and back again
fingers weave a loose basket
that holds the unseen
partly lace partly fold
sandwich his in yours
move over
and under
hold
move
hold
wrists touch at the side
light as lips in hum
a dialogue of touch
push with the other
push blood through muscle
to find a way from hand
back to heart
and out again and back again
and out again and back again
and should you think other thoughts
(children, occupation, plans…)
gently let them go
present in this now
in this how
this who
holding hands
and back again
and back again
Last edited by Manna on Fri May 11, 2007 8:42 pm, edited 3 times in total.
Again, not surprizingly, very evocative and beautiful, Manna.
It brought me to remembering the times... I love the way you chose to describe what really happens at a physiological level during those times of expressing your caring through squeezing each other's hands. Such valid dialogue.
~ Lizzy
It brought me to remembering the times... I love the way you chose to describe what really happens at a physiological level during those times of expressing your caring through squeezing each other's hands. Such valid dialogue.
~ Lizzy
"Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken."
~ Oscar Wilde
~ Oscar Wilde
Well, I'll leave someone else to critique it in those ways... and I could probably figure out some of what you're referring to... for me, it remains a unique way of looking at that very simple, yet highly significant, act of hand holding. I also like the movement in your poem. It's always 'telecast' in a very simple, lovely way a particular kind of sweetness and specialness in a relationship, instantly observable to even the most casual observer.
~ Lizzy
~ Lizzy
"Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken."
~ Oscar Wilde
~ Oscar Wilde
Hi Manna,
Who would have thought that just holding hands could be so erotic!
I have just one tiny suggestion in the last stanza. I would add the
word "in" in the send last line and have it read:
"present in this now
in this how
in this who
holding hands"
Just as "suggestion," as always. I enjoyed it visually and aurally.
Sherry
Who would have thought that just holding hands could be so erotic!
I have just one tiny suggestion in the last stanza. I would add the
word "in" in the send last line and have it read:
"present in this now
in this how
in this who
holding hands"
Just as "suggestion," as always. I enjoyed it visually and aurally.
Sherry
Well, now look at that, as soon as a concrete suggestion does get made... and makes sense, in fact, and flows very well, in further fact... I then notice how despite all that, it nails "present" down to "being in the present" and loses the possibilities of "present" as in "presenting" these two [to the visible or invisible] to the world, or even, simply to themselves and each other as a joined unit; and of "present" as a gift; and still including "being in the present," which gets clarified with its following lines, which are already there.
If "in the present" was the only original meaning there, though, "present in this now" is definitely smoother and more flowing.
Maybe, I'll just go meditate on my breath
.
~ Lizzy
If "in the present" was the only original meaning there, though, "present in this now" is definitely smoother and more flowing.
Maybe, I'll just go meditate on my breath
.~ Lizzy
"Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken."
~ Oscar Wilde
~ Oscar Wilde
Hi Lizzy,
I hadn't really thought that far, but I think that "present in this now"
can be the "now" of anytime, past, present or future - the "now" of
whenever the reader is reading the poem. Anyway, it's up to Manna
to decide.
All this thinking is making my head hurt. I think I need to go and
vegetate.
Sherry
I hadn't really thought that far, but I think that "present in this now"
can be the "now" of anytime, past, present or future - the "now" of
whenever the reader is reading the poem. Anyway, it's up to Manna
to decide.
All this thinking is making my head hurt. I think I need to go and
vegetate.
Sherry
It was "in this who" in an earlier draft, and I don't want to bring that "in" back. It was suggested by another friend that I add a "be" so it would be "be present in this now," but I didn't want that because it would nail down that present even more definitely. I want present to be present because I like when I can do that with a word - use the word to be what it is.
I also switched a couple stanzas because I thought it would arc better if the dialogue were before the out and back. And I added a break between "gently let them go" and the next line. I think that helps present be more present. And "push against each other" says things that I don't want to say, so I dropped it, but I didn't want to lose the repitition of push. Not sure about the result. I think I'm thinking it too much - that happens, and then I get insecure about what I've written.
When I first wrote this, it was rife with pronouns. I went through and dropped almost all of them, and I didn't miss them, and it becamse more interesting. That was cool.
I also switched a couple stanzas because I thought it would arc better if the dialogue were before the out and back. And I added a break between "gently let them go" and the next line. I think that helps present be more present. And "push against each other" says things that I don't want to say, so I dropped it, but I didn't want to lose the repitition of push. Not sure about the result. I think I'm thinking it too much - that happens, and then I get insecure about what I've written.
When I first wrote this, it was rife with pronouns. I went through and dropped almost all of them, and I didn't miss them, and it becamse more interesting. That was cool.
Hi Manna,
I like the way you have arranged the stanzas. When I re-read it just now, it gave me the sense of moving deeper from skin to muscle, to heart, to brain, as if the feeling of love were becoming deeper. Very nice.
I know what you mean about overuse of pronouns. I’m constantly fighting that battle myself.
Cheers,
Sherry
I like the way you have arranged the stanzas. When I re-read it just now, it gave me the sense of moving deeper from skin to muscle, to heart, to brain, as if the feeling of love were becoming deeper. Very nice.
I know what you mean about overuse of pronouns. I’m constantly fighting that battle myself.
Cheers,
Sherry
holding hands
holding hands is total sensious erotic adventure in antisipation of whats yet to come
searching eyes.clammy palms............................just remember when you did first fall in love.
i hope ill find that hand again......God knows where it could lead us.....................
searching eyes.clammy palms............................just remember when you did first fall in love.
i hope ill find that hand again......God knows where it could lead us.....................