Daddy's Little Princess.

[Violet]

[note: I've reposted this poem, but the latest post is below it]



[for my beloved..



Nothing except the moon


I know that love is cruel, and
I don't care.

I know that in love we are cruel, but
how can I let that stop

me. If I'm yours.

If the moon is yours. If I am
the moon.


I come to you with nothing, and
I don't care.

such of nothing is all that lovers ever
needed

and so, how can I
care

when the moon is
myself

when you possess the
moon

when the moon means everything
to those who have

nothing

nothing except
the moon. nothing except
myself

that I am perfect in
you

that I am in you made
perfect.



v i o l e t

[Violet]

.. my love, how are you?.. (I miss you.. and thought to post the "moon" poem I wrote for you here, as well).. (I guess it's toward keeping some kind of record).. (x

.. you know, I've taken to looking at your "tour blog" on your site--oh, because I wanted to see what your tour schedule looked like. It actually looks very busy, short, and sweet.. [at least, thus far].. but, it seems like "just enough".. [from your perspective, I mean].. from your fans' perspective, it may never be enough.. but

oh, and I just saw the clip from your stand-up that's included in Ladies and Gentlemen.. [the bit where your friend ate your jacket]. You know, you were really working that audience, and that's not easy to do. As a matter of fact, doing stand-up is widely held to be THE most difficult thing there is, with the possible exception of directing a film, which has been likened to conducting a war--well, except when you factor in Mel Brooks, for some reason. [although I'm not sure why]

[it's late]

.. but, I mean.. here you are, I thought a singer-songwriter/poet type person.. doing stand-up. And, I mean, you didn't even crack once, I don't think. [pretty sure] [maybe a little at the end]

[have I told you..

yeah, I think I have] [and you have such an amazing face, my angel]

.. so.. yeah. Actually, since I've not seen that doc yet, I'm wondering if that's where the "unwanted hair" material is from. I was trying to reference that since it comes up in the very first section of the writing, and I could no longer recall where it came from. [of course, I've just taken to saying I don't know stuff].. [such a time saver]

[sound effect: I haven't a clue]

[see what I mean?]

.. so.. yeah.

.. anyway, my love.. it's late, and I'm off to Gotham tomorrow. Oh. I didn't make it out to our lake this evening, but it was in the nineties over here, when just yesterday it was fall-like weather, and I wore a jacket and sweater. [??????????]

.. yesterday was amazingly windy, too.. and the water was incredibly choppy.. and somehow that lends itself to the sensation that I'm sailing towards you.. (my angel).. when I'm sitting on the dock, looking almost directly into the sunset. Actually, as I walked the walkway out there, I did notice there were still some water lilly buds bobbing about.. but I've yet to see one successfully bloom. [I'm trying not to take this too personally this time]

.. I'm still missing Dorothy, but her two sisters seem to be real troopers, and are just getting on with things. They are absolutely delighted just to have me crush an apple for them under my shoe. [it's very often the highlight of their day]

.. oh. A rather charming memory of when the three were together is

okay. So, at night, there is that moment just before the twilight moves toward darkness when the chickens instinctively know to go inside their coup, lest they get attacked by any number of nighttime predators. So, just at that time they can be found inside on their perch.. and that's when I'll go in there, and sort of "tuck them in".. and tell them just how lovely they are.. and to have a good sleep. (they're very cute as they all snuggle together.. although now there's just the two)

.. anyway, one evening I thought.. hmm.. I wonder how they would react to my singing them "Lullaby of Birdland".. [I mean, it stands to reason they would like that number in particular].. and so, I went in there, and started singing that song to them.. and it was the funniest thing. It started with Auntie Em (of course). She reacted by opening her beak as wide as she could.. with no noise coming out.. and then she started opening and closing it a bit, almost as if she were "copying" me singing. [??] Then the other two started doing the same thing.

.. now, I'd never seen them do that before or since, which is why I'm guessing it had to do with my singing. [of course, some know-it-all bird expert might come along and say, no, they do that because BLAH BLAH BLAH.. but, short of that happening, it really seemed as if they were trying to "sing"..

[it was terribly funny, and sweet]


.. alright, my love. Oh, I'm rather liking the writing as I go along.. and hope to wrap it up real soon.

.. oh, and since I've posted Sarah's Birdland any number of times.. here, instead, is a pretty country number I've liked for a long time now. [as I may have already mentioned, I think these three sounded just great together on this CD]

.. but first, I send my tender kiss to you, my love.. x.. (I see you are "officially" rehearsing.. and.. well, it's on my mind..

(just a few more, I think.. x xx..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eO_f2xp3soE
FULL SCREEN..

.. xx xx.. x xxx ..

[Violet]

.. my love, how are you?

.. I feel I have a lot to say to you, and fear I won't remember it all just now. I'm tired, and not even sure of where to begin.

The man she wanted all her life
was hanging by a thread.
“I never even knew how much
I wanted you,” she said.
His muscles they were numbered
and his style was obsolete.
“O baby, I have come too late.”
She knelt beside his feet.

“I’ll never see a face like yours
in years of men to come,
I’ll never see such arms again
in wrestling or in love.”
And all his virtues burning
in the smoky holocaust,
she took unto herself
most everything her lover lost.

– From the poem “Death of a Lady’s Man” from Death of a Lady’s Man by Leonard Cohen. (via leonardcohenminute)

[I borrowed this from your site's recent tour blog entry]


.. today was sunny again, and the water, dazzling again. Only, the water lilly buds all seem to be drowning. Drowning and rotting. But I'm still resisting taking this to heart. [or, at least I believe I am]

.. oh, this thing with "birds" up here seems to be continuing, starting with two [still fuzzy] ducklings flying right past me as I was riding. [it's hard not to smile when something like that happens] Then.. when I went to sit on the flat rocks that jut into the other lake.. well, there were these tiny birds there that reminded me of starlings. I'm not sure that's what they were, though. They certainly weren't flying en masse, as I've seen filmed, which is truly an amazing sight--like some kind of visual blight upon the sun or sky. Anyway, today there were just a few of these birds, with each of them flying swiftly down to the surface of the water, looking for fish, I would imagine.. then flying up high again--but in circles they fly.. soaring down, then up again.

.. anyway, as I always do on my little sojourn, I was thinking of you.. although I'm not recalling now exactly what I was thinking--until I thought how "perfect" I thought you were for me. [rather like

She knelt beside his feet.

“I’ll never see a face like yours
in years of men to come,

.. but, it was at the precise moment that I was thinking this, that one of these birds started flying its circle around me. [!] It flew up almost into the trees behind me, then down, nearly skimming the water in front of me.. then up into the trees again, with me at the very center of its fast-flying circle. To my stunned delight, this happened three times. [!!??]

