Daddy's Little Princess.

[Violet]

.. Leonard, my love, how are you? I’ve been missing you, and unable to write again ‘til now.

.. [speaking of].. I finally have this damn dongle thing “activated.” There were “issues” [of course].. but it seems I’m finally connected. Although I may have to upgrade or something to do better on youtube. So far, I’m mostly getting that “circle of rotating dots” thing, which I also get at home, but usually I have the video occasionally interrupted by the dots. Here it’s the other way around.

(sigh)

Also, this connection seems incredibly slow. So slow.. I’m barely even to sign in here.. so

once again, if I’m scarce, there are reasons. [I may, in fact, not be able to post from here].. [at times, at least]

[well, I guess I am on the other side of the world, after all].. [with nothing but a dongle..

[I was going to say "to hold on to".. but

(another sigh)

.. in any case.. [as to this End of the World business].. K. will go to that ashram sometime later in the week, and see if she can get more information. What she later clarified for me is that this guru person doesn’t know at all what might happen on that date.. [December 22nd, that is].. [oh, I just wiki’d it, and it seems the date for the end of the Mayan calendar is December 21, 2012] [which, of course, a lot of people are concerned about].. [oh, and your last tour date in Brooklyn is December 20th.. so

.. (hmm)

.. you know, my angel.. I may just get there. [and see you in New York, I mean]

[actually, I suddenly feel to tell you that I WILL see you in New York if it’s the very last thing I do!]

.. so.. yeah.

(nothing like a little drama for the end of your present tour).. (my angel)

(just to help keep things fresh)

oh. So, K. said that this guru feels there could be major storms on that date.. [the 22nd, that is].. but he doesn’t know what part of the planet will be affected. Where I am in Goa is close to sea level, so that’s probably not the best spot to be should there be a major storm here.

.. actually, my crazy cuz.. [the one who’s living in the loft where I used to live in Brooklyn].. but he had to evacuate twice in one year—and that last hurricane saw flooding that came up the two steps to the door of the place, with the water just starting to seep inside.. so it seems to be getting worse, each time.

.. [what else]..

.. well, I am finally getting used to this place. It really is a lovely house, I do have to say. And—well, there hasn’t been a repeat of “the night of a hundred howling dogs,” but

well, actually, I wondered what would happen if—upon hearing these varmints in the middle of the night.. [since you always hear them starting up at various points].. but, I wondered what would happen if I were to yell out the window for them to:

SHUT THE *UCK UP!!

.. [somehow, I think it would be the scandal of the neighborhood, especially for a Western person to do that. And yet.. the residents here seem to have absolutely no qualms about

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9CVtWfYOdbg
FULL SCREEN..

.. oh. Yesterday, K. took me to a very nice beach about a forty minute ride from here, where that nice French restaurant I once mentioned is—where I would maybe get a singing gig.. “if”..(sort of thing)

unfortunately, the place is still being set up, and so we couldn’t dine there.

.. actually, I probably haven’t mentioned this yet, but the restaurants on the beach here.. [sometimes called “beach shacks”].. are set up each year just after Monsoon. Then they’re taken down about five months or so later.. [which is when the balmy season is over] Most of these places are quite modest, with bamboo supports, and dried palm leaves or rattan walls. But the food can be just amazing. A few nights ago we went to a place that had this young [very talented] chef from Bengal, whom K. knows quite well. This place was extremely modest, again with bamboo supports, and rattan walls—and a lovely view of the beach.. [and sunset]

.. this chef showed me around his kitchen, which was quite large.. but, still.. he is capable of whipping up just the most delicious of specialties, with just a few burners, in fact. [and no oven] I ordered the Red Snapper “Provencal”.. and truly, it was as good as any top quality restaurant in New York. Or, no: even better than a lot of them. [just delicious] Also: a small party in New York could expect to spend several hundred dollars easily for a dinner like that, when that same small party here would pay just thirty bucks. [altogether, I mean]

(yeah)

So, anyway, I had my first real whiff of the Indian “moneyed” set at the beach K. just took to me to. There were some very lovely young Indian women [my love] in their designer bikinis.. [all of whom I’m sure you would have admired very much].. [only..

well.. they did seem rather “spoiled,” I thought].. [couldn’t help but notice]

.. in any case, the ocean yesterday was just lovely. Cool, but not cold, and the water not too rough. It would be nice to spend another day there under the rattan tents they have constructed, which provide shade for the lounge chairs.. but, it would be nice to just lay there and read, while listening to the waves. Actually, the restaurant that was open served us some fresh coconut, which I’ve also seen in Brooklyn [given all the “island” people that live there].. but it was great to be sipping on a real cold drink like that, straight from the coconut. Then they cut it open for you, so you can eat the coconut meat. [quite a treat it is]

.. so.. well, I guess this is just to say that I have been having a great deal of very pleasant experiences here. Hopefully, I’ll be trying the French restaurant soon.. but from what I saw of it yesterday, it’s just the loveliest place.. with palm trees and white sand right inside the restaurant.. and with the tables just beneath their branches. [it feels rather like an island dream.. with pastel-colored walls.. and a place, too, for, uh, “entertainment”.. [again, as in “moi”.. “if only”.. (sort of thing)

.. so.. yeah. There have been some very lovely experiences here thus far. And still.. (my angel).. yesterday, even amid such a very lovely setting.. I found myself fending off such a sadness. I just keep thinking of you. And missing you. And there are times I just can’t fend off such feelings.

.. so, I just did what I usually do at such times. I “pretend” that all is fine. [with the hope that maybe then all will be fine.. only

(one last sigh)

.. anyway, my love.. I’m very glad to be hooked up finally. I’ll be finding out about plane fare—oh, and tickets for your concert.. [should it look like I will make it]

.. [actually, I've been thinking you should reserve for me a V.I.P.. (that's Violet in Paradise).. (which is what it will be..

(if it's at all possible, my angel)

[I’m afraid, now, to get too excited at the prospect of seeing you, since—well, look what happened the last time I did that. With my luck the End of the World might just come early!

.. (so.. best to keep something of a lid on things)

.. (actually, if you recall, I did mention how it's your tour that's staving off the End of the World).. (although at the time I thought I was joking).. (in any case, my angel.. maybe it's time you announce the continuation of your present tour).. (just to be on the safe side).. (seems like)

(for good measure, that is)

.. (I adore you, my love.. and send again my

oh. I AGAIN dreamt of you. Well.. not exactly you. In the dream I was leafing through your Book of Longing. Only the entire thing consisted of drawings—cartoons, really. And as I looked through them I realized I knew all the people you were parodying in your cartoon drawings. [??]

(now I’m wishing I took that book with me)

.. alright, my love.. another of my tender kisses.. x.. (and endless)

(send me another dream..

oh, and have a wonderful time in Detroit tonight).. (that theatre looks just tops.. xx.. x..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HmVSoJ1F0eQ
FULL SCREEN..

.. xx x.. x x.. x ..

[Violet]

Okay, this dongle is crap. [really is]

I wrote this earlier today, but wasn’t able to get to this site for some reason. And now tonight.. I’m barely able to get a strong enough connection to stay on line..
but, in any case..

