Daddy's Little Princess.

[Violet]

later note: I'm passing through here, looking for a poem of mine, and I've removed this material on the Kelley Lynch harassment case, in which I spoke of psychopathy in relation to her behavior.

It's interesting enough, but I'm somehow wanting to remove it nonetheless.

.. in any event, it's touched on again below.

[imaginary friend]

Violet wrote:
I felt so.. I don't know.. "abused" by this person.. this person I barely know anything about.. but I.. I just couldn't imagine someone behaving this way toward you.. regardless of whatever personal issues may have existed.

Hello V.,

I avoided posting this on the other Kelley thread(s), because I felt it would be somehow disrespectful to Leonard. It seems to me, that many of the most horrific abusers are those who themselves were abused. And what of their abuser? Was the abuser of the abuser also abused? As Fishie would say, who can say?

There is also deep, unredeemable evil and cruelty out there... the Nazi SS could never all claim to have been abused. I don't know which category (if either) Kelley Lynch belongs in, but she exists in a very dark place, that's for sure.

[Violet]

Hi I.F..

I think what's frightening to contemplate is that that individual categorized as a "psychopath" might break the mold of the more accepted idea of an abusive person as being an individual who's raised in an abusive household, with that being the reason for their acting this out later in life.

.. interestingly.. [to those of you who were Tony Soprano fans].. but the therapist, at the end of the series, drew on those in the profession who came to believe that psychopaths were not treatable, and in fact even "learned" things in therapy that they then were able to use on their victims. And so, the therapist character.. [I'm forgetting her name now].. oh, Dr. Melfi.. but, for this reason, she stopped treating her mob boss patient.

[hope all is well with you, I.F.]

v. x x

[Violet]

.. my love.. my angel.. (my Absolute Divine).. how are you?

.. remember I said I needed to work on this last section of the writing?.. so

I don't know, I opened up this truly wildly remarkable can of worms that I knew nothing about, but I found some data today that was rather mind blowing, if true.. and my sense is it's true. Anyway, it's helping me put some additional pieces together. I really don't want to get too much into this area in this first part of the story. I believe the second part will deal with more scientific/technological data.. but I'm really not versed in either, so it's starting from scratch for me with all this.. and so, as usual, it entails cross-referencing of sources until you think you have a good idea as to what might, in fact, be factual.. oh, and, in science, I really have to--I don't know.. I wish I were versed in physics.. or even engineering.. but.. as long as I find good sources to in some manner explain things, I guess that's going to have to do. I'm doubtful I could make sense of straight theoretical physics, for example, at this point. [pretty sure].. [probably a safe bet]

.. anyway, I'm still hoping I can make my deadline for posting this at the end of next week. [I'll see]


.. as per some of my research.. it's interesting to note how what drives technology in a lot of cases is on the private end of things--as opposed to the government.. with the government as "client." Power, in other words, really does lie outside the government, which is in that sense beholden to such entities. Nothing new in that, I guess.. still, I've been reading some things that add a new and frightening dimension to this somehow.

.. rather in this vein.. I just read how President Eisenhower was trying to ascertain the scope of the U.S. nuclear arsenal, and was barred from such information for two whole years. [yeah: the president was] When he finally learned that we had enough nuclear weapons to blow up half the planet he was actually quite upset about this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8y06NSBBRtY
FULL SCREEN..

.. of course, Eisenhower did allow Operation Paperclip to proceed.. [you remember: that post-WWII covert-op that brought hundreds of Nazi scientists into the U.S. by cleaning up their personal histories].. still, Eisenhower's issuing this warning to the American public as to the inordinate power of the U.S. Military Industrial Complex is sobering.

.. oh, and a similar warning was repeated by Kennedy, as well:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xhZk8ronces
FULL SCREEN..

.. I've heard this speech before, and it causes me to tear up each time I hear it, as it reminds me of just what was lost during that period I've been in some manner studying through writing this story of mine.

.. as to now, one doesn't necessarily "see" such conspiracy that Kennedy is here warning of.. because we exist in its aftermath; we take its precepts for granted; we accede to that Official Culture that is ordained as true.. with anyone daring to question such "truth".. well, you know the drill. [and yet, we largely accept that verdict, lest we be ridiculed]

.. but, I say phooey.

.. even adding that to try and discern such discredited knowledge is to arm oneself.. and may even open up possibilities that we, in our ignorance, have yet to even remotely imagine.

[that's what I say]


.. anyway, my love.. you're always with me somehow. I miss you, and.. I don't know what else to say about it.

.. I did go to our lake yesterday.. and the sun's reflection on the water was once again just so blindingly bright.. and I stopped again, just to try and gaze upon its brightness.