.. actually, what was that other bird I'd seen from just that spot?.. oh--the heron. They seem to show up just to beautifully punctuate my most yearning thoughts of you, my love. How they know to do this, I really can't say. That line about "circumstance conspiring with the unconscious" comes to mind.


.. anyway, I'm sorry I'm feeling tired now, as I don't feel able to capture what it is I thought I wanted to say to you, exactly. I know I was thinking rather excitedly about assuming this name I post here as for the things I do creatively--from here on, I mean. I don't know, it feels like a new beginning somehow.. and seems to "match" where I feel to be now.

.. in any case, I just need to finish editing this manuscript, and then move on to what's next. You know, I'm a bit concerned as to how I might get it to you. Actually, first, I was thinking that.. well, you'll be on tour soon, and.. well, maybe it's not the best time to be thinking of doing this. But, then I thought of all the time you'll be spending on planes, and in hotel rooms.. so.. maybe it's not a bad time at all, then.

.. so, on that note, I'm hoping I'll be able to get it you.


.. alright, my love. Oh. IN THE CITY yesterday.. I was at that post production studio where I've had work done on my promotional trailers. In any case, the person there, whom I've known for years now.. but, he mentioned to me this great place to do an open mic. It's another jazz supper club.. and it's Wednesday nights, seven to midnight.. and you do two songs, and have a trio to back you. He told me he's gone several times, and the trio is just great.. and there have been some very good singers performing.. so, it all sounds rather ideal.

.. so, that end of things is beginning to take shape, maybe. [I just have to bite the bullet, I guess]


.. okay.. given it's so late.. it's time to send you that tender kiss good-night.. x.. (actually, it was exciting to see a pic of the rehearsal on your tour blog..

[okay, having just been to youtube, I've somehow arrived at this number.. (with some of these landscapes feeling rather like the ones I muse on you by.. xx x

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h6TvegK-IUE
FULL SCREEN..

.. xx xx.. x x.. x xx..

[Violet]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_e39UmEnqY8
FULL SCREEN..

just a little warm up for things to come.

.. how are you, my angel?

.. it's been a tough couple of days, though I'm not sure why. Anyway, I'm still smoothing things out with the writing, but it's coming. (and I'm missing you terribly)

.. I did go on my bike ride this evening--late, and so the blazing orange sun was just dipping down behind the tree line as I got to our dock. I did see new water lilly buds.. and yet, still, none have dared to bloom.. none are able, it seems.

.. on my way around the lake, I was nearly frightened by the moon (!).. I didn't expect it, and there it was, just enormous, and bright, peering down from between the tree branches. It took a moment before I realized it was the moon.. (and I thought of my poem to you)

.. you know, I'm dipping a bit into my books again, and I'm remembering what I wanted to pursue if I do Part 2 of Agent Longing and Violet's story. I'd like to do this research, anyway.. so..

anyway, first I've to figure out what to do with the first part of this thing.

.. I don't know, my angel.. I have this sense that I need to keep just at the center of various concerns. For now, you seem to be with me. You're in me somehow, and today it pained me. I fought off tears, even, as I rode.. but usually this sense I have of you helps keep me from oblivion.

.. actually, I had a dream about you last night. I don't remember all of it.. just that I was meeting you for the first time, only for some reason it was on a plane--oh, maybe because I'd mentioned you doing a lot of plane travel for your tour. But I was sitting next to you, and we started to kiss.. and I did feel to be "home," finally.. in kissing you, my love. And I wonder at that. This feeling of "home"..

.. the character Dorothy spoke of "home"..

.. and I Can't Find My Way Home is the song I'd like to do for that music video.

.. but, yes.. kissing you on that plane had the feeling of "home".. even though we were up in the air.. and not "home" at all.

.. when I had the dream I awoke, but fell back to sleep.. and so, it's a marvel I even remember it. (just a marvel, my angel)

.. I keep thinking of that little bird, too, flying circles around me. I feel almost to be at the very edge of something.. only, I don't know what.

.. oh, someone moved our Tibetan bell. It's no longer "inside" the hemlock. It's away from it now, and its heavy iron pole is now straight up and down. I guess in that it's cared for.. and yet, it made me feel that things are changing, and that things with us are changing too.. although I can't see at all clearly just how they are. All along it's felt as though rationally speaking nothing makes any sense, and in that, all is lost. But, there's this other sense to things that doesn't much care for rationalizations.. (I just thought of the white rhododendron blossoms I saw this evening.. how bright and buoyant they seemed in the dim evening light)

.. alright, my angel.. it's late, and I have Gotham tomorrow.. x.. (maybe we'll meet again on that plane..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Fq1R-e5 ... re=related
FULL SCREEN..

.. xxx. x x.. x x..

[Violet]

.. my beloved, how are you?

.. although it's technically a holiday, I've been working, still. Quite a bit. I'm really smoothing things out in this writing, and I do feel to be vastly improving it.. especially the erotic sections, which of course are the easiest to render awkwardly. What isn't easy is to have that type of writing flow just as naturally as any other type of writing. I remember reading once that erotic writing is not for amateurs, and I wholly agree. [it's just so easy for it to become pulpy schlock]

.. so.. yeah. That's what I've just been doing, and the last section I just worked on I'm feeling much better about. [just now, at least]

[sigh]

.. anyway, I thought I had some things to "report".. only, will I even remember now what they were?

oh, one last thing on the writing is that I wrote an introduction. This piece really needed it, since the story starts in the middle of the "Cumalot" thread.. [speaking of erotic material].. but, yeah.. I needed to "situate" this thing a bit.. although I wanted this intro to be short and sweet, which wasn't all that easy. Still, I think I finally succeeded in that. So.. yeah.. [things are coming along]

.. as for other matters..

.. oh--it didn't feel windy today, and yet, it was somewhat windy out on the dock.. [actually, there were two beautiful sailboats out on the lake taking advantage of that fact]. Still, it wasn't nearly as windy as it's been in the recent past.

.. so, anyway, as I rode past our Tibetan bell, I was surprised to hear it ringing. (!).. I mean, on the windiest of days it just stood there, immovable seeming. But today it was softly chiming. I was so surprised at this that I turned my bike around, and rode to where it was, so I could listen a bit.. but by then it had stopped, and all was silent again.

.. but, you know, my love, I felt you to be there somehow in that.. in the bell's gentle chiming. And, I mean.. didn't I just bring up that bell?.. and how, given its having been moved, it felt to me as if something were changing between us.. and now, for the first time in months and months, it's softly chiming as I pass.. but just as I pass.. then it stops.