[here’s what I wrote earlier].. [if I manage to post this, that is]

.. my love, how are you?

I just came back from Panjim, where I was able to change my return date to December 12th.

I’m glad to have a bit more time here.. [as it is, K. will be rather disappointed, I know].. but it seems like the right thing to do at this point, for any number of reasons.
[now I have to try and foreclose on all the bureaucratic nonsense I went through concerning my cat on the way in]

.. actually, I’m feeling ready to get back to work, which will be a lot easier to get going back home, as here I’d need to make some serious provisions for working on line, given all the power outages, and given this dongle thing is just not cutting it. [not by a long shot]

.. as for your show.. I just peeked in over there, and I’m not too optimistic about the seats that are now available.. or at least at a price I can afford. I’ll take any seat that’s available, of course.. but it would be nice to be closer to you.. (my love)

anyway, I’ll see what I can find. [if I can get back on line, that is].. [I’m now writing this on my desktop]

.. in any event, I’m—actually, I need to “tone down” any potential excitement. [again: let’s not forget what happened last time]

[oh, but I’m just so excited at the prospect of finally seeing your show, my angel!] [I just have to say that]

.. I’m also looking forward to an old-fashioned Christmas, and now I can have my brother with me, as well.. and maybe there’ll even be some snow. [only, I PRAY nothing too major].. [just a few snow flakes].. [itty bitty ones]

oh. I just heard through K. [given friends of hers from the UK just showed up here].. but I heard about the two large storms that hit Cornwall, one after the other. Such news is just so unsettling, at this point. [my thoughts and prayers are with any of you who may be dealing with that just now]

.. anyway, my angel.. I just wanted to tell you that I’m feeling much better. I’m just so relieved to be

actually.. didn’t I learn this lesson once before??

that’s right.. I think I did..

.. let me see, now..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BZSb0JCWcXk
FULL SCREEN..

[yeah, I thought I’d gone through all this before].. [just had that feeling..

.. but, yes, my love.. I’ve had a rough couple of days, emotionally speaking.. and so, I’m really just so much better now. Not that I’m not still worried about things, planetarily speaking. I suppose we all should be. But I’m just needing to be where things feel familiar again.

So, I see you’re doing your hometown tonight. How lovely a thing. I wish I could be there, and see Montreal for the first time, too. [Montreal is fairly close to home, after all]

.. alright, my love.. I send again my tender kiss.. x.. (it’s terribly hopeful this time).. (xx.. x..

(I miss you)

.. xx x.. xx..

[Violet]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SIGdnons ... e=youtu.be
FULL SCREEN..

.. you know, my angel.. I need to lighten up, myself. What do you recommend?

.. a chocolate ice cream cone?.. a front row seat to one of your concerts in New York??.. (a thousand tender kisses???)

(sigh)

.. oh, I had another dream of you last night. [there was another serious round of dog howls last night, as well.. although the two occurrences are unrelated] [as best I can tell] In any case, it was nighttime. [in the dream, I mean] We were in a dark bedroom in a house, maybe.. or maybe it was a hotel. You were entering from one door, and I was in the room on the other side of a rather large bed. You had your hat on, and a coat, I think. And I believe I was wearing just a nightgown. I knew you couldn't see me, and I ran from the room, as there was another door on my side of the bed.

Immediately, I awoke and thought: this is all wrong! It was rather the way I felt about that other dream I had, when we were at that outdoor party.. and you were signaling for to me to come and talk to you, and instead I ran away. With this dream, I later felt I should have gone toward you. I felt certain we'd have embraced—rather frantically, even.. and so, I wanted another crack at it. So, once again, I feel cheated. [and by my very own psyche, too]



[by the way, that mean sounding dog outside just started in again] .. [right on cue].. [although he doesn't scare me too much anymore]

Anyway, I didn’t lose my nerve on this one, my angel. I just purchased a ticket for Madison Square Garden. (!) I spent way too much, but just couldn’t see the sense of winding up with a seat where I couldn’t even see you. However, the seat could be better.. so, if you’d like to V.I.P. me.. (if that were at all within your mystical magical powers, I mean).. I’d not reject the offer. (if it were at all possible, my angel) If not, I won’t complain. I should have a good enough view of things, I think.. but

(you know, I’d like to say more as to just how excited I am, my love.. but I really will try and keep a lid on it this time).. (I'm really gonna try)


.. okay.. let me see if I can find something on youtube.. [if I can even get something to play on youtube.. although, even if I can't, I can still post a link, then.

so..

.. [..]..

.. actually, I did some singing last night. Just for myself, I mean. [not at a nightclub, or anything] [as if I had to say that] Oh, actually, I brought with me here the old LP's that had belonged to my parents—the Sarah Vaughan LP's, as I hoped to maybe find an old turntable, etc., out here. But that doesn't seem likely. Still, I love that I have them here, somehow, just to look at them. [and I'm so glad I found them in the "haunted" house before I left, as I wasn’t sure I would]

.. anyway.. here’s one I especially like from an LP of hers called “After Hours”..

(I love you, my angel.. x..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=srQC7B3Wurs
FULL SCREEN..

(and I just love this pic of you from Montreal, I believe it is).. (x x.. x xxx..

[Violet]

.. my love, I wrote something to you on my desktop yesterday, but was unable to post it, due to a poor connection. [that dongle thing again]

.. hopefully I can post it now. I think maybe just the last section, I’ll post. I did want to get to the “garbage” issue, and a few other items, which I attempted to cover yesterday.. but somehow I’m no longer in the mood.

.. actually, I am trying to, as you say, “lighten up”.. only..

well.. I miss you. [and sometimes that just hurts].. [like now]

.. [anyway, here goes]:

.. yesterday I visited a large fort from the 1600’s. [Portuguese, of course.. used in their efforts against the brits and the Dutch] It’s built of this red lava rock you see here. Massive, it was.. and way up high, with a view of Panjim just across the ocean inlet.

I mistakenly walked this narrow stone descending ramp, with an outer wall on one side, and nothing but a great drop [to the inside of the fort] on the other. Somewhere in the middle of this, I remembered my.. uh

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ozzd6eizZOs
FULL SCREEN..

[okay, I’m assuming that’s a pretty good trailer] [I haven’t been able to view it yet—again, due to serious “dongle” issues].. [actually, I just thought of my “dongling” from that ramp, in fact] [oh, and my spellcheck just changed that to “dangling”].. [idiots]

.. in any case, what’s funny about Vertigo, is that—well, for me, at least.. I never remember I have it, except those times when it’s.. well.. “too late.”

.. of course, in the West, there’d be guard rails installed, etc. And, I mean, yesterday, I even saw this man trip just at the beginning of the very same ramp, causing him to nearly fall to what might even have been his death. (!)

.. and yet, did that stop me from going down it myself??

[then again, as I implied earlier, I wasn’t thinking of Vertigo at that point].. [I probably still had Wolfen on my mind, in fact].. [I think that's what it was.. so

.. anyway.. (moving right along, here)..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zkOk_r7wTdI
FULL SCREEN..

