Hell Woman

This is for your own works!!!
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Granty
Posts: 18
Joined: Wed Jun 21, 2006 2:10 am
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Hell Woman

Post by Granty »

You’d never met
Someone like her
Five minute chats
Sit
Like a gut of bad food
That aches
For release
But you can’t heave it

For her it’s fun
It’s her reality
It seems unreal
Her eyes are manic
You’d like to pity her pain
But you can’t
You can’t see any reason
That she should exist

Hard but fair, that’s our way
You must explain
She comes up to you
Asks again where you work
For no apparent reason
Then she tells you
Mail is being stolen
Have you noticed

You have
Your payslips are missing
So are her bills
Went unpaid, she got reminders
It’s the guy across the road
Harry the hermit, she laughs
She caught him at it
So she took his mail

He wanted his back
So she asked for hers
She got some
Had his in her hand
She asked for the rest
He said he’d burnt it
She raised her hands
And tore his up

She thinks that’s funny
It is a little
He deserves it, she says
She continues
One time the hermit came to her door
With an axe
You feel that ache
In your guts

You listen
The hermit said if her son
Came to his house again
He’d hit him with the axe
So she pulled out a machete
Said you need a bigger axe
You dickhead
Again, she laughs

Your gut is aching
But not from belly laughs
She has more to say
About two daughters
Taken from her when young
The hermit dobbed her in
For interfering, as if, she says
They were taken before they turned five

It’s just like before
Every time she wants to talk
Things spiral down
They start low and plummet
Before you met her
You wouldn’t have known
That things could be so shit
She’s not finished

She says she’s told the cops
About the mail thieving, hermit
Tells you to, too
If you catch him
The cops won’t do anything
Until they have other complaints
You nod, like you do
That’s it

She goes
You walk on
Worse for hearing her shit
Not knowing how much
Is true
But sure
You don’t want to know
Not sure, certain

In the back of your mind
You wonder if the hermit
Hides from the world
Because he’s seen hell
Through her
You know
Not to be taken there
By her

:evil:
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Boss
Posts: 1544
Joined: Mon May 16, 2005 1:56 pm
Location: Kookaburra

Post by Boss »

G'day Granty,

Maybe you could buy her a present. :shock:

Catch ya'
Boss
'In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer' - Albert Camus
Granty
Posts: 18
Joined: Wed Jun 21, 2006 2:10 am
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Post by Granty »

Boss,
Thanks for the tip. Not a bad idea, but I don't think I'll follow it. I will try to remain on her good side though, albeit at a distance.
Granty


:wink:
JiminyC
Posts: 264
Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2006 9:38 am
Location: Solid Rock

Heavenly

Post by JiminyC »

Love this work Granty, who is this woman, who is the hermit? You say hell woman, but then that only leads us to question the narrators judgement.

Then you have the reality of the scenario of these people who seem to lead these more unstable lives and how they might infringe upon our own temporary and ethereal contentment. What if they do go round with axes and machettes? Wise advise, wide berth.

I was rivetted, but the last couple of lines could possibly be made to work a little better for you? My only concern, found it very entertaining, and thank you again.
James.
N.B. I say that then I know the ending to one of my favourite works needs major fixing, do I say that to you only to kick myself maybe? Take care.
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mat james
Posts: 1847
Joined: Sat May 27, 2006 8:06 am
Location: Australia

Post by mat james »

I'm with the Boss!
Buy her a present. :lol: :lol: :lol:

Good advice.

Sometimes we need to take the off beat track.
"Without light or guide, save that which burned in my heart." San Juan de la Cruz.
JiminyC
Posts: 264
Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2006 9:38 am
Location: Solid Rock

A simple gift

Post by JiminyC »

I know where you are coming from Mat and Adam, it does appear that this woman just needs some love, someone to say she is ok and that she doesn't need to be so macho anymore. The fact that she lost both her children is a world of grief, can she ever be retrieved from such a pain?

Her defiance is remarkable in the face of this man she is scared of, but they both lead sheltered lives. Buy both of them a present, and me too please - but then I'll stalk ya until doomsday :wink:
James.
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