tame
(for even the less than trusting)
when they haven't done wee-wees
where I step."

feel very free to copy mickey_one 2008 no rights reserved

[Steven]

Hi Michael,

I hope that the "struggle" with this was worth the effort. I'm glad that a "nursery
rythm" comes across. Rythm is primal to nursery book readers and symphony
attenders. Lots of poets have gotten so into their structures and intellect, and
fail to convey or feel the "rythms" of things.

The Canada Goose sentence will be more relevant to folks in the U.S. who have
experienced problems with them. There is a phenomenon where the birds no
longer return to Canada and cause difficulties for suburbanites and exurbanites.
"poop," was used rather than "crap," because it's more lighthearted.
The Canadian Goose, to me, is majestic, as are eagles and falcons. There is a
large convenience store chain in the U.S. that has the Canadian Goose as its name
(though not in English) and uses it as a trademark image. I'd vote for
eagles and falcons, as being more majestic than the goose, though. But,
if you've ever experienced a flock of Canadian Geese flying in formation,
bugling away and coming down for a communal landing onto a lake, you'd
likely appreciate their own brand of majesty. The line about "the less than
rustic," was an acknowledgement that would be culturally/geographically
relevant to many in the U.S., because of the prominence that the problem
with some of the no longer migrating goose populations -- fouling lawns, ponds,
stopping traffic, etc. "Sights and sounds," aren't words I was happy with and
agree that there wasn't "poetic input," in their usage. Re. "Anthem," and your
sarcasm -- LOL.

[mickey_one]

as your response was so mature and pleasant I have decided to think of you and Canada geese the next time I do my falconry thingy in February. either of you is welcome to land on my rather sexy leather glove if you so desire, but neither of you are allowed to leave your mark.

best wishes

michael

[Steven]

Michael,

It may have been "mature and pleasant," but it sure was filled with misspellings,
hence, the number of edits. That's what I get for posting prior to my coffee
kicking in. Nah, I'll pass on landing on the glove. Do you really do falconry?

[mickey_one]

yes, I do.




















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