my sonnet from 'the list'

LaurieAK · Post by **LaurieAK** » Sun Mar 13, 2005 6:38 am

Birthday Drama
or Just Leave Me Alone

This month I snag another year, yes; June.
I beg amnesia! High numbers bring stress.
Gravity pulls at my bits (blame the moon!).
Simple digits torture, plague and obsess.

Rivers of time stop their slow, lazy snake.
Questions of youth sag trivial and moot.
I blow all the flames; wish and stab the cake.
As birthday cakes go, this one is a beaut.

Silence cloaks me, let me hide like Garbo.
Tears in a crowd, is a part I can't play.
I drift the present scene like a hobo.
Acting the role on my happy, birthday.

My diamond wishes bring but a rhinestone.
Sweet perfume? No, understudy cologne.

(BTW my birthday is in November.)

linda_lakeside · Post by **linda_lakeside** » Sun Mar 13, 2005 7:23 am

November? Oh! Thank Gawd! I thought I was going to start a hobby as a Hallmark Birthday Card writer. You know I know nothing about the structure and discipline or non-discipline, rules, etc. about poetry. But you know what? I really, really, liked your poem.

. Honest, I can't tell you why, I just know I liked it. I like much good stuff, you know? It's instinctual.

Later,
Linda.

LaurieAK · Post by **LaurieAK** » Sun Mar 13, 2005 8:15 am

Thanks Linda~ appreciate your comments and instinct.

ciao for now,
L

p.s. where do i send the check?

Gideon · Post by **Gideon** » Sun Mar 20, 2005 11:48 pm

Yes, I agree with Linda, despite what you said about my submissions.
Good effort. If I have time I might try.

LaurieAK · Post by **LaurieAK** » Sun Mar 20, 2005 11:55 pm

Thanks Gideon~

I do hope you give it a try.

And thank you for not stooping to mis-placed revenge because of my comments on your poem.
I stick by its cleverness....and you know the rest....

regards,
Laurie

Sandra · Post by **Sandra** » Mon Mar 21, 2005 3:00 am

Very feminine poem Laurie....! I like it.

lizzytysh · Post by **lizzytysh** » Mon Mar 21, 2005 4:44 pm

I love this poem, Laurie....and, of course, can relate. You broach the subject of aging with humour, realism, and a unique slant that I appreciate very much. I also like your puns and how at least one rhyming word seems to stand for another.

~ Lizzy

Gideon ~ I hadn't yet read your entry here, when I read your entry on your own, poem thread, and responded there. I second what Laurie has said regarding your objectivity and fairness, despite her disagreements on your own poem.

By the way, never be surprized by anything that posting a poem here might generate. We have strong-minded folks aboard, who aren't going to stuff any feelings that might arise. It's great here that way.

Gideon · Post by **Gideon** » Mon Mar 21, 2005 8:50 pm

Thanks Lizzy and Laurie; I do get over-sensitive. It's what comes of being an English, paranoid, manic-depressive! (Half joking)
All the best, G.

LaurieAK · Post by **LaurieAK** » Tue Mar 22, 2005 2:39 am

Thanks Sandra & Lizzy~

Lizz, i'm glad you picked up on the puns. For me that is what really makes it work.
Of course if it wasn't for that list i came across (bouts-rimes) it wouldn't exist at all.

L