.. I was wondering when you would do that song, my love.. [thinking that eventually, you would] In your introduction, you said of religion what you said [as I recall] of democracy.. speaking of these stirrings we all have.. when the institutions themselves would seem to fall short of them. That’s how I’ve come to think of countries, too.. with people so often possessing a type of soundness, and goodness that seemingly has the power to unite us.. even as governments.. (and those powers behind them).. would seek to divide us.

.. which is to say, if we remain cognizant of it, there is this other element that is unviolable. [isn’t that the word?].. [my spell check seems not to think so]

.. in any event, this Georges Dor song [posted below] seems to conjure such thoughts, as well.

.. you know, my love, it seems that something very special was going on in your hometown of Montreal on those two nights. In the comments here the excitement is just so palpable.

.. actually, I’ve never heard La Manic before. Here’s the translation posted here. [on the Montreal thread] Unfortunately.. [given my dongle issues].. I’ve still not heard the tape of you singing it the other night, but I will post the link anyway..

[BEATRIZ SALLES » Fri Nov 30, 2012 1:47 pm
An English translation, thank you to Paul Zagreb on FB]

If only you knew how long the time is at Manic
You'd write way more often, to the Manicouagan
Sometimes I think so hard about you
That I recreate your soul and your body
I look at you and I am filled with wonder
I throw myself into you
Just like the river into the sea
And the flower into the bee

My beautiful lover, what do your silken forehead
And your velvet eyes become, when I am not there
Do you turn towards the Côte-Nord 1
To see a little, to see some more
My hand signaling you to wait
At twilight and at dawn, I reach out
I meet you wherever you may be
And I keep you

Tell me what's going on in Trois-Rivières and in Quebec City
Where there's so much to do, and everything we do with it
Tell me what's going on in Montreal
In the dirty side streets
Where you're always the more beautiful
Because ugliness can't get to you
You, who I'll love until I pass away
My eternal

We boast around all day long
But we're all good guys faithful to their loves
Some play guitar
Others play accordion
To pass time, when the time is long
But me, I play of my love
And I dance, saying your name
Because I love you so much

If only you knew how long the time is at Manic
You'd write way more often, to the Manicouagan
If you don't have much to tell me
Write the words 'I love you' a hundred times
It will be the most beautiful of poems
I'll read it a hundred times
A hundred times, a hundred times are not a lot
For those who are in love

If only you knew how long the time is
At Manic
You'd write way more often
To the Manicouagan

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYXP7n3jP1c
FULL SCREEN..

[later note: I finally got to hear this. You sound terribly sexy in French, my angel]

.. alright, my love.. I send you once again my tender kiss.. x.. and

.. (I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you..

(I’ll write again soon)

(I miss you)

[Violet]

.. my love, my angel, how are you?.. I wrote you earlier, but.. well, once again, no connection. [I was finally getting to my “garbage” segment].. [which I may never get to, by the look of things].. [with my mood shifting away from that stuff for some reason]

In any case, K. returned with news from the ashram. Apparently, her guru has now “softened” his 2012 prognostications. Actually, upon hearing this, I thought to myself: well.. what ever it is you’ve been up to, my love, keep doing it, since it seems you’re continuing to stave off the End of the World (!).. so

(I don’t know how else to interpret this stuff)

.. now, he did warn of a serious power outage here—even before I leave.. so, I do hope that doesn’t transpire. And Europe may be seeing a very cold winter. [which I believe is already in evidence in some areas]

.. but.. (obviously thanks to your tour).. that’s all he had to say on the matter just now.

(a little kiss for that, my love.. x)

Meanwhile.. on the “internal” front.. [as in “little moi”].. it’s been quite a roller-coastery ride this trip, I must say. I do think, however, that I would return here.. only

oh, wait. New heading:

WHAT HAS VIOLET LEARNED

(sigh)

.. Violet has learned on this her first trip to India that it’s probably not such a good idea to be traveling to a radically different environment with a backdrop of “world destruction” preying on you. In retrospect, I should have waited ‘til after the holidays, and traveled once the menacing dates were over with. [if I were still alive, that is] Also, the season really gets going here in January and February. Right now things are just gearing up, as it were.. so

(another sigh)

.. in any case, you live and you learn, as they say. But I can see returning here.. only armed with a better understanding of just what the deal is here—the good and the bad of it, etc. Also, there are other places in India I wouldn't mind sojourning to.. so

yes. I will very likely return. [pretty sure]

.. in the meantime, I have a few last things to attend to. I’d like to have V & J [the owners of this house] over to dinner, for example. [this happens on Thursday, in fact] And.. (if I’m in the right mood).. I may even sing for J... [who is the music teacher]

.. I don’t know, my angel.. even though I’ve really done nothing on the music front since I’ve arrived here, just having gotten away from my life at home for a while does help me to see that I’d like to try and find a jazz trio in need of a singer [sort of thing] once I’m back. I mean, I do have that desire in me, as I do think it could be a lot of fun.. and, given I have been singing quite a lot this year, I feel I have more confidence in my power of voice, and my control of it, etc.

oh. I am checking out a jazz club this Friday. I don’t know if I’ll hear this variety, exactly, but I was just reading of the sort of jazz fusion that goes on here, which can involve any number of Indian instruments, such as.. [as per a local Goan mag]:

… “Konkani instruments like the ghumot (a clay-pot drum featuring
membrane made of monitor lizard) and the Indian tabla and the violin..
and the sitar or santoor (a harp-like instrument)… ”



.. let's see.. what else.

oh—tomorrow morning K. has invited me to join her in a yoga class at this place she says is just gorgeous. You have to climb all these stairs, she says, in order to get to it. [she joked that the stairs are more difficult than the class].. but apparently there's an amazing view, and garden. She also says the classes at this place.. [where she herself is going to teach].. has very excellent teachers. I believe the teacher I will have tomorrow is Danish.

.. in any case, I’ll be quite busy these last days, my angel.

.. actually, I’m not sure I believe it yet that I’m finally going to see you, either. [I guess I better not say much, and jinx the whole thing].. [but, yeah.. it hasn’t quite sunk in yet]

[okay.. I actually feel.. you know........ turned on.. just even thinking about it]

.. okay, my angel. I hope you’re having a good time up north a’ ways. Actually, I love these picturesque winter scenes posted here on the Quebec City thread. I can’t say I’m dying to be back in a cold climate, and yet.. (given the holidays are once again upon us).. I do have to say there’s something nice about it, too. [I’ll be eating those words soon, I’m sure]

.. alright, my darling.. here again is my tender kiss.. x.. (and here’s another Sarah number from this great looking LP of hers called “Swingin’ Easy").. (by the way, what’s also nice about having my parents’ LPs is that they contain my actual musical memory. They’re part of why I love this music.. and why I hope I will have the courage to actually sing, one of these days).. (in front of other humans, that is)

.. oh, so.. (as per the following number)..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IXvgfdgabr8
FULL SCREEN..

(you really do, my love.. x xx.. xx xx x..

[Violet]

.. my angel, you can't imagine what's going on with the whole "cat" thing. I mean.. meeting someone on a bridge [the cat in tow] with a whole mess of rupees.. [even by Western standards].. just to be given access to the correct vet to certify the poor thing. [oh, and here this is considered how one conducts "official business"] [??]

