Poem #6

Critic2 · Post by **Critic2** » Sat Jan 29, 2005 7:10 pm

I had a quid on you at 50/1!!!! GO ON YOU MATLOCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Paula · Post by **Paula** » Sat Jan 29, 2005 9:59 pm

Pete it reminded me of a mantra that you say on a train

Achilles · Post by **Achilles** » Sat Jan 29, 2005 11:52 pm

Congratulatons Pete. I read your explanation and it begins to make sense--I think. However, should a poem need that much explication in order to be understood--providing your explication wasn't tongue in cheek. If you hadn't explained it, I would still be thinking the relationship of icycles and bicyles and tricyles didn't make any sense or even good nonsense. I know there are many poems where the reader needs to know something of history (Andrew's poem on Anne Frank) or philosophy or religion or other cultures in order to fully appreciate it. But I don't think anyone who read this poem gave it the meaning you meant it to have-- until you gave an explanation. I only mention this because Joe used clarity as one of his criteria.

But then again, it's probably just me.

linda_lakeside · Post by **linda_lakeside** » Sun Jan 30, 2005 6:48 am

Achilles,

I really like the way you're going through the poems and remarking/trying to understand the poem in the way in which the writer meant it to be understood. Good goin'.

tom.d.stiller · Post by **tom.d.stiller** » Sun Jan 30, 2005 9:06 am

Achilles, Pete was definitely in a tongue-in-cheek mode. A poem like this doesn't signify - it is. And as it is it is beautiful. Just quit trying to find the deeper philosophical, political, or whateverical meaning in the poem.

For once the message is the message. And Tom sees that this is good (what a preposterous Tom

)

Cheers

Tom

Pete · Post by **Pete** » Mon Jan 31, 2005 2:01 am

Isn't life strange?

I spent hours composing poem #16 (Eternal Winter). It was revised quite a few times before I felt it was ready for submission.

The minute after I submitted it a little rhyme popped in my head and a few minutes later I had 'designed' Icicles. I wasn't going to submit it but I thought, 'why not?..nothing ventured, nothing gained.'

and lo and behold... my efforts for each poem were in inverse proportion to their eventual standings.
Maybe spontaneity is a good thing.

Sorry Achilles, Tom is right about my tongue in cheek explanation... but maybe that is what I was subconsciously thinking when I first started writing Icicles

Yours cyclically
Pete

linda_lakeside · Post by **linda_lakeside** » Mon Jan 31, 2005 2:21 am

Hi Pete,

Life is indeed, strange. Congrats. on your poems. I'm now poem punchy. Time for a nap. I think it's great that a lot of people are learning, reading, interacting and simply enjoying and absorbing all the poetry. Whether or not they get the same interpretation that you meant is not really the point (from my perspective). As some sage around here has as their sig. "it's in the writing". Good job.

Cheers,
Linda.

Paula · Post by **Paula** » Mon Jan 31, 2005 2:59 am

I thought 16 was yours. Lovely poem really enjoyed it. I think it was the best of the bunch.

Pete · Post by **Pete** » Thu Feb 03, 2005 12:52 am

Pete wrote:sic -lical, sy-clical
sy-clic and sic-lical

then I think it works!!!

it all hinges on the pronounciation .....possibly

Pete

I'm still pondering this. If the last verse is pronounced as I intended then I think it holds up. The interesting aspect is that cyclical does actually have 2 pronounciations (likewise cyclic) but it is not possible to ask that the reader alternates the pronounciations on the first line of that verse and then to reverse that alternation on the second line.
If the pronounciation remains constant then it does fall flat.
Quite a dilemma for the writer

Pete

witty_owl · Post by **witty_owl** » Mon Feb 07, 2005 12:45 pm

So here are my thoughts on "Icicles". Better late than never?

I write this before catching up with the discussions prior.
I find this one to be an interesting play on words with such insistently repetitious rhyme. This is a novel invention but if I had been in Joe's position I doubt that I would have elevated it above the other poems (but then I am not keen on the competitive aspect anyway). This poem obviously has a strong aural component and would have a different effect read aloud. As clever as this is I must wonder how much it addresses Joe's criteria 'to show rather than tell'. I get a clever and humourous play on language but not strong visual images. I like this very much but there are other poems that seem to be 'showing' more about winter. It almost belongs to a different genre of verse writing even though there is a clear reference to "winter". I wonder if we could have another event (competition if you must) that has play on language and or rhyme as the theme?
As an example I post this rhyme I wrote in 1995 which is not as successful as "icicles" but follows the same path I think but with a nasty sense of humour.

Bitch Witch.

Bitch witch, bitch witch,
Which bitch? this eldritch fitch.
In a kitsch niche, hunts a rich hitch
with a switch stitch to itch her twitch.

Ouch! debouch, I surely vouch,
Do not slouch upon her couch.
In a loathe approach to poach a brooch,
From a slow coach cockroach.

A hotch potch crotch botch,
To a hopscotch, game watch.
So heed a hunch! don't munch a lunch,
Just blench the stench of this honeybunch.

Detach, retract! a bad catch mismatch,
Watch your patch and latch that hatch.
If you beseech to taste her peach,
A screech you'll reach from this blood-sucking leech.

J.W. 1995.

Perhaps we could set up another event;- "Perverted Nursery Rhymes"

Cheers, Witty.

linda_lakeside · Post by **linda_lakeside** » Mon Feb 07, 2005 5:16 pm

If you have more poems like this one, I think the book idea has some merit! Love it.

Linda.

LaurieAK · Post by **LaurieAK** » Mon Feb 07, 2005 6:25 pm

Witty-

Hahaha. Ouch. Lovely valentine for someone you loathe

In the silly rhyme category and wintery by pure chance...here are my Feets one and two.

Cold Feet I

Under down
You'd think my feet
Like the fowl been sacrificed
would get warmed by feathers
In Alaskan chilly winter's
Nights up north
Down.
Under.
Two Feet.
Cold.

Cold Feet II

Come meet
Under sheet
Cold feet
I repeat,
Frozen feet
Nada heat
Warmth delete
Below seat
Two neat
Chilly feet
Strolled street
Stormy, sleet
Now greet
2 beat
Fffreeezing Fffeet.

witty_owl · Post by **witty_owl** » Mon Feb 07, 2005 6:47 pm

Laurie,

Nasty Valentines;- now there's a novel idea

We could start a new thread. See how many nasty but humourous valentine's greetings could be posted before Feb14.

E.G. Roses are red and so is blood
..... Violets are blue but your love's a dud.

Ah well- it only took 30 secs.

Yes, Cold feet II is the idea. Pete may have started something here. I think this could be the next poetry comp. Using icicles as an example for humourous verse.

Cheers, Witty.

LaurieAK · Post by **LaurieAK** » Mon Feb 07, 2005 7:17 pm

hey Witty-

i just noticed the last two lines of Feet II were originally cutoff...i put them there now...

anyways, it would be funny to have a contest which 'forces' silliness

a nasty Valentine genre would be a "hoot" (haha) too!

hmmmm....roses are dead, in winter bed
violets die, why did you LIE!!!!! ????

back to the drawing board....and work....ciao, L