in the mirror

[jim]

hi everyone,

who would have thought my visit to bombay would have inspired so much short story writing. i have slightly reworked the poem from which the subject of the competition was taken. i actually wrote a response to some of the critic's comments, but it got deleted and the mood was lost. here is the new improved version:


In the Mirror

Leonard Cohen stayed in the room
next to mine in this Mumbai hotel
maybe I’ll find myself here
maybe his cigarette ash
blew onto my balcony
Leonard in his late sixties
me in my early thirties
a small span of time
in the mirror of history
a small span of time
to the neighbouring houses
I see him now
as when I found his book
in a second hand shop in Victoria
a boyish face peering out
from the early sixties
when poetry was like Bombay
full of crumbling buildings and crows
as I rode the Cook Street bus
back to my grandmother’s house

[lizzytysh]

I like both versions, Jim. I'm guessing you're happier with the second one, since you call it "new improved"?

~ Lizzy

[Cohen Kid]

I like it. just as with leonards' lyrics there is a lot of visual images in there (i believe you call that) when you sort of can see it happening in front of you! It's great. sentence 4 and 5 are really cool especially
it's great!

[lizzytysh]

Aha! You've spotted two, key thoughts originally brought into question !

[Fljotsdale]

I like this very much.

[jim]

thankyou