.. a ways down the road, there's another type of clearing.. and from there I saw a small, aqua-colored rowboat being bounced about in the middle of the choppy lake--given it was quite windy.. and as I was looking out at that, there was this wonderful sound of a heavy brass bell--it had three sides, like a three-sided pyramid.. and was hanging from a branch between the lake and the road. It was really being tossed about in the wind, even with its being as heavy as it was.. and.. I don't know.. its sound had me thinking of the Himalayas.. Tibet, or Nepal.. and

well, I thought to suggest we head in that direction after you're done with your tour. [??]

[my heart is terribly fanciful, I know]

[still, I'm game, if you are]

.. so.. yeah. That timeless dimension of Tibetan brass bells.


(I love you, my angel.. x)..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3hncJzoA ... re=related
FULL SCREEN..

.. xx xx xx. xx xx ..

[Violet]

.. my angel.. just a little Sunday note.. (I hope all is well with you today)

.. okay, so.. last night as I was preparing a salad this "harassment" issue was running through my mind, still. Now, the following is not to make light of it or anything, as, in fact, the reason for this happening is that I was/am so very upset about this situation.

.. so.. I was washing some lettuce, thinking to myself: this is just unacceptable this whole thing, when: FLASH.. this idea popped into my head.. [and without any irony, either.. I mean, my mind really just produced this idea as a potential solution].. but, yeah

I thought I should challenge this person to a.. well, a

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kb3jBVYDtsU
FULL SCREEN..

.. yeah, it seemed like the "honorable" thing to do. And it would have to be a woman to do this, after all.. to make things "even Steven".. so

.. of course, I'm fairly certain this is not the best solution to this.. [I'd need to find myself a frilly white shirt, for one thing].. although I did notice in my subsequent "wiki" search that the ban on dueling in the state of California was repealed in 1994. Then again, one is still taking one's chances with getting a murder rap, so.. it's not like this really helps all that much, I don't think.

.. so.. yeah.. just thought I'd let you know, my love.. [it seems my psyche is working on this one 24/7]

.. my love to you, my beloved.. x

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s71LgEFSbcc
FULL SCREEN..

.. xx xx.. x x x..

[Violet]

.. my love, my angel.. how are you? I woke up very early this morning, and was all tearful feeling, and missing you. (I send you an early kiss.. x)

.. so, I'm still in the trenches with this section of writing. My problem at the moment is lack of data, and I probably won't amend that until the future, so I really have to try and make do with what I have, at present. For Part I, I mean.

.. yeah, so. Anyway, the good part still is that I'm nearing completion.

.. tomorrow I'm heading into Gotham, and will see my therapist for the first time in a very long while. You know, my beloved, I once recommended she buy your Essentials CD, and she later told me that she listens to it before meeting with me, just to get her in the right head space. [!?].. (actually, I can't help but take that as a compliment).. (I sort of hope you can too)


.. actually, I came across this today on youtube. I've never seen your song with images from Dreyer's film.. and then it occurred to me that the valiant Joan was maybe a good follow-up to that dueling idea.. [which I'm still mulling over, by the way].. [even though I fear there are some pretty serious flaws with this whole thing].. [still..

(I love you, my angel.. x)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L3EMjptFA9c&feature=fvs
FULL SCREEN..

.. x x xx .. x xxx .. xx x..

[Violet]

.. my angel, how are you?

.. I'm pretty wiped out, in part given I'm still honing in on "completion." [finally] Actually, I tried really really hard to call my story "done" today, but I'm not quite there yet. But, I so wanted to come here tonight and say: ta-da, it's finished. But not quite. Almost.

[sound effect: ta-da: it's not quite finished].. [then she accidentally bumps into the cymbals]

.. my therapist.. [meanwhile].. told me yesterday I looked beautiful, and that country living really seems to be suiting me. [people who haven't seen me in a while are saying similar things, it seems] I do notice that--although I still miss it sometimes--but I'm no longer used to the city. It feels a bit jarring after being among nothing but trees 'n birds 'n things for so many months. Speaking of.. I miss riding out to our lake. I should have gone today, but I was too wrapped up in writing.. so.. couldn't pull myself away in time, my love.. and it's been days now. Still, it's been cold and damp, with barely any sun.. so, I really need to just force myself out there. [hopefully tomorrow, rain or shine]

.. my therapist also thinks I'm doing a lot better overall. [??] And yet: going to therapy, especially after quite a number of months of not going, can stir things up.. and so I've had something of an emotional day today. It's not sadness.. more like frustration. Oh, and I guess it's this matter of one's "wounds".. longstanding as they often are. And I was also thinking again about this harassment case.. and how we're all feeling a bit wounded here by that.. and it has me feeling sad, too, that you've had this on your plate for so long. It hurts just to think of that. [my angel]

.. oh, my therapist is going to buy Old Ideas she said. [maybe she'll now listen to that CD before seeing me].. [I wonder what she'll think of Anyhow].. [I'll see if I can get her overall "review"].. [oh, and I forgot, once again, to ask her for a new Yiddish word].. [actually, what's the Yiddish word for "Anyhow?"]

