anti-climax

This is for your own works!!!
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elazar
Posts: 376
Joined: Tue Nov 19, 2002 8:34 pm
Location: Lower East Side
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anti-climax

Post by elazar »

dent in my plan, rust on my soul
freedom to ban, from societal role

dunked the trust, lost the verve
ran after lust, the feminine curve

hand to fist, regard the danger
cross off list, stranger and stranger

tactics are poised, the game begun
intentions voiced, gestures redone

tuned in place, words in line
irresistable face, yours and mine

dancing to smiles, running to script
wooed swift guiles, seldom encrypte

like wells unsprung, united as intended
sad songs unsung, alienation untrended

gasping entranced, a deathlike machine
sensation enhanced, expression unseen

aftermath languish, uncoiled and splayed
a jovial anguish, demoted by trade

salut.
e;



p.s. this poem is about a girl i hooked up with, directly after meeting her in our illustation class. some experience.
breathe deep and live
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Byron
Posts: 3171
Joined: Tue Nov 26, 2002 3:01 pm
Location: Mad House, Eating Tablets, Cereals, Jam, Marmalade and HONEY, with Albert

Post by Byron »

Any photos? :wink: of the illustrations, of course!!

I enjoy bumpaty, bump, beats, and to speak out loud with this one elazar.

Like;

Train on a track
Not lookin' back
Head in the wind
jump the next bend.


It lets us be carried along by your poem and the beat takes over without us noticing.




Was she very interesting? :shock: Albert wants to know.
"Bipolar is a roller-coaster ride without a seat belt. One day you're flying with the fireworks; for the next month you're being scraped off the trolley" I said that.
LaurieAK
Posts: 1338
Joined: Wed Nov 20, 2002 2:00 am

Post by LaurieAK »

e~

Very nice poem. The title is quite funny and fitting.

Like Byron says, the rhythm is inherent but not contrived. Your rhymes are inventive elminating the monotony that kills most rhymin' poems.

Way to go 8)
Drive safely.

Laurie
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