(all quite strange, my angel)



.. well, since I've been reporting on "birds" these days, maybe I'll describe another bird situation that happened just today. Actually, maybe I should make this

Violet's "bird report"

.. okay, so.. I went out on the little wooden landing just outside the cottage door, which is a flight up.. (given, as the "carriage house," there's the garage part of the house on the first floor, with the living quarters on the second). Anyway, I was on the landing, and saw a very large wild turkey in the yard, with her three very tiny, fuzzy little babies just under her. She was up toward where the chickens are fenced in [with wire fencing], and it looked as though she were considering how to get to their feed, which I'll put outside if the weather is permitting.

.. meanwhile, my cat, Crescent.. [as in Crescent Moon White Paw, my lovely male tuxedo cat].. anyway, he was walking towards me from the large evergreen.. [very large.. actually, it's some sort of exotic Japanesie-looking thing that loses its needles come winter.. but it's just this towering old tree, well over three stories high]

.. anyway.. Crescent was ambling towards the stairs where I was, looking entirely oblivious to this new "bird situation."

MEANWHILE this [again, very large] wild turkey is realizing she's got a serious predator on her hands.. [that would be my lovely tuxedo cat, Crescent].. [the one who's just ambling towards me].. and so this turkey.. (who is a ways behind him).. is readying herself to attack, and, BOOM: suddenly she's making a beeline right for Crescent, and is about to give him a fierce peck on his back, when I manage to get down there--just in the nick of time, as it happens--whereupon I shooed her away.

.. Crescent, meanwhile, missed the whole thing. He just yawned, and came inside.

[silly cat]


END: bird report.


.. anyway, my love.. I miss you. Oh, and

okay, one last little "good night" story.. then I really need to go to bed.

.. okay, so.. when I went to the city on--well, just yesterday, in fact--another unusual thing happened. Well, first I needed to fill up my car with gas, which I did.. only, this had me getting on the highway from a different spot than I normally do, which somehow threw things off for me, and.. well, unbeknownst to me.. [as it were].. [actually, a bit like my "ambling" cat, in fact].. I wound up driving west, instead of east.

Okay, fair enough. But, did I notice when I passed by my OWN exit on the highway??.. [which should have been the clue that I was heading in the wrong direction].. uh, no, I didn't notice. Or.. uh.. did I notice when I passed the NEXT large town, which I KNOW is in a westerly direction--did I??? Yes, I noticed the name of the town, which I thought quite nice, but other than that it didn't mean much of anything to me. [not a thing, in fact]

.. and did I drive and drive and drive and drive and drive and drive and drive and drive???

[yeah, I did] [I'm too embarrassed to say how long this went on, in fact]

actually, my first "clue" that something was amiss was my sudden impression that the landscape seemed "somehow different." Gosh.. (I was thinking).. it's really "rural" around here. And I don't recall the mountains being quite so imposing before.. (hmm.. ).. I also noticed these dramatic changes in the road. I mean, there was all sorts of construction going on, and I thought that odd. I mean, that I never noticed all that stuff going on before. Hmm.. (I again thought)..

.. you know, my love.. I usually can blame you when I get lost on the highway, since I'm usually listening to your music. [and, honestly, you have really gotten me lost on quite a number of occasions].. [I think I may have mentioned this before, actually]

.. but, on this particular occasion I can't blame--well, at least your music this time, since--for a, uh, "change"--I was listening to Sarah. [for a change] [I mean, it's very rare that this happens these days since I'm usually listening to Old Ideas when I drive.. although, as soon as I realized what I had done, I switched to your CD, since I needed to hear your comforting voice, somehow]

[double-triple sigh]

.. anyway, what I wanted to point out to you in all this.. is that I was heading WEST.

[did you notice that??]

.. so.. I mean.. (unconsciously speaking, of course).. I WAS heading toward.. well, you.. (my love)

you see?.. I can't even drive anymore. I mean, at least on the dock--well, short of the thing "taking off" as I sometimes think is going to happen--but, short of that happening I'm fairly certain that I'm not really "sailing" towards you.. but, I mean, at the rate I was going yesterday I might have landed in LA before I even noticed I wasn't heading east. That's how much "over-ride" my psyche seemed to have had going. [that's a good deal of "over-ride," my angel].. [a great deal, in fact]

.. so

.. okay, my love. And yes, what I'm saying is.. well, that this mishap was all your fault, yet again. And as a result, I was only able to meet with a friend for a very brief time yesterday, since I was THAT LATE.

.. so.. yeah. There's only you to blame.

.. anyway, I'll see what I can get done tomorrow, writing wise. Friday, it's Gotham again.. [if I can manage to drive in the right direction, that is].. since I'll be bringing my brother back up for the holiday weekend. [these holidays come just at the wrong time, it seems, since I really want to finish this editing work now]

alright, my darling.. (my angel).. my kiss to you.. x.. (sweetly blown in a westerly direction.. over hill and dale.. through storm and sun.. moonlight.. starlight..

.. okay, I need to hear this one again.. (my beloved).. (xx xx.. x..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yTKXEtOWFlk
FULL SCREEN..

.. xx x.. x x.. xxx.. xx..

[Violet]

.. Leonard, my love.. how are you?

.. it's been something of a rough time for me still, but at least the holiday is over, and I'm back to work. I really need to finish editing this thing, so it really is a fait accompli.. and then I'll be better able to see what might be done with it.

.. you know, perhaps I've really gotten to the place now where.. well, either I actually communicate with you at some point, or I just move on with things, which I have to do, in any event.

.. anyway, I lay awake this morning.. and really, I write the best letters to you before I go to write them.. and then I go to write them.. and

but I somehow just wanted to let you know that, well, as unconventional as all of this has been with me, I would apply that I'm a fairly sane individual, which of course [as I think I've said before] makes doing this thing more difficult, in a sense.. since out and out insanity has way of covering a multitude of sins, if that makes any sense. But, no, this way I get to second guess myself into.. well, into a real mess with things at times.

.. anyway, I guess, as I lay there in bed I was thinking.. I mean, I'm still not a terribly copious devotee of yours.. and I'm not obsessed with you, nor do I even have that in me to be. I do own that I'm fending off sadness, but at least that's not depression, which, as I know you know, is a difficult beast to try and master. But, no.. it's more a sadness that I'm dealing with, and that has its roots in many things, no doubt. But then, all our sadnesses do.

.. I guess I've learned yet again from the remaining two chickens.. [after Dorothy's death, I mean].. that life goes on.. that one just gets on with things. Oh, and last night I decided I'd try singing to them again, to see if that first reaction of theirs.. [their opening their beaks wide, and seemingly attempting to sing].. well, to see whether it was a one time thing, or not. Maybe it was, as they didn't do that again. However, the two of them were just so sweet to watch, as one will lift her wing to have the other nestle closer to her--so sweet, these lovely beings.. just so sweet.

