Scarlet - Comments Welcome

[Inam]

Scarlet

I have seen the eyes.
The eyes.

of the scarlet girl…

the eyes that speak
to storms and nomads…

the eyes that fly
in the jaguar’s dream

the eyes that summon
soldiers and deep kisses …

I shall move in those eyes
like a shaft of light…

and ask you the language
of dreams…

Scarlet girl…

I can smell the demons in your neck…

I shall breathe upon them
a thousand times…

on a thousand rainy nights…

when your soul
is lonely as the northern hills…

and your breasts
are electric birds…

impatient…

till I slay them with love

till your lips croon a violent raga
upon my chest…

…your voice of thunder
…your raga of rain

how could I not then slay your breasts?

how could I not hold you
around your waist stained with jazz?

how could I not smell the night
in your bones?

Scarlet girl…

You bring me the rebel winds
in your white palms…

You bring me prisms…

You bring me the sorcerer’s sword…

and after you have mixed in my blood,
and I in your dream,

after the falcon leaves traces
of sweat

…on the shoulders
of dead saints…

you shall steal fire
from the gods again.


[Note: ragas are the basis of Indian Classical music. Moreover, the court singer of Akbar, Tansen, supposedly drew rains from the clouds by singing the Raga Meghomalwhar]

http://inam-poetry.blogspot.com

[Boss]

G'day Inam,

This Scarlet broad, has she read this? Love poetry, nothin' like it. If you have your Scarlet, do not deify her. You are the master of your house., always will be. If, like me, you don't have a Scarlet, know patience - it's really not that bad . Call her on your cell phone - don't need no sorcerer's sword...

It's a bloody good poem mate. More thanks

In peace,
Boss

[Jimmy O'Connell]

soul... full

Jimmy

[che]

Boss
I do not know why is the man must be the chief one of the house? I think this is very dated view.
Che

[Christopher T. George]

Hello Inam,

You possibly don't need the ellipses of dots at the end of each stanza since the break between a stanza already gives a pause. In fact, I would go so far as to say that the ellipses add a confusion and an unnecessary complication that you should omit.

The poem reads well if a little repetitive and (maybe) expected in some of its imagery. I like it. Good work, Inam. I look forward to reading more of your poems.

All the best

Chris

[Boss]

Boss
I do not know why is the man must be the chief one of the house? I think this is very dated view.
Che

So what do you make of utterly dysfunctional families, shit-scary divorce figures, worldwide apathy, distrust amongst the sexes, a world where children have no role models ie) a sane mother and father, only computer screens and horror movies. When do mum and dad play with them? Che, who sits (or used to) at the head of your family table? Why do men traditionally sit there? Why? It's time to say "fuck political correctness and this hopeless equality thing. Men are different, women are different." Concentrate on that Che. Get your head out of this moral cacophony. A man is in charge, else you have 2007. If you just read that and feel, "fuck him." Welcome to the future.

[Jimmy O'Connell]

Boss,

If you re-translate:

You are the master of your house., always will be.

to:

"You are master of yourself., always will be..." I think you'll be alright and not get a deluge of negative feedback from nigh on 50% of post readers......

So.... wait for it.....


Jimmy

[Manna]

Yes, men and women are different. My husband is not the master of the house, and my daughter is not being raised on twinkies and coke. An equal partnership can work. Dysfunctional families existed before women's suffrage. I doubt that there are any more dysfunctional families now than there were in 1920, once you account for population growth.

I didn't read your post and think, "Fuck him." I thought, "Does he seriously believe that?"

I think a family can function with a strong father who makes the decisions. It can also function with a strong mother who makes the decisions. A family can function with one parent, or more. It can also function when two (or more) parents make decisions together. I don't think the functionality of a family has much relation to the model of the family.

~.~

Also, I agree with Christopher re. the ellipses. Nice poetics here, though I don't get the "slaying" of breasts. Breasts as electric birds brought me an image of a defibrillator.

[Manna]

I just read what I wrote, and realized that I left out children, who also can be involved in decision making.

[Joney]

A man is in charge

Who is this man and what is he doing in your home?