[sound effect: Yiddish word for "Anyhow"]


.. any--way.. [my beloved].. I'm terribly tired, but as I said, terribly close to finishing this thing finally. Other than that, everything feels to be a blank just at this moment. It must be the tiredness.

.. oh, I love this pic of you, by the way.. [it's been a while since I've posted one].. [I've messed around with it a bit, to give it more of a "nostalgic look"]

.. alright, my beloved.. it's time I hit the hay. Geoffrey brought up David Lynch recently.. [at least by association].. and since I'm up here on Two Scoops Mountain.. [okay, that's Triple Scoops, and chocolate, my love].. [lest you forget].. [although I still have just two breasts].. [just to be clear].. [with the addition of some chocolate ice cream optional, although that could be a bit cold].. [then again, on a hot day..

.. okay, I send you a very passionate kiss, my love.. x.. (especially inspired by this terribly handsome picture).. (and I hope to dream sweet dreams just of you, my angel)

(and yes, I miss you)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Db5ZhxM8 ... re=related
FULL SCREEN..

.. x xxx .. xx xx .. xx x..

[Violet]

.. Leonard, my love.. and all those here..

.. I just received a rather interesting if troubling phone call this morning from the person I know in Goa, India.

.. I don't have a lot of information to offer just at this time. There's something I should put in my story today that might help explain some of it, but unfortunately, the research I am planning on doing for Part II may be having its "ramifications" before I can even write it.

.. now, I'm not an "end of the millennium" doomsday type person. I'm not a fear monger, or anything like that. If my work has taken me to some dark places, it's to better see the challenges we're all facing, as opposed to keeping one's head in the sand.

.. still, I'm troubled because there is the chance that we are to see some very difficult times here on this planet--and soon. I had mentioned in my story this "comet cluster" that some scientists believe is heading this way.. [the one with a 3,600 year orbit].. but there are other ways the planet might soon be effected, as well.

.. I guess I'm writing this note this morning just to say.. well, what if we were to lose all power?.. I mean, what if all communication as we know it on this planet were no longer possible?.. and what if the power we rely on to live is no longer available to us?

.. I can only think that we need to think of those we know who have land, who have farms, wells.. all forms of "sustainable" living options, in other words.

.. I'm suggesting we all calmly consider what such options might be.

.. anyway, I'll get back to work.. and, again, I don't mean to alarm anyone. Oh, the call from Goa.. well

what's been interesting is that I did some research.. [the stuff I've been meaning to get back to].. but it in many ways conforms with what this guru person in India, who I indirectly know about.. but his information, as per his spiritual meditation, etc.. is linking up with this other research. This guru person is scientific minded, as is this other source, which doesn't at all preclude the metaphysical, as the two go hand in hand.

.. I'm sorry to be so "general" with this. I will write more on this, as I can. As I do more research.

.. but.. my concern right now, is.. well, as I indicated.. there could be major shifts happening fairly soon. There's the human element in all this, as well.. [as always].. and things could take a turn for the worse in the Middle East, for example, which will have very serious ramifications for us all.

I'm feeling like a soothsayer now, and that's not at all what this is. These are aspects that have been in the works for a long time now.


.. anyway, my love.. I'm a bit troubled by such things, since I don't feel prepared should things take a turn for the worse. And I don't think anyone I know is terribly prepared, either. And, you know, my angel.. should there be this major loss of power.. as could happen for any number of reasons.. then, well

well, just know that I love you, my angel..

.. and my love goes out to all of you here.

.. and I'm hoping for the best, of course.. but suggesting we really do look at things from this "sustainable" perspective, since, unfortunately, we may need to.

.. oh, and I SHOULD do that meditation/breathing thing I've been meaning to start. Leonard, you are in touch with Roshi, and therefore a community of people that might have some reference for

for just what, I'm not sure. But, it seems that part of preparedness can also be aided through meditation. Oh, also:

if anything catastrophic were to happen, or start happening.. now, I know this sounds difficult, but

don't panic. The very best thing you can do is to try and remain calm, even if nothing is calm around you. I feel strange saying any of this, actually.. but

well, consider that the world is comprised of lightness and darkness

consider there are those elements of light.. spiritual beings, even.. however you care to "divine" them.. but consider we are not alone. In meditation we can draw to us the good elements around us. In that way we can help ourselves, and each other, even. Leonard, I know you've spoken of the love you've felt through meditation. Perhaps that speaks to what I'm saying.

I would even go further to suggest that such "light" elements seek to help those of us who are seeking such light. And, again, it's through calmness, and stillness, that we can become aware of such things. But also.. and without panicking.. it's to look to concrete, on-the-ground preparedness. Start with what you can manage. And if you feel you are stressing out about things.. do as I probably need to do.. [like right now].. and sit for a while, focusing on your breathing. We can only do what we are able to do. Panicking, and hoarding, and mayhem.. is not going to save the day. That speaks of "darkness." And in that, the darkness wins.