.. my God, it felt like

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ExEZeWLMCfo
FULL SCREEN..

[I mean, it's just a kitty cat, for cripe's sake]

[jeez]

.. (how are you, by the way?.. my beloved).. (I do hope this note finds you well after your performance last night. By all accounts, you're doing just such a magnificent job on this tour, my angel. I wish I could give you a massage or something.. x..

.. now.. [back on the "animals" issue].. I asked someone yesterday.. [a lovely woman I met at the yoga place].. but, I asked her about the "dog" situation here, and all she did in response was to start howling.

[it was pretty funny, actually].. [and certainly to the point]


.. so, you just did Toronto.. although there’s no setlist posted, as yet. [or at least at the time I wrote this on my desktop]

.. oh, I was able to watch your second performance, I think it was, of La Manic.

.. now I’m wondering what would be just such an iconic song for New York.. [besides First We Take Manhattan, I mean]

I’m sorry, but I’m entirely blank on that. And I’m all achy feeling too, which reminds me:

there is such a thing as The Brooding Poodle Pose, even though I thought I made that up. But no.. apparently there is a such a pose, which I was doing yesterday. [okay, maybe I made up the name, then] In any case, doing the yoga class had me once again recalling my two Stroppendragers.. especially given how difficult Pilates was for Strope the Dry. I mean, it just seems ludicrous when your body is contorted in some extremely unreasonable way, and just every muscle is throbbing, and aching.. and meanwhile the teacher is telling you to “relax and breath into the pose.” [??]

[let's face it, sulking into one’s Kingfisher is no doubt more in line with “relaxing”] [even if it does mean a soaking wet noose]

.. in any case, L.. [the yoga teacher].. is friends with K. She's not a Dane, actually, but a brit. [very nice] She told me I have “very open hips.” [which apparently is good] She also said I was "a natural at yoga." [although, she made no mention of the noose].. [probably out of politeness]

.. last night.. [given she dropped by where K. and I were having a drink].. but she won extra points by saying I reminded her of a film actress, only she couldn’t remember the name. [figures]

[actually, that reminds me.. you’re forgetting to do your “poor memory” song, my angel]

[just thought I’d remind you, in case you

yeah, that one].. [it took you a minute there]

.. anyway.. [as for the yoga class].. it was conducted in a “room” that was just as K. said it would be. Well, actually, I didn’t see the room that’s at the very top of the mountain.. [the one with the amazing view] This one was a bit further down, and was a spacious, high ceilinged room, with a rattan floor and white mesh walls.. and where outside one sees nothing but tropical forest. It was a terribly lovely setting, I have to say. Very peaceful. L. also had some music softly playing in the background, and while I would have loved to have heard your own voice in that setting.. (my angel).. I was at least gratified that one of her choices was J.J. Cale.

.. so, yeah. [sort of great, I thought]

[I mean, he's not exactly a popular choice, I'd say]

.. but, my God, that yoga stuff has you using muscles you never even knew you had. And, I mean, I thought I was in fairly good shape from all the bike riding I’ve been doing.. but

(apparently not)

Anyway, when I wasn’t experiencing new versions of muscle pain, there were moments of meditative relaxing. L. had us focusing on “the heart”.. (and I did feel you then, my angel.. deep inside.

.. and so, you remain with me, my love.. even all the way over here.. up top a mountain.. in a far away forest)

(just one more kiss.. x)


okay. Perhaps I should at least touch on this topic.. (before leaving this place).. (Goa, I mean)

.. so.. yeah:

GARBAGE.

(even as there’s a wonderful array of bright colored flowers here.. vibrant yellow and violet-pink, especially. They’re gaily growing on trellises, and pouring over garden walls)

.. but anyway, if you could see some of the roads here, how they are literally lined with just masses and masses of

actually, let me back up a sec.

Now, the fact of the matter is: there is no municipal garbage collection here. That’s right. [actually, I just heard that a few of the villages here do have it, but none in my immediate vicinity. Oh, and this is “atypical”]

.. now, K.’s landlord has a woman come just to sort through her and her renters’ garbage. This may sound simple enough.. rather the way we separate recycling, etc.. but.. well, it’s actually not.

.. and, I mean, now that I’m in my own house, there’s this anxiety about just what to do with what, garbage wise. [??]

.. so.. what I’ve learned on this is that the paper stuff becomes part of the “burnables.” And yes, Goans.. [and maybe this is true of other parts of India as well].. but Goans burn a lot of garbage right in their own yards. And it can be eerie, sometimes.. coming across these fires, which are very often close to the houses, or the road. [this is especially true at night] [the "eariness," I mean] And, I mean, these can be large fires, with a great deal of smoke that's clouding the road as you pass by]

.. then there’s the organic stuff, which you just bury in the yard. [yeah, you don’t even compost it. Just “bury” it]

.. oh, there's also a place nearby that recycles glass and plastic bottles just by the side of the road. [I’m beginning to have quite a collection going here]

.. but then there’s the question of just what to do with the rest??

.. apparently, there’s nothing clear on this. K.’s landlord said you bring it into Mapsupa where you can find piles of black plastic bags of garbage by the side of the road, although you need to make sure there’s no sign that says No Dumping, etc. But, that done, you just “leave” it there. [??]

actually, I didn’t quite spell this out yet. [and remember: Goa is largely a resort/tourist destination..

.. and yet, there is just masses of garbage lining some of the roads here. It’s shocking to see at first. Just shocking. [funny, though.. it sort of becomes part of the “madness” of the place, which I guess is how our psyches manage to absorb incongruities such as this one.. granting to something “charm,” even as it's entirely uncharming]

.. in any case, given all the resorts ‘n restaurants, and the nice beach front ‘n stuff.. I mean, this place could truly look like a tropical paradise.. [and does in many instances].. but, yeah.. with just a little effort it really could look

oh, and given.. [as I mentioned earlier].. all the cleaning cleaning cleaning.. scrubbing scrubbing.. sweeping, swabbing.. that goes on inside and outside the homes here.. I mean.. what—the minute you’re out on the road, you dump your garbage????.. [as long as it’s not on your property????]

Now.. [to put this in some sort of context].. apparently, in the past the cows took care of most of the garbage. I mean, a cow will eat a newspaper, for cripe’s sake.. so that seems to be where, for years ‘n years, all the garbage went. [a lot of it still does, in fact]

.. only then something called “plastics” came along, and

well, as I said, there are stretches of road and riverfront here that are just an eye sore. Westerners.. [and I assume many Indians too].. don’t like this, but wind up throwing up their hands, since governance here doesn’t seem to want to take up the issue, fearing it’s a losing battle for some reason.

