Josh's resignation

[tom.d.stiller]

Thank you all for your discussion of my lines.

As Linda wrote, poems might "adjust themselves to your own circumstances". And
Laurie explained:

The reader always brings their life knowledge with them, which is always different than the writer's life experiences.

These lines seem to be a very good example for it. Indeed they proved to have worked like a Rorschach inkblot test for at least one reader...

The biblical reference, however, is so central that I really should find a way to ensure that readers "get it". Without it, the poem is, like Laurie found, one "with no redemption".

The "Jericho" aspect indicates that the walls "will come tumbling down". Still there are many possible interpretations open. One might simply find a "jazzy" version of the story from the Bible. One might think of a blues musician who overcomes his own autistic tendencies (the wall around himself) through music. Or of a therapist who tried all his techniques without success on a person, and finally resigns to music therapy. Or "whatever your own circumstances" will make you see...

Thanks again for the discussion. And here's the current version:

Josh resigns before Jericho

i tried to tear down the wall:
i couldn't poke a tiny hole.
i'll take the trumpet from my shoulder now
and play the blues real loud and slow.

Cheers
tom

Edit: Corrected the typo.

[lizzytysh]

Don't like the title. Too much like a prose explanation of the poem that follows. I know you didn't want to be too obvious, but I don't think you've gotten there, yet. "Resigns" is also a verb form, here being used as a noun? Or, is it supposed to be slang for Resignation? Oh, dear, but I'm confused. I really like some of the alternative interps [as in 'resigns' ?] you've given it, though.

[Critic2]

Tom, I have a recollection that I comented on your use of the word "hole" before. Is that right or am I imagining it? Either way, it's an unattractive word, it's not a smooth word and it spoils the rhythm, the feel, the class of the poem. not much of a fan of poke either. I think you could easily rework this and find a much better second line. (btw promise this is not a hint that you choose "gap" and then end with playing the blues "real loud and crap"!)

I didn't feel the lower case i worked. I see no reason for it and it's distracting on the page.

I am afraid I did not much enjoy this one, unlike the great majority of your writing.

regards

michael

[tom.d.stiller]

Don't like the title. Too much like a prose explanation of the poem that follows. I know you didn't want to be too obvious, but I don't think you've gotten there, yet. "Resigns" is also a verb form, here being used as a noun? Or, is it supposed to be slang for Resignation? Oh, dear, but I'm confused. I really like some of the alternative interps [as in 'resigns' ?] you've given it, though.

Sorry, lizzy, I was in hurry, because I had to catch a train. And then I incompletely edited the title. I corrected the typo, now. But I'm not happy with this title either. It's too obvious now, and too "explaining"...

Cheers
tom

[tom.d.stiller]

Tom, I have a recollection that I comented on your use of the word "hole" before. Is that right or am I imagining it? Either way, it's an unattractive word, it's not a smooth word and it spoils the rhythm, the feel, the class of the poem. not much of a fan of poke either. I think you could easily rework this and find a much better second line. (btw promise this is not a hint that you choose "gap" and then end with playing the blues "real loud and crap"!)

I didn't feel the lower case i worked. I see no reason for it and it's distracting on the page.

I am afraid I did not much enjoy this one, unlike the great majority of your writing.

regards

michael

Michael, you did comment on the word "hole" when I used it in another piece some weeks ago. You have been right, there, and maybe you're right here as well. I'm not sure yet, though.

There are sonic reasons which make me feel I should keep it: the incomplete rhymes, hints at possible rhymes, "blue notes" to the proper minor or major third. The sequence poke, hole, shoulder, slow, crossed by down, now, loud. And it's slight resemblance to "whole". - I'll have to think about it.

As for the lower case "i" - I write my poems all lower case for quite some time now, and only very rarely use upper case words. Call it a foible, but unlike for example Bukowski I don't see a reason to make an exception for the 1st person singular. (It's the upper case "J" in "Josh" that bothers me. Think I'll drop it...)

Cheers
tom

PS: If ever I write a poem that makes use of both "hole" and the rhyme "gap - crap" I'll try to remember I really should dedicate it to c2
C U
tom

[Andrew McGeever]

Some random thoughts on "hole":

Leonard Cohen used the word in his song "The Future"...."stick it up the hole in your culture". An appropriate use of the word in a powerful song.

Bob Dylan used the word in his magnificent "Desolation Row"......"now his nurse, some local loser, she's in charge of the cyanide hole".

The phrase "hole in the wall" has entered common parlance, in the U.K. at least, to mean an ATM machine where you can use a plastic card to withdraw money.

I haven't used "hole" in any poem I've written to date, but I like the word: it's a good, strong, monosyllabic noun (or verb) which can be employed as the masculine half of an iambic foot.

Everyone has holes in their body; some more so than others, but I guess the worst is a hole in the heart.

The Chambers dictionary definition of "hole" is rich in multiple meanings.

Anyone who objects to the usage of "hole" in any context is either plain daft, or needs to address some serious and personal psycho-sexual issues.

One of my favourite songs from my childhood was "There's a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza". I still know every verse!

"A hole in one" is usually the cause for applause, in golfing circles at least.

Andrew.
P.S. I also have some random thoughts regarding "poke".