therapy

Geoffrey · Post by **Geoffrey** » Mon Dec 05, 2011 8:06 am

therapy (05 dec 2011)

a guitar is a coffin
of trapped songs -
music to weep by,
but every tear
is a little vehicle
carrying pain away
-----------------------------
please allow me use this opportunity to thank the kind people who wrote 'cagutlan' in youtube and watched his two sad songs. i am notoriously shy, can't sing, am no guitar player - and truly humbled by the number of hits they received. a big thank you to everyone. there is now a third song, but it's not worth watching. take care, you are precious. g

lizzytysh · Post by **lizzytysh** » Mon Dec 05, 2011 2:24 pm

Well, Geoffrey... let us be the one to decide that, and thanks for letting us know it's there.
[I've gone and found it on my own. It's good to see your laughter at the end. Such a very fitting song, geoffrey. So fitting.]

I'm glad to see you sharing this poem here.

We appreciate your carrying away your pain and tears by including us with your songs, Geoffrey.
A poignant and true perception of a guitar, the vehicle.

~ Lizzy x

Geoffrey · Post by **Geoffrey** » Mon Dec 05, 2011 4:54 pm

lizzytysh wrote:Well, Geoffrey... let us be the one to decide that, and thanks for letting us know it's there.
[I've gone and found it on my own. It's good to see your laughter at the end. Such a very fitting song, geoffrey. So fitting.]

I'm glad to see you sharing this poem here.

We appreciate your carrying away your pain and tears by including us with your songs, Geoffrey.
A poignant and true perception of a guitar, the vehicle.

~ Lizzy x

---------------------------------
thank you, lixxie. am so appreciative of this adjusted version, suggested by someone who has a far better perception of words than myself. i am starting to like it now

therapy

a guitar is a coffin
of trapped songs -
music to weep by,
but every note and tear
are little vehicles
carrying pain away

lizzytysh · Post by **lizzytysh** » Tue Dec 06, 2011 3:53 am

I like your adjusted version, too, Geoffrey. However, your own perception of words is second to no one's. Perceptions are just prone to cloudiness once in awhile. That's all.

~ Lizzy xxx

mat james · Post by **mat james** » Tue Dec 06, 2011 10:08 am

It's not quite you Geoffrey.

mickey_one · Post by **mickey_one** » Wed Dec 07, 2011 12:11 am

Geoffrey I left a comment for you on Motel Blues, well done. I enjoyed it a lot. I am no Dylan fan and you couldn't revive him for me. Below are 2 youtube links to the usual death stuff I do. I would eagerly swap it for an ability to sing or strum reasonably.

I've been having these "if only" moments a lot recently. Yesterday I took my elder daughter, Rikki, for her interview at Cambridge. I don't have a degree but felt great, and a little sad, when I watched her go into King's. "Public not allowed".

Meanwhile, my hippy anarchist son is crazy cool and absolutely sincere in his beliefs.

Tori is if course still wonderful, and Justyna is, as ever, brilliant in every way.

So, I am blessed

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KThFe3nu4Eo all of it

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAssm1X_vH8 45 seconds in

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ytwh3pHcrkg&noredirect=1 3mins 30 in

lizzytysh · Post by **lizzytysh** » Wed Dec 07, 2011 2:04 am

I think mat makes a good point, your simpler and starker original may be the better way to go, geoffrey. That IS you and ALL you... and that's what a poem like this ought to be.

~ Lizzy xxx

Geoffrey · Post by **Geoffrey** » Wed Dec 07, 2011 2:45 am

lizzytysh wrote:I think mat makes a good point, your simpler and starker original may be the better way to go, geoffrey. That IS you and ALL you... and that's what a poem like this ought to be.

~ Lizzy xxx

----------------------------
lizzie and mat, thank you for commenting. i don't really know what to say, except that i appreciate any interaction. it's very nice to be amongst you here.

mickey: thank you for your responses on youtube, and also here. it was especially entertaining to see you on the television recordings. you remind me a little bit of the actor bob hoskins. i have 'pennies from heaven' on my hard-disc and watch it regularly.
-g

lizzytysh · Post by **lizzytysh** » Wed Dec 07, 2011 3:11 am

Yes, I know you do, Geoffrey. Back to Mat's point, though, when I look at it in its original form, it seems more cut off and jagged... and is not that more truly representative of you at this time? The rounded off version is, well, rounded off... and not nearly as authentically representative. So, with all due respect to the changes, I have to weigh in with Mat.

~ L xxx

Geoffrey · Post by **Geoffrey** » Wed Dec 07, 2011 5:10 am

lizzytysh wrote:Yes, I know you do, Geoffrey. Back to Mat's point, though, when I look at it in its original form, it seems more cut off and jagged... and is not that more truly representative of you at this time? The rounded off version is, well, rounded off... and not nearly as authentically representative. So, with all due respect to the changes, I have to weigh in with Mat.

~ L xxx

well, ok. x

Cate · Post by **Cate** » Wed Dec 07, 2011 6:08 am

I like it- both versions.

I wonder if you need the word 'but'

therapy

a guitar is a coffin
of trapped songs -
music to weep by,
(but) every note and tear
(are) little vehicles
carrying pain away

mat james · Post by **mat james** » Wed Dec 07, 2011 11:22 am

a guitar is a coffin
of trapped songs -
music to weep by,
but every tear
is a little vehicle
carrying pain away

I love the images in this tiny poem Geoffrey.
I would be tempted to reduce the words, cut to the quick, so to speak (as Lizzy is suggesting) and personalize the song by simply using the word "My".
I strive to avoid the use of conjunctions. They tend to clog up the poem with unnecessary fat.
If I was your editor, I would suggest the following:

My guitar,
a coffin of trapped songs
music to weep by {or perhaps you could reduce it to,(weeping music)}
every tear
a little vehicle
carrying pain away

I love your poem. "a coffin of trapped songs" is brilliant.
Mat.

lizzytysh · Post by **lizzytysh** » Wed Dec 07, 2011 11:30 am

That wasn't me cutting to the chase, mat, it was Cate

.

lizzytysh · Post by **lizzytysh** » Wed Dec 07, 2011 11:36 am

However, based on what you've said in your last comment, I like the idea of changing "a" to "my," but I prefer leaving the directness of:

my guitar is a coffin

Still, I'm not even so sure I wouldn't like it remaining "a guitar," which gives it some distance and coldness, a kind of 'alienation' from it, yet showing how it serves a purpose that helps in the end.

Geoffrey · Post by **Geoffrey** » Wed Dec 07, 2011 12:53 pm

lizzytysh wrote:However, based on what you've said in your last comment, I like the idea of changing "a" to "my," but I prefer leaving the directness of:

my guitar is a coffin

Still, I'm not even so sure I wouldn't like it remaining "a guitar," which gives it some distance and coldness, a kind of 'alienation' from it, yet showing how it serves a purpose that helps in the end.

i think the most valuable part of my little 'verse' is this discussion. thank you - such attention is a humbling experience

therapy

therapy

Re: therapy

Re: therapy

Re: therapy

Re: therapy

Re: therapy

Re: therapy

Re: therapy

Re: therapy

Re: therapy

Re: therapy

Re: therapy

Re: therapy

Re: therapy

Re: therapy