.. so, it's the twin virtues of calm, on-the-ground preparedness.. and staying with the light.. with those forces that seek to help us.

it is in love that we are made, in love we disappear


.. actually, I'm being sent some scientific data today from a Russian scientist, of all things. I'll see what it says. It's being sent to me through this Goa person, and is supposed to be relevant what I'm saying here.

.. my love.. I didn't quite know what I was doing when I first came here.. to this Forum, I mean. I know I was in a lot of pain, more than I even realized.. but, somehow, in being here.. in being close to you and others through being here.. it's been healing to me, and hopefully to others, too.. in that I've tried to share what I've been going through in various ways.. ways that maybe others can relate to.

.. anyway, I guess I need to get back to work, and try to calm myself a bit. I feel all teary, and I do hope I'll speak with you soon.

.. my love to you, my angel.. x.. and to all here.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxyqhyhSEXc
FULL SCREEN..

.. x xxx .. x xxx .xxx..xx..

[Violet]

.. my love.. this has been one lousy day. [how are you, by the way?]

.. starting with the call at six in the morning from India informing me that we could be in big trouble on this planet, and soon. [thus, that last post]

.. oh, and I didn't sleep all that well, and could have used a few more hours, but no.

.. anyway, I really just wanted to complain about one thing in particular.. [you know, aside from imminent planetary crisis stuff]:

saliva tests.

.. have you ever had to do a saliva test?.. have you ever had to spit saliva into a little plastic tube??.. [and a considerable amount too].. four times in one day, timing it exactly.. not eating or drinking for an hour in advance each time.. remembering not to wear lipstick.. then freezing the tubes of saliva, but not too long, since you need to send it in its biohazard bag the very next day or I'm not sure what happens to it..

do you know how many of these tests I've tried to do correctly, and failed at? Do you know how many saliva test kits my doctor's office has had to mail to me?

I am now on number three, or four.

the one today was from a different company, and I thought it would have the same "saliva collecting" rules, only it didn't.. and I only realized this AFTER I did the spitting part.. so, I did it wrong: AGAIN.

I honestly don't think I can spit into a little plastic tube ever again. I honestly don't think I can.

.. what is cortisol, anyway?.. [I remember I once asked that about cream of tartar, and kissy k. knew].. [she'll probably know what cortisol is, too].. [most likely].. but, does it really matter if my cortisol level is off?.. does it??.. couldn't I just skip this for now?

I just can't spit anymore. I can't. I won't. I refuse to spit anymore.

oh, also: .. [one last complaint, and I'll put an end to this lousy lousy day].. now, I seem to have some sort of mental allergic reaction to health insurance forms. I see one, and I feel sort of sick inside, and my mind turns into a fuzzy cloud. Now, I find I can peer into the deepest, darkest, scariest regions of humankind, but I am rendered entirely powerless before one lousy health insurance form. Oh, and now my company is sending me checks in my name for lab tests. Can't I just keep these checks then?.. They're in MY name. [my god] Can't I?.. Will the lab even notice?..

[no, instead I have to spit into a lousy plastic tube.. for the rest of time]


okay, that was my rant. Maybe now I can get some sleep.

.. my love.. I'm sorry this is such a gross topic. But, I mean, since this "saliva test" situation has been going on for some weeks now, I think I've shown great restraint in never mentioning it before. I almost did a few times, but I thought the better of it. But now that I realize I'm going to be doing these saliva tests possibly forever.. well, I thought I should make mention of it.

[sound effect:

[anything but a spitting sound]

.. so.. yeah.

.. anyway, my love.. I thought I might feel better if I just gave vent to my frustration. I really didn't need that phone call this morning, either.. and I never received the data.. so.. still waiting on that.

.. I guess I should try and get some sleep.

.. I hope you don't think less of me now that you know I can't take a proper saliva test. Although, I have gotten fairly proficient at spitting, actually.. so

.. gosh, now you probably don't even want me to kiss you, either. [all this talk about spit] [how romantic]

.. alright, well.. this can be on your cheek, then.. x.. (unless you don't mind all the spit talk).. (I did try not to mention this, after all).. (my angel).. (I really did)

(I miss you, my love)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xtfazXu ... re=related
FULL SCREEN..

.. xx xx xxx.. xx xx.. xx .. xx x..

[Violet]

.. my angel.. my love.. how are you?

I'm so tired just now, I can't see straight. I guess I need a break.


.. I found mention of that Sufi person I'd spoken of a while back. I do believe his writings could complement my reading your Book of Mercy.. he spoke of Divine Names.. which really puts me in mind of it. So, hopefully I can find a book of his.