.. anyway, I thought, as I lay in bed awake this morning

I don't know, I spend a lot of time scolding myself for loving you, I guess. And then, this morning.. the only thing that made things seem okay was when I allowed that I did. That I simply loved you. Seemingly to no ascertainable end. But, still.. to just allow that I do. And suddenly I felt relief.

.. so.. forgive me, my love, for loving you. You really need forgive me everything. I think I'm worth forgiving. I think I'm worthy of at least that.

oh, and.. the other evening.. I'd gone for my bike ride especially late, and so the sun had already dipped down beneath the tree line by the time I'd gotten to our dock. And later, when I went to the other lake, it was nearly dark.. and there seemed to be campfires on the other side. But it was from there that there came just the loveliest, most mournful sound of bagpipes (!)

.. or it might have come from a boat, in fact. But it sounded across the lake to where I was.. this lake that seemed so wide and dark and vast now, with such mournful sounds being carried to me.

.. sounds that tied me to my father and his family.. [his having been born in Aberdeen]

.. there was the sound of bagpipes in Brooklyn where I lived, as well. I was out, it was also that dusky hour.. and that sound came from a nearby school yard that was empty. And it seemed so incongruous as to have a special beauty.

.. but, even here.. on the water.. where that sound more properly belongs, maybe.. still, it seemed incongruous.. timeless, in a sense.. sad.. but still so beautiful.

.. it was the night I was giving myself an especially hard time. I felt that you must think ill of me, and it was difficult to take that on. I know I have to be strong in myself, no matter what.. since I don't seem to do things in the "normal" way.. since I seem to go at life in a way that has me more at odds with things, I guess.

.. singing will be a challenge then, since.. well, it's to connect to people. I do know I have it in me to do.. and I think well, too.. but, still, it's a challenge to the shy side of myself, I guess. And yet, I say I'm shy.. still, here I'm professing my love to you. (!) [my fingers just stumbled on typing the word 'love' and the software corrected it as 'loofa'.. my professing my 'loofa' to you] [I'm reminded of Woody Allen]

.. so, I mean.. how could this shy person be doing that, then?.. [professing her loofa to you, I mean]

.. but, maybe it is that the internet has made different sorts of communications, and subtle exchanges between people possible. I mean, I wouldn't have thought it possible for a fairly sane person to fall in love with someone she never even directly communicated with.. but.. I guess I've had to open my mind to such a possibility.

.. anyway, my love.. I have to just go back to my sense that you can be forgiving, and that all will be well in light of that fact.

.. you know, in reading this somewhat zany story of mine.. which truly is a creature of the internet, as I'd never have written it alone on my desktop.. but, in reading it again, what draws me through it is this rather charming love story it tells.. the one belonging to Agent Longing and Violet.. and I do find it moving, and compelling.. and so.. well, maybe others will too. And maybe readers will have to take in some of the other content of this tale, as uncomfortable as it may be.. in large part due to the love story being told.

.. [one inspired by you, my love]

[sigh].. [medium-sized].. [or, no, loofa sized]

.. alright. I know you'll be on the road soon.. still, I do hope to get this writing you. And I do hope you'll let me know your thoughts on it, too. I have this feeling that there is a, well, freshness and originality to it, and in that I might find a publisher.. even if some of it will have to be "blacked out," as it were. Still, that might just add to the intrigue, maybe.

.. alright, back to work. I love you, my angel.. x.. (and I do hope all is well with you..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I0_Twdpvmx4&feature
FULL SCREEN..

.. x xx. x x x..

(here's a little present for you)

[Violet]

.. how are things at "camp," my angel?

[I'll bet you never thought you'd be going to summer camp at this point in your life, my love. But it looks like a good one, at least.. I mean, with lots of arts 'n crafts 'n stuff.. so
it really doesn't seem all that bad, I don't think].. [you're lucky]

[actually, your "tech crew" would probably have been of interest to the painter, Bruegel, I would imagine].. [quite a colorful looking bunch] [oh, as per Jarkko's posted pic]

[anyway, I hope all is going well, my love] [a little extra kiss, for that.. x


.. as for me.. I am on the home stretch, as I'm now into the latest material that I posted.. so.. hopefully that will "read," as it were.

.. now some of the erotic stuff I wrote I thought was [basically] working.. but some of it.. uh.. as I think I already suggested, it needed some serious "pruning."

[my God]

.. well, at least the "raw material" was there for me to go at with my more formidable gardening tools.

[my God]

[did I say that already?]

[sigh]

.. so.. yeah. I'm feeling a bit more optimistic about those sections now.

.. I don't know, maybe I've said all this already, but what's scary about most types of writing, but erotic writing especially, is that you really can't see what you're doing after a while. I mean, sometimes you really have to let something sit for a time before you can even see what it is you've written. I'm not sure why that is, but I know that that's borne out over and over again.. so.. there must be something to it. Or, at least for me there is.

.. film editing is like that, too. You really need to walk away for a time, before you can really see what you've done.

.. but, anyway, my angel.. I'm getting closer.

.. I'd like to say I'll be done by next week, even though I sometimes fail to make my self prescribed dead lines. I mean, I'd like for it to be done sooner, in fact.. but

I don't know, I'll have to see.

.. oh. Last night I had what might be a pretty darn good idea for my "music video" that I'm now mulling over. It's a real "time saver" of an idea, too. [pretty simple] And sort of "iconic" feeling somehow. Actually, it's a bit.. daring, maybe. Well, we'll see. [I don't know if this idea's going to "stick," yet].. [but, maybe..


.. anyway, my love.. as I've just professed my "loofa" to you, I'm not too sure what I can add to that.. at this moment in time, at least.

.. (except to say that I Iove and adore you, my angel.. x

.. anyway.. here's my favorite song from the album it's on.. (so haunting sounding, the violin on it..

[later note: I just switched to a film accompaniment to this.. not sure what film this is.. but I think the part where the "love scene" is cut into it is the most effective with the music.. oh, and the empty boat being tossed about in the waves..

.. another kiss, my love.. x.. (I need to get out to our lake now if I want to see the sunset..

(oh, and have fun at camp).. (keep out of trouble).. (xx x..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x7dDufAS ... re=related
FULL SCREEN..

.. x x xx.. x xx.. xx..

[Violet]

for my teacher


I

I stopped to listen, but he did not come. I began again with a sense of loss. As
this sense deepened I heard him again. I stopped stopping and I stopped start-
ing, and I allowed myself to be crushed by ignorance. This was a strategy, and
didn't work at all. Much time, years were wasted in such a minor mode. I bar-
gain now. I offer buttons for his love. I beg for mercy. Slowly he yields. Halt-
ingly he moves toward his throne. Reluctantly the angels grant to one another
permission to sing. In a transition so delicate it cannot be marked, the court is
established on beams of golden symmetry, and once again I am a singer in the
lower choirs, born fifty years ago to raise my voice this high, and no higher.