.. so

yeah. [weird]


.. anyway, my love.. yesterday I went again to the [very pristine] beach I’d mentioned a while back.. [where the “moneyed” Indian set like to go]

.. the French restaurant is open now, and so I’ll be going there for dinner sometime before I leave. But I did try some of their appetizers.. [which were delicious].. and I have to say that between the pristine beach in the background.. and the lovely tables in the shade of mid-sized tropical palm trees.. and the clean, white sand beneath my [slightly tanned] toes.. it really was divine, the whole experience. [maybe I’ll return there some day with a jazz trio].. [not a bad gig, I’d say].. [oh, and again.. just so cheap.. and, I mean, this is one of the “expensive” places.. so

yeah. Sometimes all IS well in paradise. [even in this troubled world of ours, my angel]

.. of course, I’m looking forward to another manner of paradise, which is Violet In Paradise.. [when I will be seeing you, my love]

.. but, ‘til then.. my tender kiss.. x.. (and a sample of the more wintery paradise that was you in Montreal this year..

(I’m unable to listen to this just now—again, given the “dongle” issue.. but I can imagine it..

(I truly can)

.. (you have my heart, my darling.. xx.. x..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dxvctDZqJYI
FULL SCREEN..

.. xx x.. x x xx..

much later edit: never mind.

[Violet]

.. my love, how are you?

.. well, the very hot and humid weather we were having here cleared late last night.. and this morning felt rather crisp and clear. Still, I was fighting this sadness of mine.. but maybe it, too, is clearing some.

.. so, tonight you’re in Ontario, where I imagine things are on the “chilly” side, weather wise. [all the better for you to warm things up, my angel]

.. anyway.. I’ve been having thoughts of home, since I’ll be heading back there next week. So, yes.. my lonely mountain.. the two chickens.. [who are being cared for by a very thoughtful neighbor].. and our lake, too.. and everything it has meant to me. [everything you have meant to me] [and continue to mean to me, my love]

You know, I do sometimes worry that these letters could be somewhat burdensome to you. And that upsets me. But there are also times when I’ve thought differently.. and so, I can’t come to any strict conclusions. Anyway, please forgive me if I’ve burdened you at times with these. [it’s the very last thing I want to do].. [the very last]


So, last night was the dinner with J. and V.. [whose lovely Goan house this is] The dinner went very well, and they are just the kindest, most spirited people. I wound up fascinating them with some of my “takes” on things. [world events wise] So, that was a nice change. I mean, I’ve learned to keep such ideas to myself, for the most part. [when I’m not trying to unravel it all in an unruly piece of quazi-fiction]

.. speaking of.. I guess once I’m home I’ll see if I can get that literary agent [I’ve mentioned] interested. If not, I’ll have to rethink things. [I mean, perish the thought that Agent Longing and his beloved Violet flower should wind up in a dusty drawer somewhere].. [that just seems all wrong, somehow]

oh. I noticed you DID do your “poor memory” song.. [the first time out on this leg of the tour].. and so I didn’t need to remind you, after all. [I had strange timing with that, though] [??]

.. oh, and you also did that fairly new song of yours “Feels So Good,” which I don’t know very well.

[would you ever consider doing your Book of Longing song?]

[I think it’s far better than you apparently think it is]..

.. what else..

Well, today I meet K. at the French restaurant for a late lunch.. and tonight it’s Goan jazz night, which I’m quite looking forward to.

.. tomorrow there’s the Saturday Market.. and I’m hoping to find some Christmas presents for my niece and nephew. [whom I still need to visit] [up in Portland, Maine]

.. actually, I saw here what’s called “Indian Barbie”.. [who’s wearing a fancy sari].. which I think would be perfect for my niece.

.. there’s even an Indian Ken, wearing a nehru collar. [they’re quite the couple]

.. as for my nephew, I saw here they have these comic books illustrating the various stories of the Hindu gods. Since he’s a teenager now, I thought he might like that.

.. now, as for you, my angel.. [since you’ve been terribly good this year].. I hope to find something entirely unique and special. [even if I have no way of getting it to you]

.. but.. yeah.. I’ll keep my eye out for that.

[you know, we might at least share a cup of tea some time, my angel].. [we wouldn't even have to say anything].. [just sip..

.. alright, my darling.. stay good.. and tomorrow morning I’ll be thinking of you performing tonight. [??] [I’m pretty sure that’s how things work out, time wise].. [pretty sure]

oh. I didn’t sing for J. last night, but the night never seemed to call for that. [honest] Actually.. [on the jazz front].. I was playing for them Jobim, which they really really liked.

.. J. said Dave Brubeck.. [whose name was just in the news, given his recent death].. but she said that he’s her favorite jazz person.

.. alright, my love.. while it’s true I’m a bit sad with missing you.. [okay, more than a bit].. I at least realize now that we have to meet at some point so that I can give you the Indian trinket. [that I haven’t found yet]

[at least I’m working out a “plot,” as it were].. [it's a start]

.. okay.. my luckiest, and most tender kiss to you, my love.. x

(and yes, I miss you)

[oh: is Jarkko about to announce an “addition” to your tour???]

[there’d be some very happy campers here, then]

(xx x..

actually, I only heard the beginning of this.. [again, given my “dongle” issues].. but it looks pretty great, I think..

.. (just one more kiss, my angel.. x.. and

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DyjCN8-SvEY
FULL SCREEN..
.. x x.. x xx..

edit:.. I can barely post here, given my connection problems.. and yet still I managed to correct a typo I spotted today.

[Violet]

.. uh.. my angel, I actually sang with a jazz band tonight. (!) [??]

[yeah]

.. now, this band wasn’t exactly my cup of tea, exactly. There was definitely some talent there, but

okay.. [let me put it this way].. given I’ve been listening to Bill Evans fairly consistently for months and months—not to mention my listening to and observing you.. [and the caliber musicians you work with].. add to that the manner of musicians Sarah and Billie sang with, and

well, I’m afraid my bar for this sort of thing is pretty high, in other words.

Meanwhile, this band [unfortunately] was—

well, for one thing, it had a “grandstandish” sort of drummer.. [not exactly a Roy Haynes, you could say].. and a keyboard player who likewise suffered from “manufactured zestiness.” The guy on sax was pretty good, actually. [and I think I could detect his lack of enthusiasm for the drum playing especially] Meanwhile, the female singer, while she had an okay voice, still had a rather uninspiring style.

.. anyway, she did say straight away that anyone who wanted to step in and play an instrument or sing was welcome to.. so

well, to tell you the truth, that sort of sucked that she said that since then I felt that if I DIDN’T at least give things a shot, I’d feel pretty lousy about it afterwards.. and so.. [after their first set].. [even though it was rather painful].. but I somehow managed to "will" myself over to the guy whose band it was.. [he was pretty decent on bass guitar, I thought].. and I asked him if they knew Birdland. He said they did. He had a book with a lot of jazz standards that we started looking through, but he didn’t know a lot of the ones I would have liked to sing. In any case, I started singing the songs as we did this, and so he could tell I could sing, and.. well, add to that the fact I told him I was from New York, and.. well, before I knew it, he got really excited, and asked how long I was going to be in Goa. [??] He said he could book some gigs for me. [?????]

.. I mean, I DID say I didn’t have much experience. [of course, I didn’t want to mention I had NO professional experience at all].. [still, wasn’t he getting a bit ahead of himself??]

.. anyway.. it was decided I’d do Birdland and Summertime.

