It is long ,
Since
I have touched you,
Felt your rhythm
On my back
In our bed
Of endless motion.
In our harvest
moonlit sack
moonlit river
moonlit river
love is not forgotten......
Re: moonlit river
Jimbo,
ThAT IS BEAUTIFUL. hONEST, LONELY, BEAUTIFUL.
She'll come back, mate; promise
Boss
ThAT IS BEAUTIFUL. hONEST, LONELY, BEAUTIFUL.
She'll come back, mate; promise
Boss
'In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer' - Albert Camus
-
Jimmy O'Connell
- Posts: 881
- Joined: Thu Aug 17, 2006 10:14 pm
- Location: Ireland
Re: moonlit river
Jimbo, I wouldn't change a word, but I would look again at punctuation. Why the full stop at line 8 and none at the last line?
A tiny tiny tiny re-write:
It is long
Since
I have touched you,
Felt your rhythm
On my back
In our bed
Of endless motion,
In our harvest
moonlit sack.
Jimmy
A tiny tiny tiny re-write:
It is long
Since
I have touched you,
Felt your rhythm
On my back
In our bed
Of endless motion,
In our harvest
moonlit sack.
Jimmy
Oh bless the continuous stutter
of the word being made into flesh
-The Window-
of the word being made into flesh
-The Window-
Re: moonlit river
Thank you Jimmy. it was all i had left
of a four verse poem.after a self edit....
jimbo
of a four verse poem.after a self edit....
jimbo
love is not forgotten......