Advice to Myra at Twenty Nine

ania · Post by **ania** » Tue Jan 10, 2006 8:04 am

don't feel guilty. don't feel answerable to your friends or family or
the next door neighbour or the milkman. don't feel pressured to go
back to J's house, because the others are waiting for you, because they
don't get along amongst themselves. it's 3 in the morning and this is
where you want to be. in this hotel room. with C. stay with him. you
love him. you have loved him for a thousand years. stay put and don't
pick up the phone, don't call for a taxi. keep talking with him. keep
laughing. keep inhaling the air he breathes out. keep soaking up his
face into your memory. forget your country. forget where you are. you
know he wont touch you. because L and T exist. and you know he wants to
touch you. as much or almost as much as you want to feel every cell of
your body and every bit of your skin to be touching every bit of his.
how many times have you seem him in your life? what are the chances you
will seem him again soon? or ever again. don't think. don't
analyse. don't moralise or make excuses. walk up to him and sit with
him on the tiny couch. let your thigh touch his and don't move away.
and if he moves away move closer again. you have waited for this one
single moment all your life. what seems like all your life. no, all
your life. it's just that before you met him you didn't know it was
with him that this moment would be the moment you've been waiting for
all your life. remember he loves you. don't be scared or embarrassed.
kiss him. and let the rest of the world go on and live their own lives.
and make them face you living yours. next to him, smelling his skin and
touching his face. scared and happy. at last.

lizzytysh · Post by **lizzytysh** » Tue Jan 10, 2006 4:32 pm

Hi Ania ~

Down-in-the-trenches, compellingly crucial, and sage advice. How often do we not just follow our heart? Perhaps, when we don't have a caring friend, like Myra does, to push all the rationales and doubts aside; help us quit deceiving ourselves; and give us not just the encouragement, but the push, to simply and authentically live our truth. I enjoyed this immensely!!! I hope she stayed.

An interesting twist on "Happy at Last"

.

~ Lizzy

Martine · Post by **Martine** » Tue Jan 10, 2006 10:43 pm

deleted

lizzytysh · Post by **lizzytysh** » Tue Jan 10, 2006 10:57 pm

Martine, girl

> > > Inhaling his breath is what naturally occurs when you're lying close and face to face. Simply a way of telling her to not get up or move away.

Ahhh ~ the long-entrenched defenses and barriers we build between ourselves and others. Pretending disinterest when in reality it's overwhelmingly there... yet pride, ego, fear of being hurt, and all the rest get obtrusively in the way. Move beyond the denial and the fear. Perhaps, he needs to know that she really does care. Perhaps, he fears being hurt... Perhaps, outsiders have already played far too great a part in their lives... and they need to garner the courage, and reassure each other that they'll still 'be there' if they take these steps, again. Soooo many possibilities, Martine

. Endless.

As Voo wrote, Leonard's photo looked like a man who had been loved back into smiling, despite himself. Loss of trust creates unbelievable barricades, mountain-high ones, and require extraordinary measures to overcome.

You know the dance... two steps forward, one step back; one step forward, three steps back; three steps forward, one step back; step, step, step, step ~ on each other's feet, touching each other's thigh; moving away, moving closer; good heavens, people, just relax and trust, and be happy. At last.

Now, what I and Teratogen have to do with Myra is the real question. Neither he nor I have ever intentionally interfered with their relationship. The other pressing question is ~ Is C Cohen?

~ Lizzy

Vince · Post by **Vince** » Wed Jan 11, 2006 1:36 am

Hmm I'm inclined to agree wtih Martine.
Although...

Risk, permeates all thoughts, words and actions.
We may come to the wrong conclusions with our thoughts.
Speak words that we cannot take back and
act in a way that is met with disapproval
or rejection.

From the moment we're

ania · Post by **ania** » Wed Jan 11, 2006 1:42 am

lizzytysh wrote:Hi Ania ~

Down-in-the-trenches, compellingly crucial, and sage advice. How often do we not just follow our heart? Perhaps, when we don't have a caring friend, like Myra does, to push all the rationales and doubts aside; help us quit deceiving ourselves; and give us not just the encouragement, but the push, to simply and authentically live our truth. I enjoyed this immensely!!! I hope she stayed.

she didnt.

lizzytysh wrote: An interesting twist on "Happy at Last" .

~ Lizzy

yes

thank you for reading and talking

ania · Post by **ania** » Wed Jan 11, 2006 1:43 am

Martine wrote:Well, it sounds like something's going on that's not above board. Who's L and T for example and why won't he touch her because of them? Are they his children? Why does she have to keep pushing herself up against him? Men are usually the one doing that sort of thing. Sounds a bit strange to me.

keep inhaling the air he breathes out.
Obsession. Not healthy. At all.
A bit sick in fact.

Why does she have to 'remember' that he loves her, why isn't he telling her?

Sounds to me like someone is playing away from home.
You shouldn't be encouraging this.
Besides, it won't last.

so easy to make quick judgements isnt it.

ania · Post by **ania** » Wed Jan 11, 2006 1:45 am

lizzytysh wrote:Martine, girl > > > Inhaling his breath is what naturally occurs when you're lying close and face to face. Simply a way of telling her to not get up or move away.

