Poem M

[LaurieAK]

Poem M:


Reconstructing Love

Hidden in the dark confines
of that secret sanctum
those old love letters
are slowly degenerating
into a sad state of
tattered dilapidation
just like our love did
those many years ago

much unfolding
and refolding
has rendered them
into torn little squares
remnants of an experience
ritualistically folded away
then resurrected sporadically
to indulge that yearning
for what once was
for what might have been

carefully stowed
in this private museum
of personal history
they are retrieved
and pored over
on my nostalgic journeys
down the corridors of time
where certain memories
that stubbornly defy
time and circumstance
exhibit themselves

the now fragile folds
of these scraps of history
are bolstered by
sticky tape repair jobs
which only highlight
the flawed attempts
to cohere that
which has fallen apart

revisiting these letters
in moments of unbridled sentiment
or perhaps doubt and regret
exposes exquisitely beautiful words
infused with great feeling
that once danced lightly
off the page
into my open heart

they also uncover
carefully weighted
words of misgiving
that trod heavily
throughout my anxious mind
then later devastating ones
that mercilessly trampled
throughout my whole being

those delicate decomposing pages
with their forever potent words
will eternally illuminate
all there is to know
about the permanent scar tissue
in this still open heart of mine

[LaurieAK]

Hi~

This was an epic endeavour. There are some really great details. But details also overwhelmed the piece. There is an over use of adjectives that slows this piece down too much. Like it is trying a bit too hard.

This is coming from a person who has written not one, but two poems with the title of "scar tissue."

It is a lovely piece, with a fitting metaphorical theme.

Thanks,
Laurie

[Andrew (Darby)]

Hi Laurie

Thanks for the feedback. I agree completely with your very constructive criticism - in fact I'll probably rewrite the poem in light of your comments (just to perfect it and satisfy myself). However, the two poems assessment is not quite the historical situation - well not that I can recall. Not withstanding this, that bumpy emotional terrain is certainly one I can recollect.

I must commend both you and Elizabeth on the way you have conducted this competition. I also appreciate your level of commitment, in terms of the amount of time you must have invested in the judging, not to mention your provision of thoughtful, positive and expert feedback on everyone's poems!

Cheers
Andrew (Darby)

[LaurieAK]

Hi Andrew~

Oh. So this is your poem!! Nice.

Re-reading what I wrote I see that it is not clear. I was referring to Myself when I said "...this is coming from a person that has written not one, but two poems with the title of "scar tissue." Guilty Hehe.

I'm glad you found what I said helpful. Can't ask for better than that!

And thanks for your kind words about judging and such...Glad to do it.

regards,
Laurie

[Diane]

Andrew, your poem evokes a sense of the endurance of love/loss and how we can endlessly reconstruct it in our minds over time. Nice read. Thanks.

Diane

[Nightstalker]

Andrew,
Your poem tells the complete story and may be difficult to rewrite with fewer words. I liked it, but then I have enjoyed reading Kiplings, 'The Legend of Boh Da Thone' end to end more than several times along with even longer epic poems. Heavy fruit requires much bracing and heavy hearts large outpourings.

If you ever develope a rewrite which satisfies you I'd like to read it.

[Andrew (Darby)]

...Re-reading what I wrote I see that it is not clear. I was referring to Myself when I said "...this is coming from a person that has written not one, but two poems with the title of "scar tissue." Guilty Hehe.

Laurie, thanks for clarifying that - I should have guessed as much!

Diane, thanks for your comments - I'm pleased you enjoyed it. I do believe that reconstructing thing is quite a phenomenon - well for me anyway (though I do it more in terms of missed opportunities, unrequited love and the coyness of my youth)!

Nightstalker, thank you for your reassuring words - I would be happy to PM you the revised version (if/when I do it)!

Cheers
Andrew (Darby)

[Tri-me]

Andrew I loved this!!!!!!
it would make a great short film, video poetry. I am a visual person if I have to like what I see as much as like what I read.

Thanks

[Andrew (Darby)]

Thanks Tri-me - now that you suggest it, I can also visualise it as a short film. It's just a shame I don't have the movie making skills to achieve it! (Mmmm - I'll file that away and think about it, anyway.)

Cheers
Andrew (Darby)