[Leonard Cohen, Book of Mercy]


.. since I started near the end, as to writing these here, I thought to look to the very beginning.

.. how are you, my angel? I see you start your tour in exactly a month's time, and so you must really be up against it.

.. I sense your busy-ness.. as here, things are not altered.

.. I went to the dock yesterday, but it was just after the blazing orange sun.. [that was just huge, and was dipping beneath the tree line as I rode].. but it had already gone down by the time I'd gotten there, and I rode home under trees in darkness.

.. I was so upset the other night, I stayed up too late, fretting. I just can't see anything at all clearly. I had a dream, though, just yesterday, as I needed a nap at some point, as I've really not been good about getting to bed at a decent time.. so I finally had to give in, and just take an afternoon nap.. and in the dream, you were on the other end of the phone. I made you laugh, although I don't recall what I was saying.

.. anyway, I'm still working away, and at least there is that. And I've much to do once I'm done editing.. so, there is that, as well.

.. I don't know if I've written anything worth anything just now. Sometimes I think I did. And then that collapses. I'll print the whole thing out when I'm done on my desktop, and see how it reads as a hard copy.

.. I guess I feel to belong to the mood of this first passage in your Book of Mercy. I've made such bargains. I've even prayed to the angels, as it were.. [maybe thinking God too busy with things].. and I've known, and continue to know such suffering.

.. I've created a certain prison, I guess, for myself. My soul. I may have needed to. I guess I did. And I don't know what it would be to be free of it.

.. I was sensing a "grimness" about things yesterday. I can usually handle most "turns for the worse," if I have to.. but something about grimness, is almost untenable. Grim. It's the perfect word for it.

.. I guess I've been preparing myself for "losing" you, in a sense.. even though I've really never "had" you to lose. But, if I stop writing these notes to you, it will represent a kind of loss to me.. and so, I guess I've been trying to anticipate that.

.. then sometime yesterday evening.. it was similar to that morning when I'd been scolding myself for loving you.. but when I even allowed myself the fleeting possibility of knowing you, and of loving you.. then the grimness lifted.. even if just momentarily so.. enough that I saw why I was feeling so grim.

In a transition so delicate it cannot be marked, the court is established on beams
of golden symmetry..

I guess I can't know anything just now. I have to keep my head down, and work, since that's all I know to do. Artists, unfortunately, need to establish some manner of "audience" for what they do, even if it's some manner of "audience" they have within themselves.. only, the latter is very hard to please.. harder even than the former--and even when all is lost in that regard. When all was met with failure.



I don't want to be grim, or sad here. I would love to be of help to you. And so, I feel to be failing in that just now.. and so, please forgive me.

.. all will be well.. because it needs be. I am so looking forward to seeing you perform. I'm not sure I even want to see what the show is you've put together before that point, and yet, I can't think I'll be able to resist reading the "reports."


.. oh, I don't know, my love.. what does one do when everything falls away?.. all one's "strategies," as you call them?.. what does one do?

.. I guess one faces oneself. I guess one's own mercy needs to be directed towards oneself.

I'll be okay, my angel.. it's just a little rough patch, I guess. And so, I'll get back to work. I hear that bird outside.. [back to birds].. that one you often hear in the morning. That low song he sings, over and over. I don't what bird that is.. but he repeats his refrain, and it's all he knows.

.. there was one last "bird incident" that I failed to report, although I've been intending to do that. It was just after the event where the little bird had rapidly flown around me in its circle..

I was at our dock.. and saw the birds I thought were starlings.. [although I may be wrong in that, as these birds may be smaller, in fact].. but I was on our dock, and noticed a much larger bird.. and again, as I'm no "bird watcher".. [not officially, at least].. I had no idea what it was. He was grey, and much larger than most birds you see, yet smaller than a hawk, say.. but, just as I put my attention on that bird, he flew way up high into a tree that was just by the water, and in just seconds.. he.. well, he made this "torpedo" out of himself.. as he simply dropped, beak first.. again, from very high up.. which allowed gravity to take over, I guess.. as he was not flying--just dropping.. and he made this tremendous splash, as he plunged into the water. Then in just a second, he was up and flying off somewhere, no doubt with a fish in his beak. (!)

.. it was the last of these rather "dramatic" bird occurrences that were happening all in a row for a time. I was rather stunned after that. Just stood there and marveled.


.. okay, my angel.. I'll leave you now to your rehearsal.

In a transition so delicate it cannot be marked, the court is established on beams
of golden symmetry, and once again I am a singer in the lower choirs, born fifty
years ago to raise my voice this high, and no higher.

.. I think people have noticed, and maybe you've said as much yourself.. but if one looks at earlier footage of you, and one compares it to more recent coverage of your performances.. it does seem that some "weight" has been lifted off of you.. as you really do seem to enjoy to perform now, with a lightness that maybe wasn't there earlier. I do remember you "skipping" off stage, and I was so charmed by that.

.. I'll be okay, my angel..

and I send my kiss to you.. x.. (since all is well.. and you are this lovely light, that is truly a marvel to "wish upon"..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IH0_Xfxn ... re=related
FULL SCREEN..

.. xx x x.. x xx..

[Violet]

For love

[perhaps "for love" I've taken this poem back to the workshop] [I'll leave the Ryder, though]

[Violet]

.. my angel, how are you?.. how was summer camp this week?

.. I'm doing a bit better today. Okay, it's true I'm still

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5wwItkoapuA
FULL SCREEN..

.. yeah, I'm still on the ropes.. but as you can see.. try as they may, they just can't get me down.

.. actually.. TODAY.. I just finished slugging my way through this entire, uh, I'd call it a novel if I thought it was one.. but whatever it is, I finished slugging my way through the entire thing. And I really tried to streamline it, too. There was one section I'm pretty sure has to go--I mean, not an entire section, just a hunk, I'd say.

.. I was surprised, though, since I actually thought the "science" section was reading rather well. It must be all the torture I put myself through on that. Maybe it paid off. [seems like]

.. anyway, I just printed it out, and plan on reading it this weekend, and if I can streamline it some more, I will.

.. actually, tomorrow I'm heading to Connecticut[shire] to visit with family. And actually, it was on one of my sojourns there--the first time I went to that house, in fact--that I got lost while listening to Dear Heather. [just thought I'd point that out].. [and I mean, I KEPT on missing the exit. Then I'd turn around, then miss it in THAT direction.. then turn around..