.. so, he introduced me.. and I got on stage.. and

well, the first shocker.. [after trying to establish what key we were going to do this in].. but once things got going I realized I couldn’t even hear my own voice. [???]

[there was no monitor for the singer] [??]

.. it was so unsettling that I asked to start over. Then I did okay with it, but I knew I could do it far better.

.. on Summertime, though, I did start to feel more comfortable, and I know I did at least some of it quite well, since I was able to tune into my own voice more, and since I was feeling far less nervous. In fact, there were moments when I was feeling quite comfortable, even.. [and there was a woman who was really beaming at me from one of the tables, so I thought that might have been a good sign]

oh—the second disturbing thing in doing this was.. well, I mean.. [not having rehearsed or anything].. after I did the songs straight through, and the rest of the band started their solo parts.. I was then trying to discern just WHERE I was supposed to come in again???

.. so, there I was.. looking for an entry.. [sort of the way I used to do as a girl, when looking to “jump in” during a game of jump rope]

.. so, on Birdland I sort of messed that part up. [yeah, I jumped in a bit too soon] [it’s too bad, too, since I knew the main dude was now realizing how green I was at this]

.. anyway, I’m glad to get this over with here, since now I don’t have to have my “first time” be in New York. (!)


.. actually.. I’m also now re-realizing just how difficult it will be just to hook up with talented musicians, and musicians who share a certain sensibility.. or who at least could resonate with my own sensibility. I really can see how this may take some doing.

.. alright, well, it’s terribly late, my angel.. but I just had to stop in here and “report.” I mean, I honesty didn’t think I’d get anything accomplished music wise before I left.. and this stage fright thing is really half the battle, I think.. so hopefully it’s a start, then.

.. okay, my love.. good luck tonight.. x.. (I’m excited you just did Chelsea Hotel, though I've yet to actually hear it.. and now it seems it's been removed from youtube for some reason)..

any case, here's

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qNi6M_A9AzU
FULL SCREEN

.. xx x .. x xx..

[Violet]

.. my love.. I'm not sure I have a gift for you yet, although I did go to the market. The colors there were astounding. Especially the spices, piled high like little mountains. But the sellers were hard to deal with. .. [Gujaraties, I'm told they are] [later note: not only did I misspell that, it's the Kashmiries that reign in these markets here]

.. I did find some things for my niece and nephew. I even got colorful leather slip-on "elf" slippers for myself. [deep red, and forest green]

actually, I saw some manner of trinket I might get for you elsewhere. [I keep thinking about it, that's why] Then I realized I have something I myself have worn forever.. (which might make an even better gift, then).. (there's a mystery about it, too)

.. so, you see.. you must have tea with me, my angel.. (even if we just sip..


I heard last night from the States that an old friend of mine just died suddenly of a heart attack. Very unexpected. A lot of the people I once knew, and some I still keep in touch with, were to the funeral yesterday.. [my nighttime]

.. it's terribly sad, and I'm shocked by it.. but I've been remembering too how funny this person was.. and how important he still is to my first memories of things.. of college.. of art school. I remember so well his smile.. (and even the sweetest love poem he once wrote me, and gave me.. just at my doorway, before running away in embarrassment)

.. [I'm sure I can find it still]

.. so, it's sad, my angel. But I'm not as sad as I feared I would be last night, given I keep thinking of his smile.. his sense of humor.. (his earliest art works, too)

.. [in writing this, I'm sending my prayers and good thoughts to him.. wherever he may be]


.. well.. I've just a few days left here. I still haven't written about the "roads." .. [just how nuts they are]

.. last night was a Greek place with the very best view of the ocean in all of Goa. [stunning]

.. you'd like this.. there was a pretty and slender Russian woman there who first danced with veils.. then with fire. When she danced with fire it seemed they were playing a song I'd not have recognized, only L.. [the one who teaches yoga].. noted it was you and Minogue singing
Where the Wild Roses Grow.. but, I didn't think it sounded like you. Now I'm thinking it was Nick Cave.

.. anyway, it was unexpected. You're always "in" me.. still, it surprises me when that comes to the surface of things.. when I'm with others, especially.

.. actually.. I'm more in the mood for this song right now.. [as opposed to the "wild rose" one]

.. the imagery seems fitting, too.. x.. (stay warm, my love.. and I'll tell you about the mountain inlands, where I plan on going today).. (you're always with me, my darling.. xx x..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6LqzIArdRYE
FULL SCREEN..

.. x x x.. x x x..

edit: I have been searching for something on this thread, and came upon a poem I wrote, which I decided needs work. [ahem]

[Violet]

.. my angel, how are you?

.. I had a pleasant day yesterday, only I wound up once again by the ocean—not inland. I think I took some pretty good pics, too. [I’m just getting the hang of this digital camera] Some of my shots I call “random road shots,” since I take them while on the scooter. These are catch as catch can, but sometimes I like them, capturing as they do the sense of movement, and something of the exciting feel of the roads here. [a topic I still need to get to]

.. anyway, I shall post some pics once I get them in my computer, either here, or once I’m back. The intensity of color here, especially, lends itself to photography.. [even if I’m not much of a digital fan].. [still, the convenience of it can’t be ignored at this point]

.. oh, and a lot of Indians will smile at you if you look like you’re enjoying their country. [they really appreciate that I’ve noticed]

.. anyway, yesterday, while eating at this Russian place near the ocean.. [the menu all in Russian, with some English translation].. [oh, and the food was good, too.. very fresh, the seafood]

[actually, I’m rather amazed I don’t seem to have gained any weight while here, since I feel as though the majority of time spent has been eating out].. [in fact, I find myself looking forward to my more Spartan type eating practices once I’m back home].. [I mean, enough already].. [my God]

oh. So, while eating my Tandoori prawns this woman came by the table selling Marigold garlands [with some Jasmine blossoms mixed in]. You see these garlands everywhere in India, hung on shrines, especially.. but just everywhere, really. In any case, I immediately thought of my friend, G.. [the one who just died].. and thought to buy a garland that I might set afloat on some water somewhere, as a kind of farewell. I did this later in the day as I dropped a Marigold garland over a bridge that goes over quite a large river.. almost as large as the Hudson. It feeds into the ocean, and so it seemed a good place.

.. oh, and so I’d been wearing two Marigold garlands all day long.. [one I’ve kept to dry at home].. but, yes.. in the heat of the day.. in this very hot sun.. I was wearing Marigold blossoms. And, I mean, even by the ocean it was hot. And again, the colors here match such intensity.. [such as the color of those Marigolds]

Oh, I remembered, too.. (my love).. how you’d once gone to Mumbai.. so, you already know about such heat and intensity of color. And, even though I’ve experienced something of the congestion of the rather “citified” towns here, I can only imagine the congestion and activity on the streets of a city as large as Mumbai. I think it could be a bit overwhelming, in fact. And there’s the pollution, too, that everyone here talks about. One woman told me that in Delhi it’s nothing but smog.

So, last night.. [again, as concerns my friend, G.].. but I was able to skype—or for a while I was, at least—with M. [the friend who’d informed me of G.’s passing] I asked him about the funeral.. and he spoke of how sad it was.. and he confirmed how people he’d not seen in years [from art school] had shown up, as well.

