My Last Stand

[jimbo]

It was a one night stand,
She was loose and so was I,
The Pale Moon rose and fell,
So we did,Just as well.

The door was locked
Cause She had flirted,
And I did"nt want to share,
Even though,She didnt care.

I lost her fucking number,Cause
she wrote it in the shower,
On the wall with bright red lipstick,
As she leaned ,at some ungodly hour.


We had some rough and tumble frolics,
On the sink and in the bath,
Sipping soap with Irish Honey,
From the nipples of our hearts

She was some other drunkards lover,
On a fuckin night with little frills,
Well we didnt have no limits,
It was all for shagging thrills.

[Birdonawire]

I lost her fucking number
Cause she wrote it in the shower
On the wall that she was leaning
At some ungodly hour,

I really like this bit. Would go great in a song.

[jimbo]

Thanks again birdonawire.
made you laugh
What are words for???

[Jimmy O'Connell]

We had some rough and tumble frolics,
On the sink and in the bath,
Sipping soap with Irish Honey,
From the nipples of our Hearts

Now, jimbo... that's writin'...

I sound like the old English teacher:
Punctuation, punctuation, punctuation...
Capitalised Letters you have to be careful with. When "hearts" above is capitalised "Hearts",I take it that you mean all hearts, humanity, all that heart as metaphor can mean. Now, for you the question is: Do I want to give this word all that weight of meaning and significance??

Welcome man, man....

Jimmy

[jimbo]

Gorra mhaith agat a Seamusin mor, agus mise
seamisin beag agus fear sasta.tigim.....
beidh an la seo go hailin.agus beidh me aras aris
laois an amsior......................

slan ahamisian

Seamus beag

Thank you big jimmy.and I
Am small james and a satisfied man.do you understand.............
Let this day be beautiful,and ill be back again
with the weather............................

goodbye jimmy


little james/jimbo

[Jimmy O'Connell]

Failte, a Chara...
Agus whatever yer havin' yerself....

Mar a dearfa

Gob Fliuich agus bas in Eireann.

Seamaisin

[jimbo]

Jimmy my Irish is worse than my
English/or is it vica versa
aint that sayin sumtim

You always made me feel welcome here
and ill have a pint of bally sparkling
(recovering alcoholic)

Slainte go feol

[blonde madonna]

Jimbo, how about chucking the fourth stanza? I only say this because the misogynistic tone that creeps in here just spoils the pathos of the piece. Paying for sex is nobler than taking advantage.

[jimbo]

I thought about that already,
I only put it in, in response to
people saying maybe she was a pro.ye the first 2 lines are shite all right

well i rewrote half of it and put it last
what you think?

[blonde madonna]

Jimbo it wouldn't matter to the poem if she was a pro. You can start from a real incident but when writing you don't need to be tied to facts.
I agree with Jimmy, the last stanza is the best, and a great way to close. I don't think there's anything in the previous fourth stanza worth saving or needed for the poem.

ps I love the Brendan Kennelly quote. Here's another quote: "The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth." - Jean Cocteau

[jimbo]

thats the problem with my attempted poetry
its mostly based on true facts,except what I would like to see happen in the future
And i dont like when other people see it differently,

jimbo

[Birdonawire]

I lost her fucking number
Cause she wrote it in the shower
On the wall that she was leaning
At some ungodly hour,

I prefer this piece or the poem over the re-written one. It just runs better for me. Not that I know anything about poetry, but I know what I like.

[jimbo]

ok bird you win.................

i did too

[mat james]

From the nipples of our hearts

She was some other drunkards lover,



I love it Jimbo!

Matj

[jimbo]

Thank you Matj....................