[sigh]

.. anyway, I just thought I'd let you know I survived the grimness.. and that maybe, in its own zany way, what I've got here is a story of some kind. [oh, I'm back on the writing, by the way]

.. although I can't tell whether it's an absolute failure, or I'm some kind of genius. [it's gotta be one or the other, probably].. [pretty sure]

so.. yeah.

.. that's my report, really.

.. I did get out to our lake this evening, but the sky was all gloomy, and so there was no sunset at all. Just as well, as there were "humans" present just near our dock.. so.. [I've become more of a "bird" person, it seems]

.. oh, also. I was just thinking.. I mean, now that I understand more thoroughly that you have "stand up" in your background.. [somehow that really didn't sink in until I saw the "my friend ate my jacket" bit] [for some reason].. [even though I already saw the "unwanted hair" material, which I thought was just as good].. but, yeah.. I mean, I could write you some jokes, if you needed a staff writer. [and, I mean, you wouldn't have to pay me if you bombed].. [only if you were an astounding success].. [and even then, I'd probably do it for peanuts].. [or almonds, maybe]

[look, I'm just warming up]

.. but, yeah.. you could maybe do a little stand up before each of your performances on this next tour. Now, I can't guarantee I'd have specific jokes for each city you'd be doing, but the thought did cross my mind. In fact, I wiki'd Ghent just tonight, and there's lots of odd stuff about its history. There's even this--okay, here's a sample:

[wiki on Ghent]

In 1500 Juana of Castile gave birth to Charles V, who became Holy Roman Emperor and King of Spain. Although native to Ghent, he punished the city after the 1539 Revolt of Ghent and obliged the city's nobles to walk in front of the emperor barefoot with a noose (Dutch: strop) around the neck; since this incident, the people of Ghent have been called "Stroppendragers" (noose bearers).

.. I mean, don't those Ghenters sound like a barrel of laughs?

[noose bearers]

[and I thought things here were grim]

[my God]

.. anyway, my love.. I'm sure you have a great deal on your mind as it is, but just in case you needed some jokes.. [as well as some back up for your back ups for your back up singers--since that offer still stands].. [and, yes, I DO plan on doing that open mic soon].. .. [so

[++ for excellent intentions]

.. so, yeah. Jokes about Ghent. [let me know, my angel]

.. alright, I need to hit the hay, as tomorrow I will no doubt get lost yet again. [actually, as long as I skip Anyhow, I'll probably be okay]

.. so.. my little kiss to you, my angel.. x.. (and I do hope all is going well..

.. (as to this song, she really did write some nice numbers)..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nMO5Ko_77Hk
FULL SCREEN..

.. xxx x.. xx x.. xx..

[Violet]

.. my love, my angel.. how are you?

.. I just listened to your younger self read a poem from Let Us Compare Mythologies. [the poem so named, in fact] It's a book I'd like to have at this point. Actually, I'd like to have all your books.

.. anyway, it excites me that there's so much I've yet to read of yours.


.. as for my story.. I can't say I've read it all the way through yet, as I'm tweaking it as I go along.. but I rather like how it's reading.

I guess I like the world of intimacy it creates between Agent Longing and Violet, which I've been in some manner refining.. and I'm curious to read how that works as the content shifts, getting more and more "real," in a sense.. [even though such "realism" sometimes feels just as surreal as my more surreal stuff].. [as things turned out]


.. anyway, my angel.. it's been stormy all day, and I missed going on my bike ride.. which is really something of a meditation for me, in a sense.. so..

.. I do like the quality--and it maybe can happen best in more natural surroundings, I think--but when the world is somehow an extension--or expression of the deeper psyche. I suppose that sense of things started coming about as I started doing the same bike ride, over and over again.. [usually at sunset].. and with you most often on my mind, as well.

.. the same thing seemed to be happening as I wrote of Violet and Agent Longing, since I started noticing that they weren't getting anywhere, geographically speaking.. and so, it became this "endless sunset" that they were consigned to until something "shifted" somehow.

.. anyway, now I feel things are shifting. The summer doldrums have certainly descended upon this place, in particular.. even as I imagine you, yourself, being extremely busy in preparing for your tour.

.. speaking of.. I don't have any Ghent jokes yet.

.. well, just the beginning of one. [you know this means I'll tell it to you] [I mean, you must realize this about me, by now].. so, here goes:


.. okay, so.. two Stroppendragers are at a bar.

[a few giggles already].. [I'm impressed]

.. they're drinking Belgium beer [most likely]--oh, since they're in Ghent [obviously].. [being Stroppendragers, that is].. and

one says to the other--oh, but before he does, he removes the end of the noose [he's got around his neck] from his Belgium beer

[loud guffaw].. [very impressed]

then he throws that end of the noose.. [which is wet now with Belgium beer].. over his shoulder, where it won't fall into his beer again--that is, unless he starts sulking into his Belgium beer too much--causing him to hunch over, in other words--and, I mean, there goes the noose again.

.. of course, being a native of Ghent, such gloominess is not so easily avoided, so..

let's just say there are a lot of Belgium beer-soaked nooses around. And, I mean, if you think there's nothing sadder than a sad drunk, try a sad, drunk Stroppendrager, with his noose all wet with Belgium beer. I mean, talk about sad.

so, anyway, he says to his friend..


[end: beginning of Ghent joke] [or bit, I guess]

[I'd like to work Emperor Charles V in, if I could].. [need to mull a bit more]

.. so.. yeah. Ghent jokes.

.. my love, I didn't realize you'd be doing five whole gigs in Ghent, with one being an ALL DAY situation?? [that can't be right.. is it a festival or something??].. [hmm..

[I'll see if I can finish this bit, at least].. [looks like you might need it..

[my poor angel]


.. actually, I'm seeing some sort of black comedy now:

MY FIVE DAYS IN GHENT


.. yeah.. so.

alright, my beloved.. I love you, and miss you.. and hope all is going wonderfully well, preparation wise.. (several kisses for that.. x xxx) .. (and that one special one.. x

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=95AxVxN5 ... vwrel&NR=1
FULL SCREEN..

.. xx x.. x xxx..

[I just added some visuals to that song..

[Violet]

for

there'd be only skies that
take me
unawares (as would
your eyes)

there have been days and days

not the way
the hemlock bowed, as if
in awe of me. as if

I were some princess passing. as if
the world had its
best gloves
on

worn special for Sundays. or on a whim, as if
I were a child

pretending. (pretending
you were

mine)


and in the din of city streets, a glance
as from
a passerby

for in this I count

"as if"

that time of day

that small bird circling 'round
me

the most delicate
.. of

..... clouds.. (as if
.............lit by

Vermeer)

all I count
.. and
keep... in my tiny book
of
small
.. fallen

leaves, and
purple
… flowers

and tender
. poems… for all

that fall

.. like
............. moments

.................. (that cause me

.... your
........perfection)


x

[Violet]

.. Leonard, my love, how are you?