.. I was also just reading about the concept of "the Shepherd." [this source I have I'd term "esoteric"] It seems that all the ancient religions and myths ultimately lead to this idea of the Shepherd.. or the "Shepherd King"..

.. with the Shepherd being the one most likely to be struck by lighting [given his staff] and in this way be "enlightened."

.. anyway, this had me thinking of Going Home, given your referencing the Shepherd.


.. going home behind the curtain.

.. mentioned too was this idea of a "dimensional curtain".. which is described as a point at which some manner of change takes place.. either in one realm.. or it can indicate what distinguishes one realm from another realm, with a realm being something like a dimension.

the question in the text asks, what distinguishes two realms?

and the answer:

"assumptions."


.. your line speaks of death.. but, even not strictly speaking of death.. there is the death to one assumption, which is the birth of the next assumption about the world. In the material I was reading.. [the material I've been meaning to get back to, and which I just dipped my toe into last night].. but, this is actually far more specific, and layered, than I can even go into just now.. still, I was put in mind of your "curtain."


.. this Part I I'm finishing.. speaks to the realm of our imprisonment. It's been a process of consciously "knowing".. and "seeing" the problem.. [hidden though it often is]..

that we might be "free" of it.


.. anyway, my beloved.. I'm missing you.. and wanted to be done right now with this blasted thing.. so, I might see what's next, then.

.. I may have to invoke the Scarlett O'Hara "tomorrow's another day" clause, as I'm just not in the best spot with myself right now.. (truly, I just want to kiss you)


I've still not received this data from the Russian scientist, but this Goa person is attempting to get it to me. Tomorrow, maybe. It's strange that this has become so difficult, when it's been presented to me as something vital for me to look at. [??]


.. okay, my angel.. I do hope all is well with you. I promise I'll be done soon.. (and if I'm scarce.. it's that I'm getting this darn thing finished)

.. you are my divine, and I love you.

x

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbGDDNcyTxY
FULL SCREEN..

.. xx xxx .. xx xxx .. x xx..

[Violet]

.. my love, I miss you.. how are you?

.. it's been cool, but sunny.. and I did make it out to our lake today. I stood on the shore awhile.. and again, there was that blazing white light dancing upon the water. And as I looked to the far side of the lake.. I don't know, I always think it's towards you.. though probably not accurately speaking.. but somehow I'm looking out towards you, my angel.

.. I felt so emotional.. just thinking of you.. and also because I received that information today.. and so, everything just seemed so "dear" then. The trees, and the water.. the sun's brilliant light.

I'm still looking this stuff over.. and maybe I'll do a bit of cross-referencing first, before I post anything specific on it. Still, it's rather sobering. I'm going to get some opinions on it, I think.. then I'll write something here.

.. but, a lot of what I'd said holds true. Especially the meditating part. I guess I really have to start meditating, as I'd planned to do months, if not years ago. (!) Although.. when I go to my healer/chiropractor person, often I'll go into a meditative state while there. This I realized today.. I mean, that maybe in some sense I have done some of the work of meditating, just in that weekly experience. Also, in the material forwarded me, which was written by this Indian guru, he spoke of the third eye "blossoming".. and I was rather glad to read that, since I've felt my third eye rather regularly for a couple of years now, not at all knowing why. But, maybe it's toward a kind of awakening, perhaps.

.. in any case, I will say just generally speaking, that especially given the possibility of profound planetary changes.. [which I will get back to you on].. it is a very good time to meditate, and open one's heart.. and stay in the heart--as opposed to being just "mental"--in a way that's cut off from one's heart.

.. just lately, when I've been to this healer.. he's told me I was in my head. He said it was the easiest thing to do, to cut off from one's heart. But by the time I leave there, the energy is back down into my heart again. And it's to feel grounded, and balanced. Maybe I've gone "mental" given the writing I've been doing. Some of the material makes me cry sometimes it's just so awful.. and so, maybe I cut off from my feelings, then.. just not wanting to feel anymore.

.. but.. yes. If ever it were time to get one's "spiritual house" in order, I think we might be experiencing just such a time.

.. oh, my love.. yesterday.. the second half of the day.. it was just awful for me. I'd not received this material yet, so it was my own material that was upsetting me. I was rather tired, and.. I don't know, I wasn't sure of what I was writing--if it were the right material to include. But, somehow my self doubt had me feeling just so dismal about the whole thing. It was as if I couldn't see anything at all clearly, no doubt due to tiredness. But I haven't had that "dark at the end of the tunnel" feeling in a long long while.. that feeling when you don't even like being in your own skin, almost. It's just such an awful feeling.. just so bleak.

.. still, I forced myself to work through it.. and I stayed up late, and had to throw out a bunch of the writing I did.. but I feel I'm back on track with it.. so, it's just to finish it now.. feeling I now know what little more I need.. and then it's done, finally.