.. actually.. [as a little aside here].. I remember the exact place and circumstance of my first meeting G. He and M.. [M, by the way, became my first boyfriend in college].. but I remember walking into the art school’s student art gallery.. [and I was very “green” at that point—still just seventeen].. and there they both were: completely naked, and each tied to a chair (!) Oh, and with the backs of the chairs tied together.

[which might be to say that everything you’ve ever imagined about “art school” is true].. [you just never had your suspicions substantiated probably]

.. so.. yeah. That was M. & G. [G. later did a piece where he was hanging from the ceiling in some sort of "cacoon" like thing].. [oh, and there was a good-sized stick available there in the gallery, should you feel moved to

[you fill in]

Actually, I'm just recalling now M. & G.'s apartment.. with everything in that place some manner of “objet d’ art” sort of thing. It was quirky, and funny, and.. [given how young I was].. I really didn’t know what I was getting myself into. [still don’t, I guess]

.. anyway, in the spirit of M. & G. , I’ll tell you what M. said last night about the funeral.. [since his story was surprisingly

well, I’ll get to that.

.. so, yes.. M. said how sad it all was.. and how sad everyone was.. and then he spoke of how it was time for him to read what he’d written about G. [it seems a number of people had written things]

.. now, as he read, he said he noticed he was developing some tic or something in the back of his throat, which was getting worse and worse, and which was affecting the way he sounded. He said he found that he couldn’t wait to get through the last paragraph, since he really needed to get a glass of water in order to clear his throat.

.. so, anyway, he finished finally, and went to sit down—next to this woman, as it happens.. [some woman he knew, apparently]

.. anyway, this woman.. [S., I'll call her].. but, anyway, S.. [thinking M. was all “choked up” given the sadness of the occasion] [oh, and not realizing how it actually had more to do with the tic in the back of his throat].. but, in any case, she put her arm around M., and even put her hand on his hand.. [you know, in order to comfort him]

.. now, if I could draw M.’s reaction as a kind of cartoon, then in the dialogue bubble over M.’s head would be something like:

.. hmm.. S. seems to have done something different with her hair. She’s looking quite good, in fact. A lot better than I remember her looking.. gosh..

.. yeah, so then M. gently put his hand on her hand, and

MY DONGLE GOES OUT.. and so, the skype call gets disconnected. [!!]

[yeah.. right at the good part]


.. of course, I can’t help thinking that G. himself would probably have been amused that his buddy, M., would have seized the opportunity presented by his own funeral to get a little babe action. [I’m sure he would have understood, somehow]

.. as for myself.. I’m wondering if M. at least got to first base.

[I guess I’ll find out].. [dongle willing, that is]

.. so.. yeah. That’s the latest, my angel.


So, I see you have two more Ontario gigs, and then it’s back to the States.. first Boston.. and then...........



(sigh)

.. alright, I need to start packing some of my things, and preparing for a dinner tonight, since K. is bringing L. [the yoga teacher friend] over for dinner. [actually, you can’t imagine what can be done with a good toaster oven—which even has a rotisserie function].. [it’s quite amazing].. [as long as the power doesn't go out]

.. alright, my darling.. once again, I send my tender kiss.. x..

(actually, I suddenly feel the need to hear this old tune again) (if my dongle lets me, that is).. (this should help keep things on the ‘up’ side, at least)

(oh, and safe travels, my angel).. (and yes, I miss you).. (always, I do.. x x .. xx..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SIu1jNhLy9Q
FULL SCREEN..

.. x x x.. x x x.. xx..

[Violet]

.. my angel, I hope all is well with you. This is just a very quick good-bye, as I'm just packing up my computer and preparing to depart.

I will again be thinking of you on the flight back home. Maybe I'll take in some of the Essentials.

.. I'm a little sad to be leaving here, as I have gotten the hang of things.. [finally].. but I'm excited to go back home, too.. and to be seeing you just so soon. (!) [I can't believe it]

.. so.. (oh, maybe you can sing something special for me tonight).. and, once again I send you my tender kiss.. x.. (here's hoping I'll dream of you on my flight tonight, my love.. xx x..

.. [my dongle's not cooperating, but I seem to recall liking this].. [as best I can recall.. so

here goes

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7vThuwa5RZU
FULL SCREEN..

.. x x x.. x xx..

[Violet]

.. actually, is it wrong that I think that this is the best cover of this song ever??

http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=50136947n
FULL SCREEN..

.. [I think he captures a vital aspect of the original, with the "Sandy, screw ya" line].. [he really does]


.. well, my angel, I'm back after a harrowing harrowing journey. Oh, and unfortunately I seem to have picked up a stomach flu, and so I've been

[I won't say]

but I've had a truly awful morning today. I just slept, and am beginning to feel a bit better.

.. it was also a trial just getting my kitty cat out of JFK Airport. The geniuses in India decided to categorize him as "cargo" instead of "extra luggage" [as had been the case on the way over].. and that meant having to go to some remote "Building 9" at the cargo section of the airport. Luckily I found a very nice Korean guy, although his car wasn't exactly "legal." I mean, it wasn't a car service or a taxi or anything. But the man was as good as gold, and patiently took me to this building. Then they told me I needed to go WAY OUT to the OTHER side of the Airport to Customs.. at which point I THEN needed to GO BACK to the remote Building 9. [all of this took at least two hours].. [oh, and it was freezing, and I was getting sick]

.. so

yeah. Quite a nightmare.

.. then the two hour drive up north.. [since crazy cuz was keeping my car for me]

but, yeah. Another two hours of travel with my eyes wanting to shut closed, and with a very unhappy kitty cat. [who is fine now, and napping on the couch].. [however, it was so cold in here last night I could see my breath.. although I'm not sure Crescent minded all that much. He was just glad to be home]

(sigh)

.. in any case, Adam Sandler thankfully made me feel welcome back in New York. [oh, but the, uh, "vomit" cut away was not appreciated, however]

[not good timing for that]

what else..

actually, I was just dreaming of you, my love. [sorry, that wasn't the best transition, there].. Anyway, in the dream we were at this watering hole where there was quite a drop into the water. [hmm..

anyway, my angel.. all told, I'm still a bit wobbly.. not quite myself. And yet, I'm glad to be back.. and am of course looking forward to

actually, that's all I'll say.. [since there's still time for me to somehow jinx this thing]

.. oh, my tv-phone-computer provider tells me there's a bad cable in my area just now, too.. [since the technology gods just hate the idea of spoiling me].. so, I'm on this lousy satellite laptop thing, which is a real pain. [not quite as bad as the dongle.. but

.. anyway, my angel.. I guess I need to go back to bed. Maybe I can further develop that dream.. [I'll see].. [although I'd prefer to be under the covers, as opposed to under water].. [if given a choice, I mean]

.. alright, my beloved. Have a great last Canada concert.. and stay real warm.

.. I'll blow you a kiss this time, since I don't want to give you germs.. x.. (all my love, my angel..

[and I'm sure I'll be back up to speed soon].. [as will my computer, I hope]

xx x x.. x..