.. I'm still plugging away at my edit on this thing, but it's coming along. I still like it so far.. [so hopefully that's a good sign]

.. actually, on my ride around our lake this evening, I worked out the rest of my Ghent bit.. [let me see if I can now reconstruct it for you]

but first.. to refresh our memories [as of two posts ago]..

.. okay, so.. two Stroppendragers are at a bar.

[a few giggles already].. [I'm impressed]

.. they're drinking Belgium beer [most likely]--oh, since they're in Ghent [obviously].. [being Stroppendragers, that is].. and

one says to the other--oh, but before he does, he removes the end of the noose [he's got around his neck] from his Belgium beer

[loud guffaw].. [very impressed]

then he throws that end of the noose.. [which is wet now with Belgium beer].. over his shoulder, where it won't fall into his beer again--that is, unless he starts sulking into his Belgium beer too much--causing him to hunch over, in other words--and, I mean, there goes the noose again.

.. of course, being a native of Ghent, such gloominess is not so easily avoided, so..

let's just say there are a lot of Belgium beer-soaked nooses around. And, I mean, if you think there's nothing sadder than a sad drunk, try a sad, drunk Stroppendrager, with his noose all wet with Belgium beer. I mean, talk about sad.

so, anyway, he says to his friend..


[end: beginning of Ghent joke] [or bit, I guess]

[I'd like to work Emperor Charles V in, if I could].. [need to mull a bit more]

.. yeah, so.. the two, sad, drunk Stroppendragers.. [one with his noose all wet with Belgium beer].. were just sitting there, sulking a while, when the wet-noosed one says:

[wet-noosed one]: .. so, how 'bout that Charles V, huh?

[I told you I'd work in Charles V]

.. oh, and the dry-noosed one says:

[dry-noosed one]: .. what about him?

[wet-noosed one]: .. oh, I don't know.

.. at this, the wet-noosed one hunkers down a bit, and starts to sulk again.. and so, of course, there goes the noose again, into his Belgium beer. So, he takes it out of his beer, and throws it over his shoulder, only he throws it too hard this time, and it swings all the way around his neck--thus, spraying the dry-noosed Stroppendrager, before it lands back in his beer again. He then gives a sulky sigh, once again taking the noose out of his beer, and throwing it over his shoulder--only, this time with less "enthusiasm".. [a word, by the way, that's spoken in English, since (of course) there is no Flemish (or what-ever-the-language-is-they-speak-in-Ghent) equivalent]

.. anyway, so

[dry noose]: .. hey, watch what you're doing there. You're getting me all wet. [notice, too, that in Ghent, they have no use for exclamation points, since they fell completely out of use] [oh, after the reign of Charles V] [obviously]

.. anyway..

[wet noose]: .. sorry about that, d.n. [he means about getting him all wet with his Belgium beer soaked noose]

.. by the way.. [he continues].. how 'come you don't have this problem?

[dry noose]: What problem?

[wet noose]: Well, I've been watching you for quite a few years now, and I've never noticed your noose slipping down into your Belgium beer. Just how do you manage it?

[dry noose]: Oh, that. Easy. I use velcro.

[he shows him the velcro on his back, which keeps the end of the noose from slipping]

[wet noose] [rather aghast]: You mean to say there are no city ordinances or anything against your doing that???

[dry noose]: Well, yes, but, who's even going to notice? I mean, you've been drinking your Belgium beer right next to me for the last five years or so, and you, yourself, never even noticed.

[wet noose]: God, d.n., I'd hate to be in your shoes if you're wrong about this.

CUT TO:

.. WE SEE the dry-noosed Stroppendrager in a long white shirt and five nooses around his neck being paraded through the streets of Ghent, as crowds line the streets, all of them tossing their Belgium beer at him while busily making bets on hitting one or more of his five nooses. [the film equivalent to this, by the way, is Five Easy Pieces] [if it were shot in Ghent, that is].. [oh, and if Jack Nicholson's character wore five nooses around his neck] [obviously]

.. so, anyway.. finally.. the dry-noosed one is led around St. Peter's Square.. [five times].. after which he is set to be flogged [five times that amount] by some descendent or other of Charles the V--oh, that's right: Young Charles XXV, known as Chip the Mad [given he takes after Charles V's mother, Joanna the Mad, although not [unfortunately] the father, Philip the Handsome] [them's the breaks] [which actually is a Flemish expression] [it turns out]

MORAL OF THE DRY-STROPPENDRAGER STORY:

.. so, after being shred of all human decency, and forced to wear the five nooses for twenty-five more years--oh, in the tradition of Charles V.. [who was a real hard ass, truth be told].. it happened that the Duke of Velcro approached "Stroppendrager the Dry".. [as he was now called].. with a very good idea for an ad campaign lauding the use of velcro as a means of stopping escalating dry cleaning costs due to the collateral damage caused by Belgium beer soaked nooses.. [especially when sitting at a bar with an unusually enthusiastic Stroppendrager] [the recent prevalence of which is actually the latest scandal of Ghent] [yeah, with headlines now reading: How Do You Solve a Problem Like--or, no. That's The Sound of Mus--oh, which is Austria.. [that's right]..

.. anyway, the point is.. things went unusually well for Stroppendrager the Dry, even if.. [for his own protection].. he was forced to live in the Duke's medieval fortress, and have his basic human needs ignored most of the time.. [given how forgetful Dukes are].. but, the point is--actually, just what is m---

oh. That this is an EXTREMELY happy ending--for Ghent, I mean. After all, it's a city that has the noose as its "informal" symbol. [yeah: "informal"]

.. [yeah, how about an "informal" invitation to the gallows?? How would that be?.. is that informal enough for you?]

.. I'm kidding, of course, since in Ghent you are allowed to wear a T-shirt and shorts. [as long as you understand that you're to be hung at the end of the evening]

[my God.. what a cheery lot]


END: Ghent comic bit

.. alright, my love.. I guess that about wraps things up for now. [it took a bit more embellishing than I'd initially planned]

.. gosh, I'm wondering just what sort of youtube link would follow this..

.. anyway, first.. my tender kiss good-night, my angel.. x.. (I do hope all is well)

(I miss you)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yYvyh3IIdDk
FULL SCREEN..

.. xx x.. xx x..

later edit: just moseying around here today, and fixed a typo.

[Violet]

.. my love, how are you?.. I imagine you're in the thick of it, preparing for the tour.

