an unfinished poem

[Lazysuit]

Ok. I'm a bit nervous about uploading this, but i'm reading loads of poems here and there's two thing going on - one is that i don't want to keep leaving comments on others poems without sharing a few of mine. And the other is that there's some pretty good writers here. This is a poem I could never finish. True leonard style it's taken about five years to get this far with it!!

If anyone wants to offer further verses please do....

'Bask in shallow water
Or the Saturn spat reflection
I cannot sink, I cannot swim.
Backwater garden
Earth dries and hardens
I could sleep the questioning.

Angel falls to earth he calls me
Ask me am i willing
To follow blind and follow deep?
I don't know him but he knows me
From a time before begining
He's blinding light and Heaven sweet.

I ask his name
He says it's Satan
He's been watching while I weep.
He offers nothing
And it's so tempting
He almost sing what he don't speak.

He's strong like bison
His child like reason
He keeps repeating till I don't break
-Pretends he's leaving
That it means nothing
But I know well how he can wait...'

PS I want to say scathing, banal and humourous critisism is more than welcome...

thanks.

[Violet]

Ok. I'm a bit nervous about uploading this, but i'm reading loads of poems here and there's two thing going on - one is that i don't want to keep leaving comments on others poems without sharing a few of mine. And the other is that there's some pretty good writers here. This is a poem I could never finish. True leonard style it's taken about five years to get this far with it!!

If anyone wants to offer further verses please do....

'Bask in shallow water
Or the Saturn spat reflection
I cannot sink, I cannot swim.
Backwater garden
Earth dries and hardens
I could sleep the questioning.

Angel falls to earth he calls me
Ask me am i willing
To follow blind and follow deep?
I don't know him but he knows me
From a time before begining
He's blinding light and Heaven sweet.

I ask his name
He says it's Satan
He's been watching while I weep.
He offers nothing
And it's so tempting
He almost sing what he don't speak.

He's strong like bison
His child like reason
He keeps repeating till I don't break
-Pretends he's leaving
That it means nothing
But I know well how he can wait...'

PS I want to say scathing, banal and humourous critisism is more than welcome...

thanks.

.. actually, content wise: I think the devil should go to the devil. That's my considered take on this whole thing. [I've given it quite a bit of thought, actually]

[fishfishquaileye]

Bison in shallow water
wearing a pink bathing-suit
He has to sink, cos he's so bloody fat
water my hard-on
large fries and lardon
I could question the sleeping.

Angela falls to earth, she calls me
Ask me am I grilling?
To follow the fries deep-fried?
I don't know me but I know her
Angela The Bison
She's not bloody light and eats heavy sweets.

I ask his name
He says it's Barry
He's been watching while I laugh.
With my Uncle Harry
And now I'm temping
I type what he don't speak.

He's strong like banal
He's childlike anal
He keeps eating still humus breakfast
-Pretends he's scathing
That means it's too hot for bathing
But I know well how much he weight...'

WELCOME, WELCOME LAZYSUIT, I LIKE YOUR ATTITUDE. LIZZY WILL GREET YOU SOON, YOU'LL LIKE HER PLATITUDE

[Lazysuit]

Hey fish, thanks for the lysergic addition, and it's only May, how do you do it?

I don't know why but I particularly like the 'I could question the sleeping'. There is no reason why that line should be funny but somehow it is.

And Violet, thanks for thinking about this, hope it's gone now!!

x

[Violet]

.. oh, he's gone. [I mean, except when it comes to my occasional devil-may-care attitude, that is].. [that really rubs him the wrong way, for some reason]

[Karren B]

Oooh violet stop rubbing people the wrong way, it causes friction!
xx

Did you know red wine is an anaesthetic or is that an antisceptic??????????????? Ahhh who cares!

[Violet]

.. hi Karren.. I can only imagine why you've brought up red wine. [you wouldn't be drinking now, would you?].. [as for me, I'm on my second chocolate break of the afternoon].. [the hard stuff].. [85%].. [but, I am getting work done, at least.. although, I must admit: the devil's in the details]

[I'm realizing he's got a monopoly on figures of speech, along with everything else].. [what did they ever do to him, I wonder?]


hope all is well with with you, k..

v. xx x

[Karren B]

Moi...Drinking???.... Never!

Oooooh Chocolate....Mmmmmmme love chocolate.

Now who are you rubbing up the wrong way?...And who is this lazy suit (left out the word that we would all like to call him)....Ok...have to admit I have beemnn (someone keeps moving the keyboard) partaking in a little grape juice!)...

Bad day v.

xx (was going to put 4 kisses but am limited to 2)

[Violet]

.. oh, poor Karren.

.. I've actually had such a stress-filled few days that today, finally, I feel a bit relieved. If I could join you for a drink over in Britland right now, that would suit me just fine.

[sigh]

.. as for Lazysuit.. your guess is as good as mine.. [and I do mean that]

.. as for who the devil I'm rubbing the wrong way.. [I believe that's a clue]

[k.. remember to eat that cucumber tonight before you pass ou--I mean, before you go to sleep]

[feel better.. xx]