Poem #9

[Joe Way]

Black and White Sunset

I wish that the day glistened
With newly fallen snow, clean and crisp
Like the fair-haired boy I once was
Or my son, his small and innocent footprints
Off the sidewalk as he walked.
But it is late in the winter.
The snow has melted and frozen again
And all that's left is ice.
With this black and white sunset
I can barely see anything.
I never knew there would be
So many shades of gray,
From my hair
To my spirit.
It’s so cold I can’t even sit on the porch
And watch the rest of my time fade
Below the skyline.

[Critic2]

this is poignant and nostalgic, well done!!

[Anne-Marie]

Excellent!

[Achilles]

I believe this is my favorite. Black and white sunset and not being able to even sit on the porch and watch the rest of my time fade. The whole poem is a complete portrait and no line is superfulous.

[John K.]

post deleted

[witty_owl]

John, with the poems printed off; I studied them away from the forum to compose my comments with out influence as far as is possible. Now I know this is your poem my impartiality is compromised. Still I shall try not to be "another brick in the wall".

I see a bleak, darkly overcast day with many shades of grey in the sky. From a pale creamish grey to almost black, highlighting the icy hostile cold. The bleak greys of the day are reflected in your spirit which seems to yearn for a brighter, coloured sun to bring back some warmth to this doleful existence. A day, where the simple joy of observing sunset at the day's end is so coldly denied. I have consciously avoided the 'teacher' role by commenting more on my impressions conveyed by the writers rather than 'marking' the literary skill. The intent of the writers is of greater importance to me than their literary skill. That is, what are they feeling?

Cheers, and better days be yours. Witty.