Comp. poem 4 Comments welcome

[mickey_one]

Title - Full Circle

I didn't make much money writing poetry
So I changed my job and sang a song or two
Made enough to keep me dapper
But it was stolen by some slapper
I found I had to change career anew

So in my seventies I tried a life of crime
The pay was good; my weapon was a hammer
But I stopped to admire some dust
and that's what got me bust
Full circle now I write poems in the slammer

[lizzytysh]

I really like how this one 'follows Leonard's life' in its short, poetic way. I didn't understand the "hammer" and "admire some dust" parts [except the latter from Ten New Songs, perhaps]. Later, the hammer reference may come to me. The last line is great, though. I'm glad it wasn't disqualified for its title, as with that final line, a title wasn't really needed. The sense of "Has it really come to this?" is conveyed throughout the poem, especially the second stanza.


~ Lizzy

[Joney]

Ok, hands up now, my entries were no. 1 and no.4. No. 1 took me about five minutes but no. 4 took a bit longer, maybe 10 minutes. (I'm awaiting the sarky comments that I should have come up with something better in that time.) I thought I was entering a fun, lighthearted competition and didn't expect such harsh criticism, although I got off lightly compared to others. When I saw that Manna had written of my poem "what a base form this is" I was deeply upset and fainted and had to be carted off to my bed for 3 days to recover from the upset. The doctor was called and he diagnosed extreme hysteria and self doubt brought on by a cruel comment on the Leonard Cohen Forum and he prescribed bedrest and 'Songs of Love and Hate' to help me recover. I am sufficiently recovered now to get back on Boogie Street.

Lizzy thank you for your kind comments. You are spot on in the reference to 'Ten New Songs' and 'Love Itself' and the dust. I loved the idea of a robber getting caught because he stopped to admire dust. As to the hammer, what can I say except it rhymes with slammer, unless of course it was a reference to Leonard Cohen's love of DIY.

Regards
Joney