Poem #6

[Joe Way]

Icicles


icicles, icicles
bicycles, bicycles
icicles, icicles
cycle on ice

bicycles, bicycles
tricycles, tricycles
bicycles, bicycles
cycle by twice

tricycles, tricycles
icicles, icicles
tricycles, tricycles
cycle by thrice

cyclical, cyclical
cyclic and cyclical
icicle, icicle
ice by ice

[Joe Way]

I kept passing over this poem.

The sonics and progression finally hooked me.

The line that bothered me and still does is L14 ("cyclic and cyclical"). It seems to interrupt the sonics and while on the surface it appears to add some depth to the poem, I find this summing up to interrupt the flow before the fine ending:

icicle, icicle
ice by ice

There is a certain Mother Goose/Dr. Suess quality that I found particularly appealing that ended up raising this above several poems that had more serious and detailed content.

Well done, but I still urge you to find another line to tie it together better.

Joe

[Achilles]

I tried to appreciate this one. But I find it difficult. The sonics don't overcome the lack of content for me. Bikes and trikes on ice. I don't understand what the relationship between the icicles and the bikes are about other than that they rhymed.

I really tried.

[LaurieAK]

This is really a fun piece!

I thought of Ogden Nash when i first read it.

I do wish it had more of a connective theme to tie in the rhythms/chants that work so well on sound value.

L

[tom.d.stiller]

A fun piece, and I happen to like it.

Nice sonics and progression, indeed.

I agree with Joe on the "cyclic and cyclical" line as well.

Therefore, Poet #6, may I suggest for the final lines this change?

cyclical, cyclical
tricycle, bicycle
icicle, icicle
ice by ice

I think this would cycle back nicely without leaving the small circle of cicles/cycles, adding the re-gression to the pro-gression.

Tom

[lizzytysh]

Knowing how C2 ices poetic, so often, this sure seems to have a C2 iceprint to me.

[Pete]

sic -lical, sy-clical
sy-clic and sic-lical

then I think it works!!!

it all hinges on the pronounciation .....possibly

Pete

[Critic2]

I promise you it isn't mine and I found it a novelty piece that was just ok but not really asking for more than one read. that's not a bad test.

anyway, all those bicycles left me tyred.

[Paula]

I wasn't blown away by this one it reminded me of the clickety clack of a train.

[Critic2]

and not just tyred but without the wheel to read on, it also seemed familiar as if it rang a bell, althought at other times it was braking my heart.

[linda_lakeside]

[Pete]

I really, really like this poem.
The profanity and the absurdity are paramount to the sequential tendency which provides the template for the conflict of extreme, observational parameters.
The author has obviously built up an imagery that questions one's own interpretation and, if I may say, virtual translation of a rhyme that, on the surface, provides the necessary security of acceptance but, beneath that veneer, dictates a passage that demands attention and integrity.
The escalation from a unitary stance towards a trinity that provides belief is confronted by the references to ice and icicles which strive to take away the security that all of us seek.
Yes, I really like this poem.
Pete

[Teratogen]

[Critic2]

I really, really like this poem.
The profanity and the absurdity are paramount to the sequential tendency which provides the template for the conflict of extreme, observational parameters.
The author has obviously built up an imagery that questions one's own interpretation and, if I may say, virtual translation of a rhyme that, on the surface, provides the necessary security of acceptance but, beneath that veneer, dictates a passage that demands attention and integrity.
The escalation from a unitary stance towards a trinity that provides belief is confronted by the references to ice and icicles which strive to take away the security that all of us seek.
Yes, I really like this poem.
Pete

but did you like the poem, Pete? why won't you tell us?

[Paula]

Pete is this your poem