The Diary

[Boss]

In the church again. It is cool, peaceful. I wanted to go to the Yarra Yarra for a walk. I have no energy. Shannon is still on. Don't know if I can do it in the morrow. Will decide today.

Edit: just at random landed on 'The Partisan' by Lenny. Gave me a bit of hope ie) 'I will go on'. Just not too sure, how.

[Boss]

I believed in something
Ranted on for nigh on a year
To myself mainly
To her, but she couldn't hear
Not from these lofty peaks.

Maybe there is no God
He doesn't explain Shoah too well
Nagasaki Cambodia my life
This little insignificance
I try and approve.

I die God every day
And in my annihilation
I barely laugh at it all
I cannot
Because I am just so tired.

Physically emotionally spent
Cohen said 'there's not much entertainment'
I've only put on the pads, the gloves
And I am so desperately alone
Still, they want me to proceed.

Why? What's in it for them?
Do they think I'm Christ?
Maybe they too can't stand the World
Maybe they want me dead
I don't know anything.

[Cate]

Ahem, Cate - some women also worry that have too much ironing

oh my gosh, I was totally being sexist there, yes some women have to much ironing and some men do not have enough - very, very true.

[Boss]

The trip is over. I am approaching my home. I can't live up to any ideal, any expectation. I'm a has been, all mucked up. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe the World needs a Superman or Super Philosopher - that I am not. I can't do this. I've tried so many times. Feel like I've let people down, ah but that was always an issue with me. Anyway, it'll be good just to walk the beach again. And try the pier. I'm sorry. Adam

[Boss]

I put on Simon & Garfunkel
'The Sound of Silence'
And I wonder of silence
How it sounds
And I reflect on the
Anxiety I've known
For so many years now
The song restarts
I'll turn it off soon
Not enough silence
I have BBC on mute
Learn of those bastards
Killing & maiming
I turned the song off
Every murderer is for
Their broken cause
Humanity has been killing
So long now
In Mother Africa
One million years ago
Cain killing Abel
A black slave in Virginia
En masse in France
Fifty million in WWII
Charles Mansion
And now Brussels
I know, I know
You are thinking
It will never stop
Why do I, a broken man
Full of hope, go on
To suggest that murder
Will one day stop
You know it's impossible -
But I don't

I posit that not just murder
But death will stop
In time, the killing will end
A guy by the name of Isaiah
Intimated thus
Many beliefs linked to divine
Sing it out so loud
But we are so locked in logic
We can't see magic or miracle
We even doubt God
Who gave us freedom
So we turn to iPhone & iPad
We get bogged down in fact
And how miserable
The whole World has become
We don't give, only get
We believe we are saved
When we buy a new car
Or diamond or television
Religion is altered by fantasy
They do not speak of love
Only high escapist ideals
Which make a mockery
Of any real love
So just what is love
Is it just fucking
A cute email
But a word?
Most of it is giving
Caring, helping
Compassion
But Capitalism is all profit
Same with consumerism
Get get get get
That is what we learn
Love is not here
It is outside our scope
Being that
We still kill, we still take

I put the song back on
Volume lower
And I think of peace
All over our tattered Earth
Yeah, love and peace
And truth
I don't care anymore
For your brittle disbelief
I have the sound of silence
And its love

[Boss]

When Johnny was four his father said, "When you grow up you've got to make a lot of money."
Johnny asked,"Dad, how much does air cost?"

[Gullivor]

So just what is love

I don't know Boss. But alone in silence longing for it is the closest Iv ever got to it.

[Boss]

Gully, for me, my Bub IS love:

For Your Birthday

I remember you turned 21
The Plenty Road Chinese
Your mates & Trev your brother
My left hand on your knees

There is a pic of you that night
Right here beside my bed
It's been enlarged, in ninety-eight
You're in your sleek black dress

Got a ciggie in your right hand
And the bear I gave you too
Your smile that still enfolds me
And your eyes so always true

I ponder on your birthdays
The Earth orbits the Sun
How I didn't try romance
How I fell outside the fun

Bub, so much in us stopped
In August eighty-eight
Our laughter and our truth
Like somethin' shut the gate

I was paralysed and taken
By a promise in the air
I wounded you my darling
I would hardly even share

But even by my mission
Even through the teeming mist
I loved you something fierce
And that's fair dinkum gist

I missed out on your birthdays
Back then, and all along
Don't wanna miss another one
So I sing to you this song

A song of hope and passion
So full of love unfurled
A celebratory ditty
I'll sing it to the world

I'll tell em of a Womyn
Who was true and made me laugh
I'll sing of your compassion
The night we met, the sparks

Let me in my sweetheart
I want you deep inside
Everyday's your birthday
There is no more need to hide

They're sending you & me
So up where we belong
We take it slow, at your pace
Our love forever strong

Adam x