[sigh]

.. so.. I guess that's where things are at present. Actually, I'm feeling my third eye right now, in fact. It's this slight "magnetic" feeling.. this slight pressure, just over that one little spot.

.. alright, my angel. I'm hoping this Glenn Gould award event will be taped or something.. it would be lovely to see. It's exciting.. and I just read that that same weekend, people will be out on the streets reading your poetry, and from your novels. (!) I think if I ever shot a futuristic film I'd have to have exactly that going on. (!!)


.. oh, one more thing.

.. so.. I never go to your website for some reason. It never occurs to me to. I feel very at home here, especially in this "back room." But today I did go there.. and looked at all your books.. and.. well, I'd like to read more of your poetry especially, my love. And I really took some time to look over your website. It's funny, though.. when I'm at your website, it's as if I remember again who you are "out in the world" almost.. whereas back here, I feel almost as though I'm talking to you alone.. away from all of that. It's strange, isn't it?.. I mean, it's all "the internet".. and yet, one can create a little home away from home.. this place where I feel to be close to you.. and so, it's just so strange, then.. to go to your site, and remember who you are again.. out in the world, I mean. It even scares me a little bit. (!) [??]

.. but here, no. I feel close to you, and safe somehow. That's just the way I feel.

.. okay, my beloved. I guess I need to get some sleep, as it is I'm quite sleepy. Actually, I just put your Lullaby on, and you're singing just so sweetly.

.. oh.. the following song I've posted before, but it came to me today, as I was riding at our lake. It's because I was thinking of what it would be to say good-bye to this sweet earth.. to all of its beauty, I mean.. and all that can be so terribly terribly tender here..

.. such as this tender kiss good-night, my love.. x.. (my dearest dearest..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XGeBIwjU ... re=related
FULL SCREEN..

.. xx xx .. xxx x.. x x x..

[Violet]

.. Leonard, my love.. my angel.. it's raining here, and so very dark outside. I feel heavy with things, and like I have a lot I need to tell you. I love you.. and miss you.. just so very much, my love.

.. yesterday was divine. It was sunny, and cool.. and I even lay upon the dock at our lake--the dock I'm not supposed to even go on. But I lay there, looking up at the sky.. and there was a crow crowing in a tree not far from me.. and I thought of Castenada, the "nagual" Indian, Don Juan.. how he'd transform himself into a black crow. And I looked up at him.. and he crowed a bit more.. then flew away.

.. I can't help but notice, the moment I said here that it might be a good time to meditate.. to get one's "spiritual house" in order, a kind of mayhem breaks loose back here in this "back room".. this little "home away from home" of mine.

.. I don't know what more to say about that, other than it's not necessary, I don't think. Though I, too, feel a bit anxious about things. Still, it's to try to be calm.. to find that calmness inside.

.. anyway, my beloved.. I'm closer to finishing the writing, and wish it were done today.


.. I guess I'm circling around saying what it is I want to say to you.. as I'm not sure what it is, or how to say it.

.. I'm collecting more data on this "planetary change" I've been informed of. I feel I need more information before I can say more about it.

.. and yet, there are.. well, two things going on. There is what looks to be the concrete "science" of it.. and then there is the spiritual dimension. And really, in terms of how we might deal with things, we've no choice but to consider the more spiritual realm. Otherwise, we're rendered powerless almost. It's funny I just said "powerless," as that is a real possibility, as I mentioned before. Though that could be the least of it.


.. Leonard, my angel.. I feel so emotional just now, and so it's hard to know what to say. But I feel to tell you that if you stay in your heart, then you stay with me. But the world doesn't want us in our hearts.

It's hard for me to write this because I'm crying. But, it does seem true that the world seeks to divide us from our hearts.. even as there are elements.. divine elements.. that don't want that.. that seek instead to have us be "whole."


.. this biblical quote occurred to me this morning upon awaking, and that's certainly unusual for me:

It's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter heaven.

.. and it seems to have new meaning for me. "The eye of a needle" does.

.. while it's a scientific fact that we use but 3% of our DNA.. but, because of these impending "changes," it seems this is an opportunity to turn that around.. which is to say, that through meditation.. and "right thinking," no doubt.. we, in a sense, have the opportunity not only to transform ourselves, but to transform the world, even.. as it's to change our "assumption" about the world, and in that, the world itself. This guru speaks of heaven on earth, when he speaks of such transformation.

.. and in thinking of this biblical quote, it seems the "rich" of this world.. meaning those most likely to be disconnected from the heart, and spirit.. will not make it through the eye of this needle.. the eye of this storm, as it were.

.. I've said not to panic, and yet I do feel a bit frightened by what I'm reading, and by what it all could mean.