[Violet]

.. I'm afraid I'm still sick, my angel. Every time I try to do something I wind up feeling exhausted, and so I have to lie down. I'm hoping tomorrow will be better, since I'm not even unpacked yet. I keep dreaming of the chicken escarole soup I want to make, too.. but which I'm too tired to manage. Maybe tomorrow..

.. this latest school shooting is preying on me, too. It could be true that this dimension of "synthetic terror" won't stop until most of us are begging for Martial Law. [later note: I keep spelling that "Marshall," for some reason] In any case, that's one theory I think about. However, never in question for me is the "synthetic" aspect, about which I've written quite a bit on this thread, and in Agent Longing and Violet's story. [do I risk endangering myself in even trying to publish that thing??.. and yet, when these things continue to happen, I wonder if it wouldn't be worth the risk..

.. as to this Connecticut shooting, something to note: earlier in the day the number of dead was listed as twenty-seven, with maybe eighteen of them children, and with these numbers largely being held to. However, not long after these numbers were initially arrived at, the Washington Post.. [who also had used the same above figures].. comes in with:

Friday, December 14, 2012 2:14:22 PM

National News Alert

'Several' dead in grade school shooting, Conn. police say.

There are "several fatalities at the school, including students and staff," State police Lt. Paul Vance says. He declined to comment on reports that far more were killed. Vance says the shooter died in the school.

[emphasis mine]


.. I have found that it's always important to pay close attention to details at the outset of such an event, since that's when facts that don't "measure up" enter the equation.

.. when 9/11 first happened, the first figures indicated that something like ten thousand were dead.

.. what I think this indicates.. [if we follow the "synthetic" dimension of such horrors].. is that what's important to those orchestrating these events is the very first impact of such terror. Numbers are exaggerated, even if they are to be adjusted later, since what's important is that initial "shock" to the group mind, which gets imprinted on us in ways in which we are not altogether conscious.

.. I would add that the fact that these child victims are so very young is an additional jolt here to be sure.

.. anyway, I have been lying in bed feeling sick.. and feeling even more sick about this happening. I think, though, that if more of the population were aware of the truly insidious dimension of power's hold on us, then at least we could react in ways that reflect such understanding. There is far more we have in common than what divides us, for example. But fear divides us.

.. in any event, with the New Year, I was thinking of looking into the possibilities of publishing Agent Longing and Violet's story. I guess I can at least dip my toe in and see what's there, publishing wise. The writing is such an odd mixture of fact and fiction.. surreal parody.. and very real cultural analysis. I don't know. Maybe it can "slide in there" for that reason alone. I mean, it's not just "one" thing. But, I just don't know.


.. anyway, my angel.. I feel better just sitting at my desk. [although already I'm wearying] But at least I have my little computer working now, and next up is to again set up the big one, which I had put in storage for my trip. [it's the computer I'll do Final Cut on].. [hopefully soon]

.. in any case, I feel better just to write this. I missed home a great deal, and yet.. here we go again. This too is part of what "home" is now. It's just so deeply troubling.. and just so heartbreaking to watch.

.. oh, strange timing, too, that you came back to the States just as this happened.

I'm not sure what else to say. It seems such a new and open wound, how does one talk of "healing?" And yet, to me your being here is just that.

.. I love you, my angel.. x

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w8NYipQlaEk
FULL SCREEN..

[Violet]

.. my angel, how are you? How was your first night in Boston?

.. well.. I feel I’m finally turning the corner today, and am beginning to feel a bit better. Actually, I’ve been finding myself sleeping in the daytime.. then watching movies all night. Thank God for my classic movie station. [something I didn’t have in India]

.. anyway, I started watching this picture--this morning, in fact .. [after finally getting some sleep].. and.. well, I couldn't help thinking about

well..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z-DQbkCHDmk
FULL SCREEN..

[and she was reading Anna Karenina, too].. [a novel I thought I’d be finished with by now, only my time in India wasn’t exactly conducive to settling down and tearing into a nice thick novel].. [then again, I did finally finish Losers].. [I mean, I love you, my angel.. but I think F. may have contributed to the nervous breakdown I was having]



.. anyway, my love.. I do think I’ll be back in gear by Tuesday night. It looks like the weather won’t be cooperating, though. It’s all rainy and gloomy out, and is likely to remain so through Tuesday, alas. But no matter. As long as.. well.. [let’s face it].. as long as there are no hurricanes, or End of the World scenarios.. then I think things should turn out alright.

[I’ll be the one with a little flashlight, intently reading Anna Karenina throughout the entire concert—I’ll be somewhere in the middle of the place].. [I doubt I’ll have a red carnation, but I’ll see what I can do].. [actually--I know.. maybe what I'll do is.. I'll watch the concert for a while, and then.. (if I decide I like you, that is).. I'll take out the red carnation, and use it to mark my place in the book].. [oh, and then you can decide whether you like me or not].. [how's that for a solution??]


.. anyway, my love, I guess I should finish unpacking. You know, it’s strange I should be fighting this sadness again, when I’ll be seeing you in just two days.. but..

.. okay, well.. have another great night in Boston.. and I promise to cheer up, meanwhile. [I’m going to do some baking this holiday, and I’ve promised myself to be good, and send out some cards].. [oh, and I thought to even get a Christmas tree this year.. so

.. okay, once again, my tender kiss to you, my love.. x.. (and.. actually, I couldn’t find this from your current tour, although I know you just performed it.. so

(oh, by the way—which one was the special song you sang for me the night I asked you to?.. I remember looking at the setlist, and I thought a lot of them terribly special.. so

(just don’t know)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZtziyBxL0o
FULL SCREEN..

.. xx x.. x x x..

[Violet]

.. okay, I know you are performing just now in Boston, my angel.. [and I do hope all is going well]

.. anyway, I just printed my ticket.. [the one I bought while still in India].. and

well, I guess I didn't realize when I purchased it just how far back this seat actually is. Further back than I initially realized.

.. anyway, my love.. I fear I'll barely even be able to see you at all at that distance. Nevertheless I'm sure the acoustics are good. [they should be]

.. but

(sigh)



.. okay, well.. I just thought I'd register my "complaint".. although.. I guess I shouldn't be complaining at Christmas time. I should be thankful that I'm even getting to see you at all.

so.. (that I am)

anyway, tomorrow I'm to the city, and I'll be thinking of you while in the gloom, and the rain. But, I'll be glad to be back in town, as I've hardly been out of the house since I got back. Oh, and I'll go to my chiropractor/healer person, which I'm really glad about. [that twenty-hour plane trip was rather grueling on my whole person]

.. so, I'll be made like new, my angel.. just in time to [almost] see you. (!)

alright, my divine. I'll no doubt check in here one more time before show time. Then I'll put on my magic slippers, and proceed to that side of Paradise..

.. (let me see what I might find for you, before signing off..

.. here's my tender kiss first.. x

[okay, let this be my reminder to myself to keep close all that's good in my heart..

.. ('til soon, my love.. xx x..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zWdJ1EXf5zo
FULL SCREEN..

.. x xxx.. xx..