[I can't wait]

.. as for me, I have out my ruthless red pen, and am REALLY trying to cut this writing down to size, and find the "story" in and amid all these anecdotes and facts I have assembled.

this is hard work, but I feel I'm vastly improving the second half of this thing in doing this.

I know that editing is responsible for.. well, for taking writing from something almost nondescript--such as Raymond Carver's writing, if his first short stories.. [the ones he would be become famous for].. weren't made so spare, and exacting, and precise due to the keen eye and ear [and ruthless red pen] of his gifted editor, whose contribution can't be separated from Carver's subsequent success. [I guess I should look up his name again, then] [seems like]

.. I read this is true of Eliot's The Waste Land, as well.. which Ezra Pound apparently "sculpted" with his ruthless red pen. [no wonder it's dedicated to him]

.. of course, I have to play writer and editor here.. [since I don't have a gifted editor on hand].. and it's not all that easy with this particular piece of writing. I mean, this is new to me.. trying to find the story in and amid all this "information."

.. of course, I know those sections when the writing starts to "sing".. and I do hope I can get most of it to at least approach that--that's my goal, at least.

.. so, that's where things are, at present. And I'm annoyed, once again, that this is taking so long. I want to move on with other things. I also want to see if I can get a copy of this to you.. I mean, a copy that I can feel fairly good about.. so

[bleh]


.. anyway, on the Ghent front, it's occurred to me that "hanging someone out to dry" would have an even darker connotation, then.. [as an expression, I mean]

.. as would "hung over"

[as in the crowds below.. jeering]

[rotten Ghenters]

.. [anyway, just get out of there safely, my angel] [that's all I ask]

.. oh, actually.. in solidarity with you as to your first tour destination, I have donned a noose.. which.. [as I don't drink beer that often].. is actually becoming [rather fashionably] tea stained. [yeah, it keeps falling into my tea] [which I drink hot, even when the weather is hot, actually]

.. but, yeah. The blasted thing's a royal pain in the charles-the-fifth. [thought I'd further tarnish his name] [while I'm at it]

.. oh, also.. in addition to a sad drunk.. and a sad, drunk Stroppendrager.. [with his noose all wet with Belgium beer].. I'd add that

.. there's nothing sadder than a sad sober Stroppendrager, up top her "If Only" Mountain.. [yeah, I changed it again].. with her noose all wet with Liptons. [now that's sad]


.. okay.. well.. onward and upward, I guess. And..

well, even if things are bound to change at some point.. for now, you're most always on my mind. Not just because of Agent Longing. It's just how things are right now..

[sigh]

.. oh, and I feel you to be far away from me now, when I'm on my bike ride. So, that's changed. There are even times when I think I'm finally turning the corner on things--I mean, I'm finally accepting that you are there, in your world.. and I'm here, in mine.. [even if I do have a noose around my neck]

.. but then I'll have a morning like two mornings ago, when suddenly I'm beside myself with wanting you.. and

well, I can't say that that's such a terrible feeling. I mean, it's actually rather wonderful to feel that way about someone, as difficult as it is, too. But, I can't say I regret it.

.. so

that's how things are with me, my love. Tomorrow I'm to meet a friend in Gotham, and the weather is supposed to be much cooler, and rainy.. and already I imagine it being romantic--I mean, to be thinking of you.. while in the rain.

.. (all my love to you, my angel.. x)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7iVjcMDP ... re=related
FULL SCREEN..

.. xx x.. xx..

[Violet]

.. my angel, how are you today?

.. actually, I couldn't sleep last night, and was up 'til 2. a.m. writing you a post that I then thought was too much of a downer, so I decided not to post it. I mean, here you are getting all geared up for you tour, and, what--I'm crying the blues to you??

.. so.. no.. (that just won't do).. (and yes, I miss you--terribly, my angel).. (but that should go without saying, at this point)

anyway, I feel I'm honing in on finishing the writing at this point.. so, making some progress there.

oh, and.. [in case you need more material].. [I mean you'll be there for quite a stint.. so


Q: how many Stroppendragers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Three:

one to screw in the light bulb;

one to hold back the noose as he's screwing in the light bulb;

and one to read Charles V's Ordinance of Ghent that decrees:

One Should Not Get Too Big for One's Belgium Britches, an Infringement on Standard Moral Conduct, Punishable by:

_______________________________________________________________________________.

[if you guessed "Being Hung by the Neck Until Dead," you would be correct] [that's three guilders (okay: Belgium francs) and a Belgium beer--oh, and a brand new beer-resistant noose] [but be careful with that as it's against city ordinances, and you saw what happened to that other fellow, so--watch it] [just don't blab about it, in other words words.. keep it close to the vest--your new noose, I mean.. as you continue to quietly sulk into your Belgium beer] [cutting out any and all "enthusiasm," of course--which also incurs harsh penalties].. [as of that last post on this, I mean].. [there are new ordinances, even..

[and, I mean, you saw how embarrassing and inconvenient all that was.. so

[sigh]

.. yeah.. so. Charles V.

[really was a hard ass]

.. oh, here's my favorite wiki quote on him:

Though always at war, Charles was essentially a lover of peace…

[love that one]

.. so.. yeah. Charles V.



.. actually, my love.. here's a section of my post from last night.. (to end on a more romantic note)..


.. I took the train in yesterday, my angel.. and given it was past rush hour it was fairly empty.. and I had the last sections of writing on my lap, which I was reading with my red pen out.

.. then I'd look up for a while, at the passing trees and scenery..

.. and I thought of you being just beside me. I thought of kissing you, just as if you were there.

.. I suppose it was like the dream in the plane when we kissed. Travelers.

.. actually, I just looked through some old poems of mine. I found this in a file called "outtakes".. meaning this isn't the finished poem, I don't think.. but it caught me, nonetheless.

I send it to you, my angel.. x.. and then to bed.. (tomorrow will be better, I'm sure)



[(dissolving e.e. cummings)]

nothing, not even the rain, has such small hands


Folding unfolding spring's secret scent of rose, with

hand as sweet and nearly closed, enclosed

in his;

tempered by thoughts of losing him, though

smaller, even than the rain.


tempered by thoughts of loss, if not

the rain, then always keep me

thus.


for even the rain, he said

could not compare


the smallest of hands

like one lost line

all held lost to that most fine

(please always keep me thus)

one. lost. line.

(please always keep me thus)


x


.. oh, here's this song again.. [the "problem" of Maria thus solved..

(be well, my love--like everyone else here, I'm just so excited to see the results of what you've been up to these past weeks).. (some extra kisses for that.. x xx..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RNdl-HIkDqQ
FULL SCREEN..

.. xx x.. x x.. xx..

Vermeer:
much later edit: excised a line from the poem.