.. I really just want the sunshine, the warmth of it on my face. When I lay there on the dock yesterday, I imagined you were lying beside me, and I thought what it would be just to touch your hand. If there were heaven on earth, to me it might be in just touching your hand. My heart is so full just at the thought of it.

.. you know, I keep thinking of your song Crazy to Love You.. as, yes.. I think I know that kind of love. The "you who were never the one" kind. But maybe I'm speaking of another kind.. the "you who were always the one" kind.

.. I just feel to say once more.. that if you stay in your heart, you stay with me. And if you stay in your heart, then it's to be wholly yourself.


.. anyway.. I guess I need to start my day. I need to finish writing this thing, and do more research on this planetary stuff. I do wish it were sunny out, as it's feeling all "doom and gloom" in this darkness.

.. I do love you, my angel.. and I wish I knew just the right thing to say. But you are my love, and my divine.

x

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hNfNdflTs5E
FULL SCREEN..

.. xx xx .. xx xx .. xx x xxx..

[Violet]

Leonard, my love.. [and those reading this thread]..

.. okay..

.. here's the deal thus far:

Several years ago I did read about this comet cluster.. [the one with the 3,600 yr. orbit].. which some believe is on its way, which won't be good news for us, as this is likely to tip the earth off its axis, which, generally speaking, you don't want to have happen. [not a good thing]

.. also spoken of was a change in the electromagnetism of the planet, which I need more info on.

.. also spoken of were metaphysical ramifications, which I just made mention of above.. as to meditation, our DNA, etc., which is truly fascinating material.

.. and.. last of all.. as per these last posts, I got this URGENT call from this person I know in India, since this guru.. [whose take on things in some significant ways conforms with all of the above].. but he now feels that something is imminent having to do with a "solar storm." [and I mean "imminent"]

.. so, I looked more at the links sent me, and some other info--

oh, funny: the reason this has taken me some time to get to is that I'D STILL LIKE TO FINISH WHAT I'M WRITING, EVEN IF THE END OF THE WORLD IS AT HAND. [!!]

[that's a true writer, for you]

.. so, yeah.. I was sort of putting off getting into the "nitty gritty" here with this stuff, until I finished my writing.. but, I was being urged to get to this now.. so

.. ANYWAY.. it turns out I'm not satisfied with this information I've been given. Meaning, I think my original source is far more diligent, and not into PANICKING people, which I feel this guru's source is. [which is a not a good sign, when you're looking for factual data]

.. IN ANY CASE.. my problem of late is that I have been getting these panicked calls from this person for days now. She thinks I should move to India, even. Now, I may do a trip at some point, but that's not my main focus--to move there, I don't think.

.. I do feel, though.. on the more "metaphysical" side of things.. that meditating would be a good thing to do at this point.. [and I hope I take my own advice on this].. and I do feel there's some validity to the idea that whatever is going on "planetarily" goes hand in hand with doing so.

.. in any case, I will write more on all of this, as I know more.


.. Leonard, my angel.. I feel a bit better somehow. I mean, I honestly don't know where things are headed, but.. I don't know.. I feel like I might at least have five minutes to consider things. [??]

.. also in the back of mind was: how could this be happening NOW.. if you're going on tour. [???????].. [I thought that would be just the WORST timing.. let alone my needing to finish my story]

.. so..

[sigh]

.. okay, my angel.. x.. (I love you)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xHwFySNl ... ure=g-vrec
FULL SCREEN..

.. xx xx xx.. xx xx .. xx xx.. xx x..

[Violet]

.. my love, how are you?

.. I'm very tired, but wanted to say good-night.. (my angel)

.. it's been so cold in here today, and damp.. and all misty outside, too. In any case, as I mentioned on another thread, I'm feeling rather relieved today, and so I'm going with that for now.

.. I didn't get out to our lake today, although I did yesterday, when there was still some sun. I would have gone to our dock.. [yes, it's "our" dock now].. but someone was walking her dog just past there, so I kept riding. It's too bad, too, since the water had that dazzling white light dancing upon it again, and so it would have been nice just to sit there, and stare at it for a while.. (and think of you)


well, I'm closer to being done with this thing, and I've been working away at it today, re-working parts, and finishing this last section that's been causing me all these problems.. and so, I do feel closer to the finish line. It's embarrassing, though. I mean, I'm sure when I look at this whole section I'm going to say to myself: and THIS is what took me SO LONG to write??????.. [WHY??]..

.. I mean, it's not like I've been writing War and Peace, or anything.. and so, I honestly can't account for the time factor.. I mean, when I once wrote an entire feature length screenplay.. [and a pretty good one, too].. in just three days. Three days. [??]

.. my love, what's WRONG with me???

[sigh]

well, for better or worse, I'm almost done.

.. anyway, my beloved.. I miss you, and.. I'm almost afraid to think beyond that. Actually, I know I dreamt of you last night. I wasn't sure I would mention it, as it's left me with just an impression. It was somewhat abstract, and very sensual.. as if I were kissing your body.. it was "close-up" like that.

