Not a tanka - My Lady

[Cate]

My Lady

has a wayward tongue.
She dips it in ink; dresses
it in leather. Her
teeth try to contain it, but
her lips are forever calling.



I went from my lady, to your lady, to the lady ... some lady has a wayward tongue. I'll make her mine as that sounds better to my ear and since I sometimes have one too we can be sisters.

[Marisha]

My Lady

has a wayward tongue.
She dips it in ink; dresses
it in leather. Her
teeth try to contain it but
her lips are forever calling.



I went from my lady, to your lady, to the lady ... some lady has a wayward tongue. I'll make her mine as that sounds better to my ear and since I sometimes have one too we can be sisters.

Can she unzip a banana with her tongue, no hands at all then gobble it all up? what a Lady if she can xxx

[Violet]

My Lady

has a wayward tongue.
She dips it in ink; dresses
it in leather. Her
teeth try to contain it but
her lips are forever calling.



I went from my lady, to your lady, to the lady ... some lady has a wayward tongue. I'll make her mine as that sounds better to my ear and since I sometimes have one too we can be sisters.

Can she unzip a banana with her tongue, no hands at all then gobble it all up? what a Lady if she can xxx

.. okay, I'm awake far too early.. even though I could use the zzzzz's.

Marish, I've been in some manner musing on, well, "gutter talk" of late. But, really, you take the cake. [and yes, that would be banana cream, most likely] [oh, and all the filthy implications that that suggests, the details of which I would just as soon we all try and ignore at this point]

Actually, I think it's time for all of us here to try and clean up our acts a bit. I really, honestly do.

I'm doing my part by avoiding listening to "Anyhow." So, I would hope that the rest of you could do something--make some small sacrifice as well.

Cate, given it's a poem, and it's only "speaking of" this penchant for "gutter talk," as opposed to actually "being" gutter talk.. well.. then I guess we should let that slide. Although I honestly think you're on notice, still. [take that as a "definite"]

Actually, on a more serious note, I quite like this poem. It feels entirely what it needs to be at this point. Very precise. And I keep wanting to know more its "secret".. or just why it works. Form wise, my one thought would be to have a comma before the word 'but' on the fourth line.. but other than that, I'd say it's quite perfect.

[Cate]

dear Lady of the Banana’s – I truly don’t know but
I am somehow disturbed at the thought.

Thank you V. I have added the comma.

now, on the less serious matter - Okay Violet, I shall try my best to keep it clean

[Violet]

Thank you V. I have added the comma.

now, on the less serious matter - Okay Violet, I shall try my best to keep it clean

.. now I'm wondering if you shouldn't include "her" on that fourth line, so that the last line begins with "lips." I think that would read more powerfully, and work better aesthetically.

.. as to your "trying your best," Cate, concerning my request for some small "sacrifice".. Cleanliness is as cleanliness does.

Sorry if I seem a bit skeptical.. but.. let's face it, I've been around these parts for a while now.

[it's a shame and it's a pity]



later note: having just looked at your poem, Cate, with the last change I suggested, I see that maybe it's best kept as is, with the words 'her lips' kept side by side. [it's hard to tell with such things until you actually look at it]