Ahhh ~ the long-entrenched defenses and barriers we build between ourselves and others. Pretending disinterest when in reality it's overwhelmingly there... yet pride, ego, fear of being hurt, and all the rest get obtrusively in the way. Move beyond the denial and the fear. Perhaps, he needs to know that she really does care. Perhaps, he fears being hurt... Perhaps, outsiders have already played far too great a part in their lives... and they need to garner the courage, and reassure each other that they'll still 'be there' if they take these steps, again. Soooo many possibilities, Martine . Endless.

[...]

You know the dance... two steps forward, one step back; one step forward, three steps back; three steps forward, one step back; step, step, step, step ~ on each other's feet, touching each other's thigh; moving away, moving closer; good heavens, people, just relax and trust, and be happy. At last.

[...]

~ Lizzy

yes yes yes yes yes

lizzytysh · Post by **lizzytysh** » Wed Jan 11, 2006 1:50 am

Oh, dear... well, forever may be the answer then... this sounds like a lost moment... hopefully, the years won't bring them regret... any more than their spending that time would have.

[... I hadn't seen your most recent response when I wrote this post, Ania.]

~ Lizzy

ania · Post by **ania** » Wed Jan 11, 2006 1:53 am

lizzy

they wasted many chances. but it was mainly her fault.

lizzytysh · Post by **lizzytysh** » Wed Jan 11, 2006 2:01 am

Life can only be so kind... and time has a way of eventually going on... please find me, I'm almost 30.

I understand, Ania

.

~ Lizzy

ania · Post by **ania** » Wed Jan 11, 2006 2:06 am

lizzytysh wrote:please find me, I'm almost 30.

~ Lizzy

yes, exactly.

he did find her. and she did push him away. and now its over.

circumstances were never 'right'. always something in the way. or maybe they were just making excuses. because they were scared.

lizzytysh · Post by **lizzytysh** » Wed Jan 11, 2006 2:18 am

Fear... such a sad deterrent.

My wish for Myra with love... for love... it comes so rarely.

" . . . all my life's a circle
sunrise and sundown
moon rolls thru the nighttime
till the daybreak comes around.

all my life's a circle
but I can't tell you why
season's spinning round again
the years keep rollin' by

it seems like I've been here before
I can't remember when
but I have this funny feeling
that we'll all be together again

no straight lines make up my life
and all my roads have bends
there's no clear-cut beginnings
and so far no dead-ends

Chorus:
I found you a thousand times
I guess you done the same
but then we lose each other
it's like a children's game

as I find you here again
a thought runs through my mind
our love is like a circle
let's go 'round one more time"

~ Circle by Harry Chapin

Love,
Lizzy

Vince · Post by **Vince** » Wed Jan 11, 2006 2:25 am

Continued...

<*Ahem*>

...the moment we're born
'till our final waining seconds
all is fraught with risk.

Arguably there is no greater risk
we fragile beings take then when
we open ourselves to love.

Loving another and being loved by them
requires us to engage in the ultimate risk..

that of being rejected.

ania · Post by **ania** » Wed Jan 11, 2006 2:25 am

Bad Liver and a Broken Heart

Well I got a bad liver and a broken heart
yea I drunk me a river since you tore me apart
and I don't have a drinking problem
cept when I can't get a drink
And I wish you'd a known her
we were quite a pair
she was sharp as a razor
and soft as a prayer
so welcome to the continuing saga
she was my better half
and I was just a dog
and so here am I slumped
I been chippied I been chumped
on my stool
so buy this fool, some spirits and libations
it's these railroad station bars
with all these conductors and the porters
and I'm all out of quarters
and this epitaph is the aftermath
yea I choose my path
hey come on Cath, he's a lawyer,
he ain't the one for ya
and no the moon ain't romantic
it's intimidating as hell
and some guy's trying to sell
me a watch
And so I'll meet you at the
bottom of a bottle of
bargain Scotch
I got me a bottle and a dream
it's so maudlin it seems

you can name your poison
go on ahead and make some noise
I ain't sentimental
this ain't a purchase it's a rental
and it's purgatory, hey
what's your story, well
I don't even care
cause I got my own double-cross to bear

and I'll see your Red Label
and I'll raise you one more
and you can pour me a cab,
I just can't drink no more
cause it don't douse the flames
that are started by dames
It ain't like asbestos
it don't do nothing but
rest us assured
and substantiate the rumors
that you've heard.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Blue Valentines

She sends me blue valentines
All the way from Philadelphia
To mark the anniversary
Of someone that I used to be
And it feels just like theres
A warrant out for my arrest
Got me checkin in my rearview mirror
And I'm always on the run
Thats why I changed my name
And I didn't think you'd ever find me here

To send me blue valentines
Like half forgotten dreams
Like a pebble in my shoe
As I walk these streets
And the ghost of your memory
Is the thistle in the kiss
And the burgler that can break a roses neck
It's the tatooed broken promise
That I hide beneath my sleeve
And I see you every time I turn my back

She sends me blue valentines
Though I try to remain at large
They're insisting that our love
Must have a eulogy
Why do I save all of this madness
In the nightstand drawer
There to haunt upon my shoulders
Baby I know
I'd be luckier to walk around everywhere I go
With a blind and broken heart
That sleeps beneath my lapel

She sends me my blue valentines
To remind me of my cardinal sin
I can never wash the guilt
Or get these bloodstains off my hands
And it takes a lot of whiskey
To take this nightmares go away
And I cut my bleedin heart out every nite
And I die a little more on each St. Valentines day
Remember that I promised I would
Write you...
These blue valentines
blue valentines
blue valentines