.. but, it stayed with me today.. all day

(I do wish I were kissing you right now, my love.. x)

(I think I'll post this one again..

(my god, it's just pouring outside now)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yTKXEtOW ... ure=relmfu
FULL SCREEN..

.. x xx xx.. xx x .. xx..

[Violet]

.. okay, the GOOD news, my love, is that I'm getting so slaphappy, I'm on a downright writing tear today. Just a tear (!)

of course, I keep on writing comedy bits in the section I thought was going to get into some "heavy" stuff.. [so I'm not too sure if that's good news, then].. [but, what would I know? I'm slaphappy, remember]

.. now, the BAD news is that I'm having an internal meltdown, since I may not be in New York on the dates you're playing here.. [SHOCKING, I know].. which means I should probably buy tickets for another city.. which also means I should probably get a grip on what my "fall" is going to look like, when, in fact, I'm having a hard enough time trying to discern what tomorrow is going to consist of, or even next week.. [if I ever get this blasted writing finished, that is].. which means

I don't know what it means. [I'm slaphappy, remember]

.. but..

.. oh, and this all had me thinking that if the end of the world was kind enough to step aside for you to do your world tour 'n all, it seems to me that I should at the very least be able to see you perform. [at the very least]

.. so

I have to consider my options. I mean, Chicago is one thing--but Detroit?

[bleh]

.. Boston.. [Boston is nice.. but I'm not sure about the date..

Montreal would be nice--very nice.. but it's not next door, that's for sure..

still, I've always wanted to see it.

[sigh]

.. so..

.. anyway, I hope all is going well for you with all of this. It's terribly exciting, in any event.. [and I'm sure I'll figure something out].. [or the world really is coming to an end].. [for me, at least]

[don't forget I'm still your backup for your backups for your backup singers, should it happen that you need me]

[actually, I'm trying to remember to listen more carefully to the backup tracks, with just that in mind].. [not that I wish you any mishaps, or anything ].. [but sometimes they can't be helped]

.. yeah, so

what else. Oh. I think because I went to bed real late last night, and got up real early--I think that's why I'm entirely wired today, which, again, has been just great for writing. [even if I'll probably have to throw out some of the comedy bits].. [we'll see]

[most likely]

.. but, yeah. I've been on a REAL tear today. Just a tear.

so, that's pretty good news, huh?.. (my angel?)

also: it's at least partly sunny out, and I'm gearing up to go to our lake

so, that's also good news.

I guess I can contemplate your deferment of the end of the world from there. Our lake, I mean.

.. you know, I do hope forum members are grateful to you for the postponement of that happening--the end of the world, I mean.. at the very least 'til the end of your tour. [now, I'm not sure we have many adepts here that understand the metaphysical ramifications of just how you were able to pull that one off, my love.. but luckily, I'm here to put these things into



[and now you can probably imagine what my writing from today must be looking like]

[you know, I don't know why being "wired" does this to a person, but

well, there you have it]

.. anyway.. the other night, when I was "breathing a sigh of relief".. [although, whether or not such sigh of relief is actually warranted is.. well, another matter entirely, probably.. since, let's face it, WHO KNOWS with such end-of-the-world type matters.. but

actually, wha

oh. So, anyway.. I had this

okay, first. I just may visit this Goa person, which is why I may not be in town for the holidays this coming fall. [oh, and that's the time of year when--barring imminent disaster, that is--but, that's the time of year when it's all balmy and nice over there]

ANYWAY.. the other night.. as I imagined being there.. in Goa, I mean.. at The End of the World Bar.. [which would be the blues bar I would have to open, since I'm pretty sure there isn't one--a least not in the particular Goa town where I'd be situated--oh, even though I may, in fact, be meeting up with Taj Mahal.. and that John Lee Hooker Junior guy.. and that Buddy Guy guy..

.. so, anyway.. I thought of this End of the World Bar.. which also put me in mind of Agent Longing and Violet's Future Bar.. and

.. well, there's something about waiting for the end of the world, but doing it with a bit of "Noir" flair.. [I know you know what I mean by that, my love].. [you, in your Noirish fedoras, and double-breasted suits]..

.. so.. yeah. That's what I was thinking. [oh, and I made myself a killer margarita, too.. since I realized that if the end of the world is actually coming, one might just as well knock a few back, and

well, have it be something like this, my love.. (although I think you'd do a better job with this number than I would, my angel)

(sorry folks: I'm reposting youtube links these days.. but only by way of subjective association, which I actually think should be "allowed".. and.. well, who wouldn't want to watch this particular youtube link again, uh, anyhow?

('til later, my angel.. x.. I love you)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LJpJoYYG ... re=related
FULL SCREEN..

.. x xx x.. x xxx .. x xx x.. xxx .. xx..