I didn't think we'd be here again,
But it feels like it's time to say goodbye.
One year since we found each other again,
But we don't make it work, you know we tried.
You say all I want is fortune and glory,
To suit my selfish needs.
You almost had me believing that,
Til I wasn't what I needed to be.
I think you wanted a hero,
To take you from that place.
Cold, dark, where your father left you,
So far from a state of grace.
Now in the warmth and brightness of day,
You can't stand your hero's ways.
And the same things that drove me then,
Are now driving you far away.
I'm weary of this boiler room,
That seems to serve you as my cell.
You drank me in, like my depths were endless,
But I'm not that deep of a well.
You put me on this pedestal,
Ah, why did you make it so high?
That first step is a long way down,
And I've got no stunt man standing by.
-------
It's getting close. I'm following the Leonard technique; I wrote an initial version of the first 4.5 verses. The second last one was finally completed, and the last amuses me to great deal, so I'll finally venture to put it out there. The lines, rhythm, and meter seem to improve each time I type it out.
Yes, I know I stole a Leonard caption for the title seemingly with no relation, but if anyone does figure out who the characters are (other than they could be my ex-wife and I), it'll makes a great deal of sense.
Looking forward to feedback, and I hope you enjoyed it.
One of those days when the hat doesn't help
And here, all this time, I presumed you to be a woman, Baldwyn 
... well, let me reframe you, as a result of this revelation 
... as a gentle, caring, and well-spoken man 
.
Your poem speaks well to those endless attempts to make that same unworkable relationship work
.
I don't really have time to give you constructive feedback on it... however, you'll want to find another choice for "again" in your first verse, rather than say it twice.
Sorry to be so quick here... but it's a 'scanning' kind of day.
~ Lizzy
... well, let me reframe you, as a result of this revelation ... as a gentle, caring, and well-spoken man .Your poem speaks well to those endless attempts to make that same unworkable relationship work
.I don't really have time to give you constructive feedback on it... however, you'll want to find another choice for "again" in your first verse, rather than say it twice.
Sorry to be so quick here... but it's a 'scanning' kind of day.
~ Lizzy
Huh. I've learnt the hard way to assume that everyone I talk to over the Internet is male, until given irrefutable proof. 
Thank you for your kind words. Those "again"s keep popping in there, even though, I often try to take one or both out. Strange. But obviously they bug me, and it's helpful to know they bug someone else too.
Thank you for your kind words. Those "again"s keep popping in there, even though, I often try to take one or both out. Strange. But obviously they bug me, and it's helpful to know they bug someone else too.
